Personal treatment for TF3

Discussion in 'Transformers Movie Discussion' started by Starscream NZ, Jul 21, 2009.

  1. Starscream NZ

    Starscream NZ Well-Known Member

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    Here is the first part of my writing for a treatment of TF3. If people enjoy it I will write further.


    Transformers 3 treatment

    Soon after the defeat of The Fallen on the wretched fleshling-infested planet known as Earth, Megatron and Starscream return defeated and injured to the crashed Nemesis. Leaving explicit orders to Soundwave to stay locked onto Earths satellites to monitor Autobot and NEST activity while Megatron plans his next move.

    As Megatron and Starscream near the nemesis, they notice a strange orange glow emitting from it. It’s fire. Someone or something has noticed the crashed ship and is proceeding to destroy what’s left of it. As Megatron nears the destroyed vessel, four blue-eyed silhouettes are seen quickly running to a nearby crater, where a ship is waiting. Starscream moves to intercept but a powerful blast from a cannon attached to the ship sends him hurtling into the debris of the Nemesis. As he brings himself to his kness, he sees three hatchlings still functional, in an otherwise undamaged part of the ship. “Megatron has failed the Decepticon cause too many times, these hatchlings could prove to be his undoing, and the birth of my eternal reign”.

    Starscream quickly hides his discovery and returns to Megatron to advise that the ship is all but destroyed, as are all the hatchlings. Furious, Megatron sends a message to Soundwave to call any remaining Decepticons to arms. Soundwave notes that there are 3 Decepticons that are within distance of his message. One of which is still on Earth. The other two are moving through space. Soundwave heralds the unknown Decepticon on Earth, who does not return the signal. Megatron swears retaliation on the traitor, and on Earth.

    --Title screen--

    One year has passed since The Fallens defeat. The announcement made by The Fallen is largely forgotten by many, as a Government cover-up states that this was merely a very expensive part of a viral-marketing campaign for an upcoming Hollywood blockbusters. The Autobots are still living at Diego Garcia, with a modified base to cater for their Cybertronian technologies. After the defeat of The Fallen and the mass amounts of human casualties, Ratchet and Jolt began working together to assist human scientists in making a new type of armour for NEST soldiers for added protection. However so far their efforts have not paid off to any great deal.
    Sam is back at home, visiting his parents on a break from college. He’s doing really well, and has his another car, one that’s not Bumblebee. Judy is surprised to see that he’s not with Bumblebee. Sam explains that the situation between Alice and Bumblebee, and the Kitchen Crew and Bee could not happen again, so Bee is living with the Autobots, but is being flown in to visit Sam while he’s on break from college. Ron advises that he hasn’t heard about Mikaela for a while. Sam advises that the two of them are finding the long distance relationship incredibly strenuous and don’t know how to deal with it.

    Cut to a scene at the airport, a military plane drops off Bumblebee who begins the drive to Sam’s house. As the day turns to night, Bee nears the Witwicky household. As he does, he see’s Sam’s new car pulling into the driveway, Bumblebee stops, not wanting to intrude on other guests at the house, but finds that it is Sam who gets out of the car, and walks inside the house. Bee feels cheated, and plays “How can you fix a broken heart” at full volume. Which spurs Sam out of the house to find Bee there. Sam apologizes that there’s “another car in my life” and it’s purely for his travel to his parents place and back. Bee pretends to accept this and goes to rest in the rebuilt garage. We see that the Witwicky house has been rebuilt as it was before, and Judy got the pool she wanted to skinny-dip in.

    As Sam and his parents sleep, Bumblebee sneaks out of the house and transforms, aiming his gun-arm towards Sams new car, he gives it a single shot and the car explodes. Bee quickly transforms and goes back to the garage. As the Witwickys come out screaming of the house, Sam knows exactly who it was and goes to confront Bee. He jumps inside Bee and begins to yell at him, but before he realizes, Bumblebee starts driving and flees the scene. Telling Sam through song that he misses Sam and is jealous that Sam has ‘moved on’ Sam tries to tell him this isn’t the case, but he is interrupted by a Transmission sent by Jolt, advising there is an unidentified Autobot ship signal coming to Earth, with a projected trajectory not far from Bumblebee’s current location, and that he, Ironhide and Sideswipe were on their way to intercept, but for Bee to head there also.

