I accidentally set my neighbors DETACHED garage on fire. When I was young, around 7, I used to live next to my best friend. One day we were in his garage playing with matches (seeing who could hold it longer as the flame burned through the match). Anyway, I remember it burning my thumb, and I threw the match because of it. The match ended up landing in a pile of greasy rags... anyway, to make a long story short, I'm an arsonist. Thankfully my friend's dad didn't press charges or anything since it was his dopey kid that suggested the game. I do vaguely remember my mom giving him some money, though.
I ate sticks of butter out of the fridge and unrolled toilet paper. Yeah, I was a real rebellious toddler.
Bunked off school on numerous occasions (to be far, it was a terrible school that refused to do anything about bullying). Stole sweets from the supermarket. Spat into a teacher's coffee cup (because I hated that teacher and they were a bully). Emptied a bucket of cold water from the bedroom window onto trick or treaters on Halloween.
When I was younger I tried to repeat the way I heard George Carlin say Falcon in a Thomas the Tank Engine episode Only it sounded like he said FULCUN...so I tired to say it and everyone assumed I was dropping F-bombs. For three years I was convinced that Falcon was a bad word
When I was about 11 I hid in a church bathroom to talk with a friend, in order to avoid boring Sunday school class.
Not any of those, I used to have a Thomas the tank engine playset with these fake black balls as acting coal. One got stuck up my nose. Come to think of it, it wasn't a very child friendly set.
Wrote #FucKonami on the table mat (it was paper that they replace) at the restaurant last night. Hid it under the bill. As much as we should spread the word of Jim fucking Sterling son, I feel guilty for it.
I never really did anything too mischievous as a youth... Well, when we would take vacation with my parents and stay in high-rise hotels, I would spit off the balcony and toss down pennies. I wasn't trying to hit anyone, but I was trying to scare them. I also threw rocks at birds, but who didn't do that?
I'm not a particularly vindictive person, but I do have my moments and on the rare occasion, I get revenge successfully without it backfiring. I had gotten an MC Hammer tape and a Walkman for my birthday from my uncle. My mom took it away and disposed of it, because she thought it was innapropriate music for a seven year old, while I stood there and cried. The next day while she was napping, I took her favorite tape and placed it under the wheel of a car and watched as it got run over. She wanted to know if I had seen it a couple days later and I lied to her face. She never did find out what really happened.
When I was 4 or 5 I got in trouble for something which I don't recall and my mother was like "Oh boy you just wait till your father get's home!" and I was all like "YOU wait till he gets home and I tell him what you did you'll be sorry!" Needless to say he got home and sided with his wife of course and I got really annoyed and was like " Why are you being on her side I'm your flesh and blood I'm your kin! You just married her, you can marry anybody and it don't make you blood related like us!" My dad just said "David go to your room and don't come out till supper time." As soon as I'd left the room my dad and mom laughed so hard they had fits at how brazen precocious I was. They still tell that story that story to this day. They always say there grateful that my sister were fun and just the right amount of mischief to make being a parent fun and rewarding.
