question about fairness

Discussion in 'Transformers General Discussion' started by Rumble02, May 6, 2007.

  1. Rumble02

    Rumble02 Radicon of Obliticons

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    Ok here is the deal. due to my dads illness my wife and I are moving from the wester slope of colorado to Amarillo TX. this is going to be a big difference not only in scenery but my income is going to be Massively affected. so with the new movie toys coming out my wife and i decided that the money to come in from me selling tf toys is just not a part of our Budget and for her it does not excist since money will be so tight. but then she purchased some things that we didnt really need ( or at least need to spend that much on) for our new place. and i had a doctor bill come up. She asked me to pay for half of the doctor bill ($25) and said she would give me $40 dollars for movie Megatron and I would not have to pay for him out of my transformers fund since she had overspent. does this all seem fair? how would you work things out to get what you want on a tight new budget?

    edit:i think i was misunderstood. I dont have a problem with giving money to the doctor bill or that she spent extra, i was asking, was it fair for her to give me 40 extra that i didnt earn or what not. im wanting to be fair to her.
     
  2. onesock

    onesock Banned

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    If it's your wife, she shouldn't have to bargain with you. Over toys.
     
  3. Ops_was_a_truck

    Ops_was_a_truck JOOOLIE ANDREWWWWWS!!!!!!

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    I'm going to be absolutely honest - I don't play the "fair" game in my relationship. I spend only as much as I have available to me, if necessary. Sometimes, she overspends. Either way, if I have to miss out on a Transformers toy for a few weeks or a month, I can deal with that. The toy will be around for a while, too, and I usually don't suffer from the "got-to-get-it"-itis that seems to plague a lot of members here.

    I really don't think you should argue fairness with her. The doctor bill is a necessity. The transformers aren't. Even if she did pick up a few extra miscellaneous items, she's your wife; you know the relationship dynamic with her far better than we do. If she'd take well to a discussion about budget, then maybe you should talk about it. If you think it'd turn into a "well YOU spent..." vs. "...oh yeah? Well YOU spent..." argument, then maybe it's worth it to just accept that she might have purchased some stuff above what you guys had in the budget, swallow your pride and move on.

    I want to underscore and repeat this: The movie toys will be here for a LOOONG time. If a small budget problem like this comes up, I assume you can do without one (or some) of the movie figures for a little bit.
     
  4. lastmaximal

    lastmaximal Hellspark

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    basically yeah, what they said.

    i don't ever want it to come to that, but personally if something like that befalls my family i'd like to believe i'd definitely put any TF-selling-raised money toward helping them out. no questions or pay-backs asked. i don't judge you, dude, you guys clearly have an understanding on things after all, but i hope you don't let TFs don't get in the way of making these decisions together.
     
  5. Rumble02

    Rumble02 Radicon of Obliticons

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    i think i was misunderstood. I dont have a problem with giving money to the doctor bill or that she spent extra, i was asking, was it fair for her to give me 40 extra that i didnt earn or what not. im wanting to be fair to her.
     
  6. Ops_was_a_truck

    Ops_was_a_truck JOOOLIE ANDREWWWWWS!!!!!!

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    Oh, okay. Yeah, I definitely misunderstood, then. In terms of her being fair with you, and giving you $40...well, the most you can do is ask her politely. If she's really emphatic about you holding on to the cash, then there ya go. You could try humbly asking her if she wants it back or if she feels she needs it.
     
  7. lastmaximal

    lastmaximal Hellspark

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    ahh, i see. well yeah, the arrangement works both ways... it does seem fair.
     
  8. Shipley

    Shipley No Topic Required

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    This is a domestic issue thats best settled domestically. It sounds like a Transformers question because theres Transformers in there, but ultimately its about you and your wife not having a good understanding over how money is spent.

    Personally, I wouldn't take advice for this from this crowd.
     
  9. Ops_was_a_truck

    Ops_was_a_truck JOOOLIE ANDREWWWWWS!!!!!!

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    Wow. Thanks for the vote of confidence, guy.
     
  10. onesock

    onesock Banned

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    Damn, now would be the time for the big rolley-eyes smile.

    Anyways, after the edit, I understand better. All you say is, "I can't accept this." If she insists you take it, by all means, buy that Megatron!
     
  11. Shipley

    Shipley No Topic Required

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    I think you misunderstood. I wouldn't take personal advice over a personal problem from a group of people here who are pretty much all strangers to me. Now if I went to my best friend of 18 years with a personal problem, he knows me well enough that he can give me some solid advice.

    Now if I have a question about transformers, I wouldn't ask him, I'd ask here. I don't ask a roofer to fix my car, and I don't ask a window washer to help me install my home theater system. Different people with different background know different things.
     
  12. Bryan

    Bryan ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

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    Yeah. I'll ask about anything and everything related to toys here. But relationships are all unique, and you won't get solid advice from people who simply can't be be aware of all the details of your situation. It's like writing advice columnists. Except Savage Love. That guy is awesome.

    The most you'll get on a board like this is something like OWAT's post, a description of how others deal with a similar situation. But ultimately, no one else's relationship is truly applicable to your situation. A fair way for you to treat your wife may be an shitty way for me to treat mine, or unfair to another poster. The only real advice I would give you is to go talk to your wife instead and ask her how she feels about what you're asking us.
     
  13. Sol Fury

    Sol Fury The British Butcher Administrator News Staff

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    Were it me, I'd probably just outright pay it anyway and not expect or ask for anything in return. If she wants to get me something later on, that's up to her.
     
  14. SMOG

    SMOG Vocab-champion ArgueTitan

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    I dunno... I've been with my wife for 13 years now, and our finances are still separate. I understand that once a couple decides to have kids, it's kind of unavoidable to merge your incomes, especially if one parent stays home and the other one is the "breadwinner".

    However, if this isn't the case for you, I think pooling your money is a stupid idea. It often becomes tied up in romantic notions about "trust" and "sharing everything", but it just isn't pragmatic, and often ends up causing resentment because one person is spending more money than they "should".

    Everyone can only be responsible for themselves, ultimately. My wife spends all her money on books, shoes and clothes... I spend my money on toys and movies, and neither one of us really has any reason to ever criticize the other about spending too much. As long as we can both support ourselves, pay in towards our expenses and such, where the disposable income goes is each person's own business. We don't have to count every dime, but we both pretty much pay our own way, and it works well like that. We never have to end up asking people on online forums for domestic advice at least. ;) 

    On the other hand, where we do end up questioning each others buying habits, is often in regards to space. There's only so much room for books, clothes and toys, so there can be some conflict in that sense. I don't have much guilt to worry about though... her books take up more space than all my other belongings combined, and I don't see myself catching up to her any time soon. :) 

    zmog
     

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