    In the night-sky a falling star can be seen, getting closer and larger as it nears. It makes a daring but calculated low-fly over a car-yard and eventually stops just near a museum which has a military show on. As the ship flew over these areas, a green light briefly shone down from the ship. As it lands, alien voices are heard, and mumbling such as ‘downloading language’ and ‘internet’ are heard, before a final ‘upload complete’ is heard. The new arrivals now know English. And go to another on-board computer and begin picking their alt-modes. On another screen, a red blip appears, nearing their ship. The crew rush outside and await their reencounter with what must surely be Optimus Prime. However as they see the incoming car, they realize it’s their comrade Bumblebee. Sam gets out of Bee and one of the unknown bots gasps “Oh Primus, it’s an organic! Bumblebee, you let it ride around in you?!”. After a brief telling off by his commanders Springer, Tracks shuts up. The other three members of the crew of the ship are introduced as Wheeljack, Blaster and Roadbuster.

    They inform Bumblebee about their discovery of the Nemesis, and that Megatron and Starscream are still functional, as well as classified information about a rogue Decepticon committing unspeakable acts. Sam and Bumblebee press for more information, but Springer refuses to tell them, only Prime and requests an urgent meeting with him. Bumblebee beings to lead them to the airport where Ironhide, Jolt and Sideswipe are about to arrive.

    Picking up the signs of an Autobot shuttle landing on earth, Soundwave sends the information back to Megatron who orders more scouts be sent out to track the newly arrived Autobots who know about the rogue Decepticon, Shockwave. Soundwave sends Laserbeak, Rumble and Ratbat to Earth to monitor activities more closely....

    Back at Diego Garcia, the new Autobots disembark and are greeted by a heavily armed set of NEST soldiers, including Lennox and Epps. Lennox leads the new Autobots to the central command unit for Optimus and the others. As the new Autobots explore their command unit, they see Sideswipe attempting to teach Skids and Mudflap how to fight. Although still bickering, the twins have finally begun to mature. It doesn’t take long for Mudflap to trip up and Skids tackle him for being an idiot. Sideswipe assures Springer it won’t be long until these two are capable fighters. However, Springer is uninterested in them. A battle-hardened warrior, Springer is not one for the antics of two such young and inexperienced bots.

    As he and Blaster enter the communications room, he finds Optimus and Ratchet. Optimus, happy to see more of his fellow Autobots safe, does not have the same feelings reciprocated. Springer asks what the status of Arcee is. Prime gives a brief explanation of what happened with The Fallen, and that Arcee died trying to protect Sam and Mikaela from the Decepticon onslaught. Ratchet however, quickly greets the friendly Blaster, who assists him straight away with doing some work on the systems. Wheeljack and Jolt also enter. With Wheeljack being an old friend of Primes, the two are glad to be back after each other, though Wheeljack expresses his dismay at the loss of Arcee and Jazz. Springer requests to speak to Prime and Ironhide in private. As they enter another room, Sam is busy looking around the base after having a brief talk with Lennox and Epps, who have great fun winding him up about previous events, although they have great admiration for him being able to put up with what he’s been through.

    In private, Springer debriefs Prime and Ironhide on the situation that he has encountered.
    --flashback-- They had been based on one of Cybertrons moons and witnessed Shockwave running a secret laboratory. Inside it he had been conducting all sorts of tests alongside his assistant, Jetstorm. At first it was trying to reverse-engineer Constructicon combination technology, however he soon found that this proved futile, and took up a new challenge, advanced transformers with increased strength, firepower, and battle-skills. He also realized the limits of the current population being confined to either a robotic or a singular alternate mode, so he began work on a triple-changing technology. His first two attempts proved to be fatal, but on his third attempt, something didn’t go right. The test-subject was fused with two sparks, which turned him insane. The subject did indeed receive the increased firepower and strength, but his circuitry was completely fried and with two sparks competing for one body, he would lash out and anything he could. Shockwave himself was almost destroyed by the subject, but managed to temporarily shut it offline by over-exposure to energon. While the subject was offline, Shockwave and his assistant removed half of each spark and kept it close to him, to claim an upper-hand over the insane bot.
    Springer and his team moved in to intercept and stop Shockwave, but Shockwave had been aware of their spying, and sent attack drones to slow them down while he and Jetstorm took the test-subject to a ship to escape. On their way to hunt Shockwave, they came across the Nemesis and decided to destroy what left of it. It was then that they saw Megatron and Starscream. But their primary concern was that of Shockwave.

