Rules I came up with when I was single

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Alucard77, May 9, 2012.

  1. Alucard77

    Alucard77 Kaon Gladiator Champion

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    OK, so now that I am a married old fart with nothing else to do with the rules I came up with when I was dating, I figured I would pass them on here, and encourage others to do so as well.

    I see way to many relationship threads, so hopefully this helps. If not, at least it gets a couple of laughs.

    So let's start out with a simple dating rule I use to have in my 20's when I met a girl I liked and knew it would take multiple dates to score and I needed to save money since I was broke.

    1- If I met the girl at a bar, date #1 has to be coffee.
    Reason:
    - Can I talk to her sober. Drunk Ed is always more fun and charming then sober Ed. Also, is she interesting?
    - A cup of coffee is a 10 minute commitment all together, you don't like her, well you have a meeting or somewhere where you have to be. Boom your gone.
    - Being a gentleman and paying is only $10 in total, even at Starbucks. Worth the investment. Plus date 1 is out of the way.
    2- Date #2 is always a drink after work:
    Reason:
    - A drink can turn into multiple drinks if your having fun. At which point, you can decide, do I like this girl for more then tonight, or do I like her for a couple of nights. If it is just for tonight, a bunch of drinks and no dinner can easily lead to a one night stand.
    - If you do hit it off, you can always say, you wanna grab a slice of pizza after this. This is something informal and cheap. Also, shows a laid back side.
    - If you have nothing to talk about after a drink or so, you can bail.
    - All in all, in worst case, you spend $20 on drinks. Best case, you get laid.
    3- Date #3, the dinner date. (the closer date)
    Reason:
    - At this point you already spent a couple of hours or more with her. You most likely spoke on the phone. If you didn't sleep with her, and did couple of cups of coffee, some drinks and some pizza, your total investment was like $50. This is where you show her what's up.
    - You know you can talk to her, and you know you can have fun.
    - Dress nice, and let her know your going to a nice restaurant so she dresses up. Get a bottle of wine as a starter. Finish one glass before she finishes two glasses, then order a second bottle.
    - If you play your cards right, you spend like $200 on dinner and end up back at her place.
    - This is the most important rule. Date 3 sex has nothing to do with you. It is all about her. Make her toes curl. A moral to live by is, "once you make her toes curl, she will come back for more, no matter what". Laying pipe correctly the first time is the key to any plumbing job. Ask any plumber you know.
    4- If you succeeded with steps on part 3, you can basically turn this girl into a relationship or a booty call.

    All said and done, roughly $250 and you got yourself a booty call or the start of a relationship.

    Stay tuned for my next chapter on why you want to go on dates with a girl who works at a shitty job. The true way to get laid with no issues.

    Hope you enjoyed the read.
     
  2. Nachtsider

    Nachtsider Banned

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    I think it would be instructive to also list what DIDN'T work for you.
     
  3. Alucard77

    Alucard77 Kaon Gladiator Champion

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    Yes, those rules will also come. One of the worst dates I ever had was taking a girl on our first date to see the Yankees play. I thought she was awesome at the bar. She was a total bitch in person and I paid for 2 Yankee tickets. Painful.

    Hence why coffee is a must before any future date.
     
  4. TrueNomadSkies

    TrueNomadSkies Airachnid's ratservant

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    I also likes the plumbing reference. :) 
     
  5. Alucard77

    Alucard77 Kaon Gladiator Champion

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    How about the rest of you. Share your rules!
     
  6. Incepticon

    Incepticon Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]

    The Chart:

    Ages 15 to 19: The chart starts at age 15. Here women are at an access level of 8, which means they can pretty much do whatever they want whenever they want. By the time she's 19 and has a fake ID, she soars up to a 10 which means the world is her oyster. Your average man in this same category is lucky if he gets a blowjob from the ugly chick in 2nd period, and feels truly fortunate if he can keep a steady girlfriend and get laid on a semi regular basis.

    Ages 20 to 25: Women are at their peak during most of this time, and even though their access starts to decline, it declines only because they themselves are being more selective while staging for marriage. Men during this time are steadily learning how to deal with women and are increasing their earning potential, so things are getting slowly better. Still, they haven't reached the level of access that their female counterparts have enjoyed since age 15.

    Age 26 to 28: This is the start of the marriage zone. Women's clocks are ticking, and men have finally turned a job into a career. Though women?s access is still at a very high 8, she notices the men around her have more choices. They've reached an access level of 7 and are steadily rising. Though she gets roughly the same amount of attention from men that she used to, she notices the men are far less likely to catch oneitis in her presence. Men are getting smarter and they have more options because of their increased access. She has to get him to commit as soon as possible before he realizes just how numerous his options really are.

    Age 29 to 30: This is a superb time for men to be alive. The tables have now turned. She's finally learned that while finding dick takes very little effort, finding *committed* dick isn't as easy as she was told it would be. Even though she screwed up in the marriage zone and wasn't able to secure a partner, she's going to stay on the prowl and be 'in it to win it'.

    Age 31 and up: As her sexual and marriage market value slowly decreases, so does her access to committed dick. Meanwhile, the men who were smart enough to avoid her in the marriage zone have a long and happy life ahead of them. Even at age 40 if they are successful and have stayed in shape these men can find a 28 year old woman to bear their children if they want. The men have nothing to lose. The women continue to slowly decline until they settle for a beta or convince themselves that being a career woman in Cougarville was really what they wanted all along.

    After men avoid the marriage zone, their access soars. They can enjoy a series of fulfilling monogamous relationships with women who are on their best behavior since they're desperately trying to get married, and fill in the time in between these relationships by banging easy targets such as single mothers, divorcees, and rabid feminists who are second-guessing their decisions.

