Forgive the pasted conversation. It's worth it:

12:01amMark
Lindsay, how were the stupid people today?

12:01amLindsay
hahaha i actually thought of you when my boss told me about her morning

this lady came in and she bought "pageantry" magazine, which is about beauty pageants, and she had on a miss wisconsin tee shirt and a bunch of buttons

so sarah is standing behind the counter doing paperwork with her back to the register and she hears a noise behind her so she turns around

the lady is reaching over the register trying to grab sarah's pen. she sees sarah looking, fumbles and drops the pen and then says "i collect pens and i would like to have that pen"

it was a Holiday Inn pen

like, a crappy ballpoint pen that would cost a dollar for 30 of them at walmart

12:04amMark
Sounds like she's just a textbook kleptomaniac.

12:04amLindsay
and sarah's like "um no, you can't have my pen." and the lady's like "but i COLLECT pens" and sarah's like "so?" and the lady is like "i WANT that pen"

12:04amMark
wow

12:05amLindsay
then she pulls out a giant purple pen from her purse and says "here, hold this pen"

12:05amMark
what??? lol

12:05amLindsay
it's like one of those jumbo, oversized pens

and sarah was like "no, that's okay." and the lady is like "take it" and sarah says, "no i can see it from here"

and then the lady asks sarah if she will trade the holiday inn pen for the giant pen

12:05amMark
wow this is scarier than "Quarantine"

12:06amLindsay
lmao

i agree

and sarah at this point is thinking there is no fucking way this lady is going to get her pen

12:06amMark
hahaha

12:06amLindsay
she kept saying no, and this kept going on for about 20 minutes before the lady finally left

this all started at 8:35 this morning...we open at 8:30

12:07amMark
what a start to the day...

12:07amLindsay
sarah was like "this was a long day"

i was lauhging so hard

nothing that happens there anymore phases me. i'm always like "yeah...yeah, this seems right"

12:07amMark
does the lady know we have a holiday inn in town?

12:08amLindsay
i have no idea

12:08amMark
or are the pens in her collection only satisfying to her if they are stolen or bargained for?

12:08amLindsay
maybe...or maybe she just likes pens with company names on them?

i should really just write a book about that store

but i'm afraid the owner would sue me

12:09amMark
oh man, she would have loved the pfizer viagara pen i had in highschool. got it from a girl whose dad was a doctor. then this crazy dumbass i knew stuck it up his nose. i was like, "no, you keep it now"

12:10amLindsay
that was probably his plan all along

12:10amMark
probably



For the record, I never, ever use "lol". But I actually laughed out loud at that point, so it seemed appropriate.

 

I don't think its lol worthy but ok.

 

Yeah, I'm gonna have to agree with Fresh here. This is definitely worthy of

 

I...I...don't know how to respond to that. Should I become defensive or just let this thread die in shame?

 

You should threaten to never come back, and immediately start another thread.

 

Hmmm....I'll let my pride take the minor hit, and attempt to redeem myself by giving up the late night thread starting for awhile. Sometimes it's like I'm 18 years old again....

 

Don't beat yourself up dude, it happens to the best of us. And feeling like your 18 years old again would still make you older than most of the thread starters in GD during recent times.

 

This is why I lurk most of the time. It seems every time I start posting again I read some comics until I reach the end of the new stuff, I unintentionally make people angry, then I post a few threads in General Discussion that I end up regretting. I mean, seriously....last week I actually started an effing blog. A blog!! I don't even like the word. I really need a better outlet...

 

Well, I can lock this up if you want. Or you can try redeeming the thread. I always like a good comeback story. Up to you.

 

Nah, locking a thread just draws attention to it. Let time be its judge. My ego can take it.

 

these threads never last long...

we just need a "cool story bro" thread where we can post this kind of nonsense..

 

I think the story would have worked better if you'd just summed it up instead of presenting the whole conversation. The payoff wasn't enough to justify the length (a problem most men can sympathise with), whereas a snappier version of the story could have lead into a "so what crazy shit happens at your job?" thread.

 

That sums it up right there.

 

Me riding public transportation. Two bums get on talking about the queen of England. One says "she pays some guy like half a million what ever their moneys called over there to paint her house". The other one, "that shapeshifting bitch". Reply " I know, the royal hierarchy is full of Princesses and ho's".

I told them that the queen of England doesnt live in a house...
They told me to fuck off.

End of Line

 

Was "the other one" David Icke?

 

Goddam Lizard People

 

The lesson here is that pen thieves should be boiled in oil and fed to the lizard people.

 

No. Michael Caine.

End of Line

 

Cool story bro.

 

I work in restaurants. This is above normal for me. I have a lady who will order a tea. We put the tea in the cup for you as per policy. She will not say to keep the tea bag on the side for the sole purpose of tearing whoever doesn't do that a new asshole.

And she comes in daily.