    Springer began to walk out of room when he found Sam walking down the large corridor. He bent down and stared down Sam, voicing his upmost disproval that Arcee was lost due to such a ungrateful fleshling like him.

    Above Earth, Soundwave sends yet another signal to the unresponsive Decepticon on Earth, giving an ultimatum, answer to Megatron or be terminated. As Starscream and Megatron decide to stage themselves on Mars for the time being, Starscream plots his take-over further. The hatchlings have become fully-functional protoforms in need of guidance and activation. He heralds his spy on Earth to provide a distraction so Starscream can activate the hatchlings. So the Decepticon finally answers the call, and identifies himself as Barricade. As Soundwave attempts to log onto his location. Megatron flies to Earth to intercept, ordering Starscream to follow. Starscream agrees, but holds back as he activates the protoforms and takes a separate route, breaking free of Megatron, under the lie that the target is moving too erratically. As they descend. Starscream flies to where he hid for so long, and gives his three new troops names. Onslaught, Swindle and Blast-Off. He contacts Barricade and advises him to obtain the human-girl that the Witwitcky fleshing slobbers over, as he can use it for now as a bargaining gesture with Megatron.

    Barricade races across town and arrives at the mechanics where Mikaela is working. Her father, terrified of going back to jail, runs out of the store while Mikaela goes to approach the car. As she nears, Barricade captures her and escapes. Watching from above, Laserbeak notices this and relays it back to Soundwave. Megatron quickly intercepts Barricade, and kicks him in vehicle mode, causing him to roll several times, with Mikaela inside who is non-seriously injured. Using Soundwave, Megatron relays a message to the Autobot base, advising them of Mikaela’s current predicament, and that if Prime and Sam are not personally delivered to their co-ordinates immediately, she faces termination.

    Sam, outraged that Mikaela has been imprisoned by Megatron pleads with the Autobots to launch a counter-attack. As Prime, Springer and Ironhide deliberate the best option, Blaster notifies of an incoming Decepticon signal, the same as the ship Shockwave had escaped in. The Autobots split into four groups. The first, consisting of Springer, Jolt, Roadbuster, Sideswipe and Tracks are to intercept Shockwave. Prime and Sam would initially venture to Megatron alone, followed by a the third, strike team of Ironhide, Bumblebee, Wheeljack and the Twins. Blaster would stay at the base with Ratchet and Wheelie and monitor the situation. NEST would also assist, splitting into two teams. One with Springers team, the other with Ironhide’s team. Springer refuses their help until promised their planes are the quickest way to Shockwave’s location. Blaster promises additional security at the base by ejecting Ramhorn and Steeljaw as guard bots, maintaining the perimeter of the base.

    On the flight towards Shockwave’s forces, Epps attemps to talk with Springer. Who amazingly reciprocates. He advises that he has fought the Decepticons for too long, and wants the war over. Epps advises of the encounters he has had with them, and the people who he’s lost. As they land, Springer orders the Autobots to roll out as they see the Decepticon ship landing. They form a perimeter, pinning the ship down and quickly taking out any external weaponry on the ship.

    Elsewhere. Prime rolls up to Megatron to confront him. Sam, seeing Barricade, is surprised but instantly tries to get to Mikaela without thinking, and he is prompty grabbed by Megatron, making Prime disengage from battle. Megatron laughs at how pathetic Prime is for resisting just to protect a human. In the distance, Sam can see Bumblebee and the others making their way forward to the scene, as Sam calls out for him, Megatron gets briefly distracted. Taking the element of surprise, Prime draws one of his swords and slices off Megatrons hand which was crushing Sam. As Megatron howled in pain and realized how stupid he’d been, Barricade, still with Mikaela, transforms and drives off at high speed with her just as the other Autobots arrive. Bumblebee quickly gives chase but Barricade manages to quickly hide. As Megatron is surrounded he makes a hasty retreat. Sam lies unconscious in Megatrons hand, the fall knocking him out. Not far from Sam’s parents place, the Autobots take him there to recover.

