My turn to whine...

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by CripNite, Oct 10, 2006.

  1. CripNite

    CripNite That Whack Canuck Dude

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    Heya folks... just wanted to get an opinion on something.

    A few months ago, I got promoted within my company to manager, and had to go to a different store to do this. Since I've been at the new store, I found out that one of my employees (a cashier) had a crush on me, and just recently, we hit things off together and started going out.

    The problem is, that I'm technically her boss.

    We agreed to be as professional as possible while at work, and I've since found 3 occasions of managers co-mingling with their staff (two of the three situations are now married and the other has the two living together).

    Anyways... even though the two of us haven't been going out long, we're both feeling like we've known each other for a long time and feel really good with each other and just last night I told her I loved her... which really makes the work situation harder... I was told by a coworker the other day that any and all inter-staff hooking up is pretty frowned upon. So I was kind've looking around the store and no one is going out with anyone else.... anywhere in the store, except for the two of us.

    I really like my job and I worked hard to get it and I don't want to lose it over this, but I'm also not going to give her up either.

    Should I ask one of the other managers if I can do this as long as I'm professional about it while at work and don't play favourites, or try to hide it as long as possible?

    Simply put, I want my cake and to eat it to. Help me out here folks.
     
  2. Jux

    Jux Please, call me Steve. Veteran

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    It rarely works out that way, and the moment HR gets a whiff of it, you'll be in hot water.

    Best bet is to get her, being of a lower position, to transfer to another dept. or building where she's not your direct report. Otherwise, unless you feel your job is worth losing over her, I'd recommend you cut off the conflict of interest.
     
  3. Nerd Bomber

    Nerd Bomber Consulting your needs

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    You could keep it a secret but then it would probably destroy you both, followed by you having visions of her dying then going on a murdering rampage through the store until you've earned enough dark side points to save her. People may also start underestimating your power soon.
     
  4. RabidYak

    RabidYak Go Ninja Go Ninja Go

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    I'd either get her transfered or get rid of her. There's no sense in pissing away your own hard work for her sake, money is a much higher survival requirement then skirt and the latter can be allot easier to replace depending on local factors and your line of work.
     
  5. Lumpy

    Lumpy Taylor Swift Actionmaster Super Mod

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    id agree with a try for a transfer...or talk to her about it, is she committed to this company? maybe she'd be willing to leave....but ultimately, if you do love her, and she loves you, then do whatcha gotta do...but hiding and getting caught for this can be bad....especially if its manager to employee...i remember once i went out to dinner with a coworker and another girl, just to hang out, nothing serious, and my boss came down on me hard...and i was interested in the girl, but never did anything since she was an employee...
     
  6. Jux

    Jux Please, call me Steve. Veteran

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    Let me reiterate.

    My HR dept. investigated me a few months ago based on pure rumor and speculation that I was in a relationship with someone I worked with. There was no proof, nothing to back it up, but they still grilled me in a small office for half an hour.

    It was dropped, and nothing came from it, but the point they made was clear - if they had proof, I could wave goodbye to any promotion in the next three months, my annual raise, and my standing in the company.

    Seriously. It's not worth it. And if it is, one of you will move on and get another job before it gets any more serious. Do not be blinded by the "honeymoon stage" of your relationship. Be objective and realize in the long run, you gotta look out for Number One.
     
  7. MegaMoonMan

    MegaMoonMan www.megamoonman.com TFW2005 Supporter

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    It all depends on how much of a hardass your HR dept. can be. Has anyone been fired or talked to about this before?

    There's frowned upon, and then there's FROWNED UPON. It all depends on the company and who's in charge.
     
  8. nkelsch

    nkelsch Do you know this Icon? TFW2005 Supporter

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    She isn't going to get in trouble... you are.

    And if there is a policy against it, you are in the wrong.

    And you lose your authority as the first disgruntled suborniate you have will simply 'snitch' on your relationship, get you fired and probably get your position.

    But you gone ahead and dun did it.

    So discuss with her.

    One of the following things has to happen:

    1. She quit/transfer out from under you.

    2. You quit/transfer out from over her.

    3. Stop dating.

    4. You get fired for breaking the rules and screw up your life making it less likley she will stay with you.

    If it is important to you guys... you will figure out how to make 1 or 2 work out. If no one can make the sacrifice and you guys can't figure it out, you will have to simply not see each other.

    Sorry... It sucks. No dating at work.
     
  9. Team Jetfire

    Team Jetfire Pop-POP!

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    I suppose it depends on your company’s stance on such issues. I have worked for a few places were there was much more going on between employees than work stuff:
    There was a married couple who were store manager and assistant manager.
    A dept manager who started dating a new full time employee, but was soon transferred to another store- but never penalized because of it.

    I think for the most part employers should recognize that there may be times when people meet on the job and things happen, but as other have said, you both have worked hard to get where you are, is it worth giving it up?
     
  10. Lumpy

    Lumpy Taylor Swift Actionmaster Super Mod

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    you know, the other day they mentioned stuff like this on the radio, and that more and more companies are realizing people meet and like each other and work together, so maybe your company has a policy....
     
