Optimus Prime saves by switching to Geico.

Discussion in 'Transformers General Discussion' started by Coeloptera, Aug 6, 2010.

  1. Coeloptera

    Coeloptera Big, bad beetle-bot

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    I found this while actually searching for Geico info.

    McSweeney's Internet Tendency: A Letter to Optimus Prime From His GEICO Auto Insurance Agent.

    I have no clue if this was ever posted here before so if it needs to be moved or closed, go ahead, mods.

    A LETTER TO
    OPTIMUS PRIME
    FROM HIS GEICO
    AUTO INSURANCE
    AGENT.
    BY JOHN FRANK WEAVER

    - - - -

    Dear Mr. Prime,

    We have received your accident-claim reports for the month of June—they total 27. I regret to inform you that GEICO will not be able to reimburse you for any of those repairs. I feel that I have sent the same letter to you once a month for the last six months, and I am now sending it again.

    Since becoming a GEICO customer in January of this year, you have reported 131 accidents, requesting reimbursement for repairs necessitated by each one. You have claimed not to be responsible in any of them, usually listing the cause of the accident as either "Sneak attack by Decepticons" or "Unavoidable damage caused by protecting freedom for all sentient beings."

    The only repairs for which you were reimbursed were the replacement of a cracked fender and a headlight, required after a Mr. I. Ron Hide backed his van into your truck; these cost $1,286.63. Our own investigation concluded that you were not at fault and that Mr. Hide had been drinking prior to the accident. Though police were unable to test his blood-alcohol level—Mr. Hide claimed that it would be impossible for police to examine his blood-alcohol content with a Breathalyzer, because he "doesn't breathe"—under Washington-state law, refusal to take a Breathalyzer test is equivalent to returning a result above the legal level.

    But, I repeat, those were the only repairs for which you have been reimbursed, and it was a very minor accident in comparison to your other claims. I mention a few to illustrate the larger trend:

    * $379,431.34 requested reimbursement for repairs to your truck cabin. You claimed the damage was caused by attacking fighter jets.

    * $665,789.11 requested reimbursement for repairs to your trailer. You claimed the damage was caused by a giant mechanical scorpion, which I can only assume is some amusement-park ride, although I question the wisdom of bringing your mobile home so close to such dangerous equipment.

    * $6,564,239.44 requested reimbursement for repairs to a truck part called the "Autobot Matrix of Leadership." You stated this occurred in "an ultimate confrontation between good and evil," with a Ms. Meg Atron and a Mr. U. Nicron causing the damage in question. Mr. Prime, I have checked every known car- and truck-part catalog published in the United States and have found nothing even resembling that part, never mind any part so expensive. Whatever disagreements you had with Ms. Atron and Mr. Nicron, I suggest that next time you either settle things peaceably or leave your Autobot Matrix of Leadership at home so it doesn't break. GEICO does not cover Autobot Matrix of Leaderships.

    And the list goes on. Mr. Prime, I am going to remind you again: Your policy with GEICO only reimburses you for accidents that occur while you are engaged in the reasonable use of your truck and trailer. As I told you when you originally purchased the policy, GEICO does not offer Megatron coverage, Starscream coverage, Soundwave coverage, Decepticon coverage, or Energon-blast coverage. Those are just not the types of damages we would expect from reasonable use.

    To sum up, GEICO has been unable to reimburse you for any repairs, but due to the high number of accidents you have been a party to this month, combined with the many accidents you have had in the preceding five months, your premium has increased to $235,567.50 per month. While that may seem like a lot, I remind you that it is a savings of $137 over Progressive and $98 over State Farm. Please have your check into our main office by the end of July.

    Regards,

    Simon Furman
    GEICO Agent
     
  2. Kaymac

    Kaymac I'M REALLY FEELIN' IT!

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    Signed by Simon Furman made it all the more hilarious. I lol'd.
     
  3. Lock Cade

    Lock Cade Tarn Fangirl TFW2005 Supporter

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    :lolol 
     
  4. 643cade

    643cade Well-Known Member

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    :lolol 

    "$6,564,239.44 requested reimbursement for repairs to a truck part called the "Autobot Matrix of Leadership." You stated this occurred in "an ultimate confrontation between good and evil," with a Ms. Meg Atron and a Mr. U. Nicron causing the damage in question. Mr. Prime, I have checked every known car- and truck-part catalog published in the United States and have found nothing even resembling that part, never mind any part so expensive. Whatever disagreements you had with Ms. Atron and Mr. Nicron, I suggest that next time you either settle things peaceably or leave your Autobot Matrix of Leadership at home so it doesn't break. GEICO does not cover Autobot Matrix of Leaderships."

    Seriously LOL'd at "MS. Meg Atron".
     
  5. SuzyPrime

    SuzyPrime The friendly lurker

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    That's been around the internets for years, but it's still funny.
     
  6. SPLIT LIP

    SPLIT LIP Dry built

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    Ms. Meg Atron. I love it.

    This is the best part, though:

     
  7. moreprimeland

    moreprimeland Optimus told me to do it! Moderator TFW2005 Supporter

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    Poor Optimus, those sneak attacks are costly!!! :lol 
     
  8. jtwhoib

    jtwhoib Protocol

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    Ebay:
    :thumbs2: 
     
  9. Ecchokat

    Ecchokat Ponyologiest for Hire!

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    Cracked me up big time
     
  10. Wheeljack_Prime

    Wheeljack_Prime Don't eat me

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    :D 
     
  11. grimlock1972

    grimlock1972 "No Mas" My Wallet

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    :lolol  the gecko must be laughing his tail off!
     
  12. Lion

    Lion Will bite you!

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    Having dinobot scan the gecko, eliminate and replace the gecko would solve a lot of problems.
     
  13. jgoss

    jgoss transformers fan 4 life

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    funny stuff:lol 
     
  14. Dran0n

    Dran0n Junk male

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    That made my day!

    Totally LAWLED.
     
  15. Solrac333

    Solrac333 G1 got it right!

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    Awesome. I can totally see this in Robot Chicken.
     
  16. D-Unit

    D-Unit #1 Heel

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    Good stuff.
     
  17. Tigertrack

    Tigertrack Back In The Game!

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    Funny shit................................
    Wonder what the other Autobots pay for their insurance?
     

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