    Back at Shockwaves ship. The door opens and a shadow of Shockwave and Jetstorm appear. Springer and co point their weapons and order the surrender of the two of them. Shockwave coolly mentions “that would be illogical”. And steps aside, as the rampaging test-subject stampedes out the door. “Meet experiment #84, or Blitzwing, as I like to call him”. Blitzwing transforms into a tank-mode and starts firing upon the Autobots and NEST. Transforming back to robot mode he engages Springer into melee combat, quickly knocking him to the ground. Just as he’s about to fire his cannon at Springers face at point blank range, a large whip hits him across the back of the head, knocking him over. Enraged, Blitzwing tackles Jolt for his attack and tears Jolt’s whips off, before blasting a large hole through Jolt’s chest, and tearing out his spark. Mortified, Roadbuster and Tracks attempt to take down Blitzwing as Sideswipe assists Springer to stand. Blitzwing fires at Roadbuster, who despite his bulk is blown backwards by the blast. Jetstorm strafes in from above and knocks Tracks down. Not one for a dirty underhanded tactic, Tracks fires back and knocks Jetstorm out of the sky and he quickly crash lands, but gets up. As Blitzwing approaches the damaged Autobots, Shockwave and Jetstorm prepare to join in the eradication, until they receive an urgent demand from Megatron to retreat and regroup. Unsatisfied with an unfinished job, Shockwave commands Blitzwing to reboard the ship. He refuses, so Shockwave begins to squeeze the tortured bits of spark he has of Blitzwings to bring him back under control. Epps sends out an urgent SOS to NEST HQ for emergency pick up and advised that Jolt’s been terminated

    Back at Diego Garcia, Ratchet painfully admits there’s nothing left to do for Jolt, and that they have once again, lost another ally. Prime arrives without Bumblebee or Wheeljack, who are staying with Sam until he recovers. Ironhide visits Roadbuster in the repair bay, and questions him as to exactly what happened and, as old comrades, how they can deal with Blitzwing.

    On Mars, Megatron tends to his wounds, with Soundwave now joining him, releasing Scalpel to assist in Megatron’s recovery, as Shockwave’s ship approaches. Megatron senses that Starscream is up to his old tricks.

    At the military base – Starscream congratulates Barricade on a successful kidnapping and introduces him to Onslaught, Blast-Off and Swindle.



    part 3 coming soon.
     
  2. Starscreamer95

    Starscreamer95 'Civil' Nintendo Fanboy

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    My spotlight has been stolen DX
    Although it`s nice to see what others think
     
  3. Starscream NZ

    Starscream NZ Well-Known Member

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    Well this is merely a treatment, from what I gathered, you were writing a full script? Haven't read yours but i'm sure they'll end up being totally different.
     
  4. Richard Prime

    Richard Prime Banned

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    very nice can't for part 2 of your treatment
     
  5. Primesfist

    Primesfist Well-Known Member

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    Nice stuff. What's happening with Mikaela though. We need some flesh.
     
  6. Starscream NZ

    Starscream NZ Well-Known Member

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    Updated with part 2 - third (and probable final) part on it's way sometime soon. Always happy to hear questions and comments.
     
  7. Primesfist

    Primesfist Well-Known Member

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    Keep it up. Nice read.
     
  8. JetRaid

    JetRaid Jhet Rheyd

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    Yeah that was one great read!
     
  9. tehCal

    tehCal wherever you are i am not

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    "One year has passed since The Fallens defeat. The announcement made by The Fallen is largely forgotten by many, as a Government cover-up states that this was merely a very expensive part of a viral-marketing campaign for an upcoming Hollywood blockbusters."

    What about the thousands of people killed, and the hundreds of thousands who would've witnessed the destruction/robots?

    I think there's no way TF3 will keep the public in the dark. Which will be interesting.
     
  10. JetRaid

    JetRaid Jhet Rheyd

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    Yeah, that's a good idea. Well remember when they were in Leos room with SHARKINATOR and the other guy and they showed a video of someones phone recording Demolishor? That looked so real. I loved that part!
     
  11. tehCal

    tehCal wherever you are i am not

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    Ok, read the whole thing, and (surprisingly) I liked it.

    It actually kept the feel of the other films, for the most part. Some suggestions:

    Clunky comic-book line. Something like "Blitzwing, engage" would be much more to the point and much more like Shockwave.

    Also, I like the touches about Sam and his new car, but it has to lead somewhere. Make BB a bigger player this time, and that Sam can't be rescued without BB's help, to the point where he is wounded and almost killed saving Sam's life. Make Sam see that their friendship is important.

    Also, maybe make Sam learn from BB's loyalty and willingness to sacrifice himself, and make Sam take that risk to save Mikaela, as that helps with your idea of their relationship being strained; this would show Sam has matured and that he is brave enough and cares enough to give his life for the one he loves.