  11. Spartan-117

    Spartan-117 Well-Known Member

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    I've never understood why dating someone you work with is so frowned upon. Sure I guess there could be problems with favouritism but that problem doesn't disappear just because two people aren't dating. You'll still have people who are friends playing favourites.
    It's actually pretty nuts when you think about it, you spend a lot of time at work so it's far more likely that you'll build relationships, romantic or otherwise, with people there.
     
  12. *Deathblade

    *Deathblade Well-Known Member

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    The issue is usually more about when people break up, than when they are are couple...break ups can be one of the most polarizing and demoralizing issues to hit an office, as people tend to rally behind one person or the other.

    In regards to your relationship, dude....you are pretty much screwed, unless you can find a tactful way to have her relocate. If your relationship goes sour, or if you have to discipline one of your co-workers you can bet on a trip to HR.

    Whether you want to believe it or not, my guess is some of your subordinates already know. Women in general are attracted to power, and they never can keep something like fraternization to themselves.
     
  13. Random Autobot

    Random Autobot Soviet Kanukistani

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    First of all, study your companies employee guidelines, or equivalent policy document to see if there is indeed a formal policy on staff relationships. If not, you can certainly use that as a defence if you're relationship ever becomnes public. I briefly dated a co-worker (now, granted, we were both managers) the HR guy dissaproved, but several of our other superiors were completely behind the relationship, and were quite happy for us. Also, there was no policy on co-workers having a romantic relationship. In the end, it wasn't an issue, as she was transferred to a campaign in San Fran, and we decided that a month long relationship wasn't worth carrying on long distance. However, we were in the clear because we studied our companies policy documents. Check them out, if you haven't already.

    Otherwise, have her look to move to another store. It will be better in the long run.
     
  14. nkelsch

    nkelsch Do you know this Icon? TFW2005 Supporter

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    Just because a company has a policy doesn't make it EVIL... just not allowed.

    If you want to work there, thems the breaks.

    In some companies, it is simply too much of a liability to allow 'relationships'. The threat of 'sleeping your way to the top' or 'bosses forcing sex for work-related rewards' are simply not acceptable in some corporate cultures. Usually Bigger the company, the less this stuff is allowed.

    Even if there is no conflict of interests, the PERCEPTION is all someone needs to win a lawsuit.
     
  15. Jux

    Jux Please, call me Steve. Veteran

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    Even when something is "loosely frowned upon," there's always the chance that you become the "example" that the company uses to prove that they're taking things seriously.
     
  16. MegaMoonMan

    MegaMoonMan www.megamoonman.com TFW2005 Supporter

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    True, but again, it depends on the company and who's in charge. They may make an example of you; they may not give a fuck. It's all a crapshoot.

    If you're truly worried about loosing your job, you should think it through carefully. At LEAST find out what the official policy is for sure. Employee word of mouth isn't always reliable.
     
  17. Kranix2k

    Kranix2k Spare me this mockery!! TFW2005 Supporter

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    I agree. I'd definitely find out what the official policy on this type of relationship is. If its reasonable to do so, you may want to have this person you care for involved in it too, just so she doesnt get the axe all of a sudden without a warning. Before I got married, I dated women I worked with - even my boss one time - several times and the company never seemed to have a problem with it.

    Personally speaking, I think this kind of policy is total bullshit. The companies that make the Non-Fraternization policies always seem to be the same ones that the married CEO is getting the blowjob daily from his secretary.
     
  18. CripNite

    CripNite That Whack Canuck Dude

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    Thanks folks for the input, I didn't imagine the lot of you would give two shits about this situation, so it means a lot.

    I am definitely going to check out the policy and see what the union rep says about this kind of thing... it's happened before in the company, I know that, so it's not like it's "against the rules"... but probably not the greatest thing one could do.

    Our store itself doesn't have an "HR" department, but the company overall does and we basically only use it when someone's in shit or there's some kinda thing we can't handle at our level.

    I think I might call up one of the folks that's gone through this and see what happened to them during it for advice.

    Huh... I'm really happy this year because I got my promotion, and because I've found someone that really cares about me. But the combination of the two is a source of great stress right now.

    Meh.
     
  19. Altercron

    Altercron Well-Known Member

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    Im never going to undertsand why this is "frowned upon". It's ridculous, people's private lives have nothing to do with their work.

    I know showing favoritism could be a problem, but it's easily solved by putting the (in this case) girlfreind under management of a different person.
     
  20. nkelsch

    nkelsch Do you know this Icon? TFW2005 Supporter

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    It is SUPPOSED to have nothing to do with their work.

    But many times it does.

    It is called 'conflict of interests'. Even if you are acting ethical but there is a conflict of interests you have to clear it up or everything you do can and will be clouded by it.

    And people to use their position as management over employees to 'pressure' them into doing things they don't want to do. So in one situation it may be a consenual relationship between a worker and their boss, in others it may be an unwilling relationship that the subordinate participates in to keep their job or not suffer at work.

    And in our legal system the company is 'liable' for friggin everything.

    So Companies have policies to protect themselves and will throw you to the dogs if your 'adult private relationship' effects them in any way.

    It depends on the job, the type of work, the type of supervision but NEVER does it have *NO* effect. no one is completley 100% non biast and even that single employee having 'your ear' where they get their personal needs seen and addressed more than other staff members is all it takes to cause an issue.
     

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