    So gentlemen, stay in shape. Focus on your career, build a stable financial portfolio, and keep your access soaring. If you absolutely must have a child, do it in your late 30's or early 40's with a hot little number in her 20's. It can happen. If you're like me and children aren't in your future, the possibilities are endless.

    Avoid the marriage zone!


    I always found this one funny... and shockingly accurate :) 
     
  7. Alucard77

    Alucard77 Kaon Gladiator Champion

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    Doh, I thought you wrote this. I was about to say your a genius.

    This chart also explains why a school teacher will bang her student.

    If 15 year old boys just figured out they should go for 40 year old women, this chart would be all men. But those tricky 40 year olds will try to marry those men.

    Now I understand why everyone thinks a 15 year old shouldn't be banging his hot teacher. Cause its a trap!
     
  8. Incepticon

    Incepticon Well-Known Member

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    Haha, I wish I could take credit for it! Somewhere around 32 years old, I (and obviously others) more or less figured this all out, so it was nice to find out that someone actually wrote down what we've all been saying (almost verbatim) and even threw in a visual line graph for good measure to really drive it all home.
     
  9. TrueNomadSkies

    TrueNomadSkies Airachnid's ratservant

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    Everything in this topic is brilliant. That's really all I can say right now haha.
     
  10. Alucard77

    Alucard77 Kaon Gladiator Champion

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    It is the line graph that is genius.

    This is why this is so genius. And true:
    [​IMG]

    Also, found this:
    http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/143911000X/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=brocrastinato-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399369&creativeASIN=143911000X
     
  11. mrgalvaprime

    mrgalvaprime #BanTJ

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    Forever stuck on rule 0
     
  12. MetalRyde

    MetalRyde is an a-hole with a heart.

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    damn that chart... actually sounds like something my dad all his life. and he still gets women.
     
  13. Nachtsider

    Nachtsider Banned

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    Alucard, it seems you have little trouble charming/picking up women. I can't help but wonder what your initial approach/pickup strategy is, plus whatever winning lines you use to first grab a girl's attention.
     
  14. JazzHunter83

    JazzHunter83 Mrs FatalT

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    I have few rules:

    1) He has a job - or is actively looking for one. I don't care about money, I care about work ethic and I don't care if his job is cleaning toilets - the fact that he goes to work everyday and cleans those toilets is what I need.

    2) He is well-groomed, clean and hygienic. I take care of myself and I think it's fair that he does too. I don't find a guy who stinks like old socks is attractive.

    3) He accepts and likes my kids. They are not the devil's spawn, they are great kids. They have a dad and don't need another one, but it would be nice for whoever I meet to like and enjoy them.

    No other rules, really.......
     
  15. Alucard77

    Alucard77 Kaon Gladiator Champion

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    I found that the less you really care the better you do. So it all depends on the situation. I turn it into a game in my head and try to entertain myself and the girl I am talking to.

    Let me give some examples:
    I went to a party in the Hamptons one year. You know one of those high end parties. So for the party, when people asked what I do, I said I was the head French Potatoe engineer at the Chicken Shack on Deer Park Avenue. These people were so pompous that most of the girls I spoke to gave a chuckle and asked, no really what do you do? I stuck to my story with a smirk on my face. I created a whole back story for myself and everything. Like I said, amuse them and amuse myself.

    Other times I would use the cheesy stuff like me and my friend were discussing who the best Muppet was when were growing up, he says Kermit, and I think the chef, what do you think. How could you step away from that conversation?

    So realistically, I just go up to a girl and think of something clever. All has to do with not taking myself seriously and having confidence. I learned all this in Cancun on spring break. I use to be very introverted, always thinking what I would say next, and what she was thinking and so on. Just in my head the whole time. So the trick is to not be in your head and to just be in the moment and have fun with it. Usually when you have fun, so do they.
     
  16. LamboTwinLove

    LamboTwinLove Lambo Assassin

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    I'm with JazzHunter on this.

    1. Have a job. I personally do not mind paying when it's even. In fact I like to. However, I am not the ATM.

    2. Drive and have a car. I'm sorry, a guy with no license or car is a no no. I am not going to be the only one driving.

    3. You don't need lines or to have a game plan. Seriously. I'll let you know if I like you. I'll let you know if I wanna bang you. I have no problem making my intentions clear. Hell, I have slipped a condom into an x's pocket and told him to take it as an invitation.

    4. Just be you and you don't even need to take me out. I'm happy spending an evening playing some video games and laughing with you.
     
  17. TrueNomadSkies

    TrueNomadSkies Airachnid's ratservant

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    Hhaahah, condom slip.
     
  18. LamboTwinLove

    LamboTwinLove Lambo Assassin

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    In my defense. He was my first boyfriend. But we broke up because it was a little weird since we were very good friends before dating. He had a house party, I was drunk. He was like... my conquest lol.

    I can't tell you how many of his friends came up to me and told me how cool it was that I did that.
     
  19. TrueNomadSkies

    TrueNomadSkies Airachnid's ratservant

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    Well, you can definitely add me to that list. :D 

    It's too bad I wasn't anywhere near that clever when trying to get back with my 1st girlfriend. However, we were & still are better friends than we ever were in a relationship or anything in between, so conquests aside, I'd say things still worked out.
     
  20. LamboTwinLove

    LamboTwinLove Lambo Assassin

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    Well... he was supposed to be my first. But when it should have happened he had to go and ask if I was sure and I second guessed myself. So it didn't happen.

    After that I was ended up being friends with benefits with this other guy who I liked and silly me I thought something would happen. But no. I was just the buddy.

    So in my mind it was more righting a wrong maybe lol.
     

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