    Also: don't name the generic Cons so early. Blast Off is a pretty terrible name anyway, and there is probably cooler ones out there than Swindle. Just because Combaticons are awesome doesn't mean new names (or names recycled from elsewhere) won't fit better.

    The one other thing, don't describe the action so closely, at least not in a synopsis. Leave it to the imagination more. Fleshing it out in detail is for the script. We don't need every moment of Shockwave/Blitzwing vs Jolt/Springer/Roadbuster to be laid out in a simple synopsis. Just the main facts and the outcome is fine, and it makes it more exciting/easier to read (flows better).

    The only scene I don't really dig is the intro, there's gotta be a way you can rework that to make it more interesting.

    Otherwise I will say you have done a really good job. And I really, really like the route you have taken with Springer's personality (every scene you have described with him is fantastic). Also, Roadbuster is a good choice that I wouldn't have thought of straight away. Not so sure about Blaster though.
     
  12. Richard Prime

    Richard Prime Banned

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    you kill jolt
     
  13. roy_flagg00

    roy_flagg00 I want more life....

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    not bad.
    wait till bay gets ahold of it though.:( 
     
  14. Primesfist

    Primesfist Well-Known Member

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    Bay will surely ruin it with his grubby hands.
     
  15. shroobmaster

    shroobmaster Well-Known Member

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    IF Bay actualy considered a this treatment that is.
     
  16. nkelsch

    nkelsch Do you know this Icon? TFW2005 Supporter

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    Well, it isn't terrible, but I do agree with the comment about keeping TFs hidden. I suspect there will be a human population that is scared shitless of transformers and all militaries out to get transforming vehicles so most TFs will need to be in deep cover and the autobots basically 'imprisoned' to protect them.

    Too much has been done to 'cover' it up. it is much easier and plausible to cover up when the incident only happens in one country who can control the flow of media. Also... Sam's face was seen by every human on earth as linked to the disaster. I am unsure if Sam is capable of realistically living a normal life even if they eluded to it at the end of the movie when he went back to school.

    Also, I like *new* transformers. I like when we see new names with new personalities. Skids, Mudflap, Bulkhead, Lugnut, Hot Shot, Cyclonus, Demolishor... Every series, new people who become classic. Not sure that we need pure G1 ports of characters and storylines like Shockwave, Springer and Blitzwing and combaticons. I can save myself 10.50 and watch season 2 if I wanted to see G1 transformers. I would actually risk a terrible movie for a chance to see new transformers instead of playing it safe with g1-friendly ports.

    Your story *COULD* work, I am just not sure it would be better or worse than anything in particular. Like most fan scripts, it simply feels like people trying to shoehorn G1 stuff they like into the movieverse.
     
  17. Bishop

    Bishop Well-Known Member

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    I have a treatment of my own that shares some of the same thoughts, but it goes down in a much diferent way. Just do'nt know how to get Bay to take a look at it.
     
  18. Tkemert20

    Tkemert20 「Dojyaaa~n」 TFW2005 Supporter

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    Damn Dude, That Was AWESOME! If Only Bay Could See It....
     
  19. Yurre

    Yurre I want space nachos XD

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    I really, really REALLY liked this treatment!!!

    Could use some polishing here and there eg. :

    "experiment #84" sounds to much 'lilo & stich".

    Blasters role so far is a little unclear/un-necessary, needs something...




    now..


    Loved Megatron kicking B'cade in car mode.

    Loved Springer

    Loved that Arcee and Jazz get mentioned and respected.

    Loved BB shooting sams "new car".

    Loved Blitzwing as a beast.

    Loved Shockwave.

    Loved Springer and Epps conversation.

    Loved Sideswipe teaching the twins "fighting moves".

    Loved “Oh Primus, it’s an organic!"




    Would like to see a little more comedy involving manly autobots but also involving humans.

    also

    what are your thoughts on Grimlock (dinobots), alt-modes, introductions etc...?



    This is a good route, keep explotions to a minimum, well, less than ROTF anyway..


    Turn this treatment into a script/screenplay and advertise this sucker like there's no tomorrow...
     
  20. Ethereal

    Ethereal A Sad Flareon

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    I liked it. You've taken the basic ideas that have already been in place with the first two (human involvement, for example) and merged them with new ideas. It's a good balance between what we know and bringing in new characters as well without cramming fanwank into it.

    I think some of my comments have already been said by others. I think you're going to need a few more bits of comedy and :bay , but it's very nice so far. I'm anxious to see Part 3.
     

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