A co-worker was trying to explain why he was late once again (and thus, making me stay longer), this time because of rain and he was waiting for it to let up and COOLSTORYBRO, EVERYTHING'S READY FOR YOU, HAVE A GOOD ONE.

That pretty much ended the conversation.

 

Depending on the level of creepy I want to project...
"Hey, want to see my basement? I bet you have a wonderful screaming voice"
"Hey, I heard you live near an elementary school. Heh heh, all right. Giggity."

There's always the ever popular.
"You know what, this is a boring story. You have any other boring stories you want to tell, so I can ignore that one too?"

 

Excuse me, I think I left my stove on, and I don't want the cat to burn to badly....

SILENCE! I keel you!

If you don't shut up right now, I'm sending an assassin to kill you.

Look! Chuck Norris getting beaten up!

 

I don't like what you're talking about. Please stop, you're boring me?!  

Works for me. Blunt and to the point! I don't tip toe In, Through or Around conversations and I'll always let someone know when I've had enough of them talking about something I don't find interesting  

 

I like to quietly start mumbling to myself until people leave.

"Six fat whores,
glad to be alive.
One sidled up to Jack
and then there were five."

 

^ I'm guessing your name is Jack? : P

 

"Allright, Shut the fuck up"

Nothing else is needed.

 

"Cannibals eat in groups."


After that, nothing more needs to be said.

 

Excuse me but I really have to go....see the girl that is tied up in the trunk of my car is trying to escape.

 

"I gotta get a kitten soon, I'm getting kinda hungry."

 

I dunno why, but that one had me in tears!  

 

"Mind if I take my pants off?"

 

i sharted all over myself.

 

I'll usually say "I gotta tinkle" and walk off...

I'm 6'5".

 

Used this on a boring date once. It was a great silence bringer.

"My dad and your mom have a kid about your age"

 

http://www.tfw2005.com/boards/gener...ences-can-stop-awkward-conversation-cold.html

Be warned, this thread, and the linked thread will/has attract(ed) trolls.

 

I used to have a stalker last year. I swear, this guy would pop up almost everywhere I went, it was creepy. It all started when I was walking home from the grocery store (it's right across from me) and he was walking with his son. He walked up to me and asked if my hair was real (haha, what the hell?) so I said yes (duh) and he complimented on how nice it was and he liked the shade of black.

After that, I saw him like a million times at the mall, when I took my dogs for a walk and even at the CNE (Canadians will know what this is). He saw me in the grocery store again a few weeks later, came over to say hi and told me his name and his name is the same as my husband's so I was just thinking wtf, is this a joke?


Anyways, I usually just said hi back to him whenever he said hello and then I would scurry off to get away. This one time though, I was walking my dogs and he saw me and started talking to be and asked me if I wanted to go to his place and smoke weed. I was like what the fuck, hell no (only I said it much nicer) and then he said "oh, that's okay, maybe sometime you can give me your number and you can swing by and we can smoke up" and then he said bye (after telling me this long story about how his ex is looking for money and she's a deadbeat mother, blah blah blah) and left to go pick his kid up from school.

Even when I tried to walk off with my dogs, he just kept walking with me and talking about shit I could care less about. I didn't want to be mean so I didn't know what else to do other than to just listen and pretend I was interested in what he was saying. It was weird and I wanted to die.


I never saw him again after, thank goodness.

 

This thread seems pretty awkward. Does that count?

 

I don't speak English.

 

I swear to god, that wasn't me. I got restraining orders in 2 states to prove it!