My own relationship issue

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Ktulu, Sep 13, 2007.

  1. Ktulu

    Ktulu Whoosh TFW2005 Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2002
    Posts:
    14,865
    News Credits:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    291
    Likes:
    +3
    Hello my beloved nerds, in the vein of relationship-esque threads, I figured I'd go ahead and ask your advice on something.

    Background - I had a former relationship that was pretty serious and lasted a while, but we were both young and so it kinda fell apart eventually, as you might expect. It's a whole big situation, I've talked about it a little before but I won't go into it all right now, that part of it isn't important at the moment.

    Anyway, despite it ending before, we've gotten back in touch over the summer (she came to me first) and it got me feeling like I should ask if she'd like to try again, we're both in better places with our lives, we're both more mature, and all the good things we saw in each other are still there too, blah blah, it just feels right to me. I'd like a fresh start, no bullshit about the past, just try to see where it goes, if anything is there and if it could work.

    So, I got up the courage and just asked her, told her how I'd like to just start over with no pressure. All she said was "maybe." That was a week ago. I have no idea how to take that, and I have no idea how to handle it from there. I don't want to be pushy, I just figured I'll give her the space she needs to think about it, if that's what the issue is, but I don't want to just totally leave it alone if that's not the right thing either. So, I'm really hurting for some advice here, what in the world am I supposed to do now, if there is anything to do other than just wait to see if she gets back to me on it?

    I'll be honest, I was happy she didn't say no, but I don't totally have my hopes all the way up, I know it could go either way.

    Anyway guys, thanks for any wisdom you might be able to share, and thanks for reading, tis much appreciated.
     
  2. Switch625

    Switch625 "Up, up, and away!"

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2005
    Posts:
    4,889
    Trophy Points:
    202
    Likes:
    +4
    In my experience with women, any answer other than "yes" is "no". There is no "maybe" in relationships. But I'm cynical so what do I know?
     
  3. Ktulu

    Ktulu Whoosh TFW2005 Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2002
    Posts:
    14,865
    News Credits:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    291
    Likes:
    +3
    Well, maybe is what she said! :p  I know that she must be leaning one way or another, but obviously, or I presume at least, there's no way to tell which at the moment.

    Just need to know how to handle it for now, if I just need to wait for her to come back to me with an answer or what. I'm just lost on the matter. I don't want to screw it up at this stage if there is a possibility of another chance.
     
  4. Switch625

    Switch625 "Up, up, and away!"

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2005
    Posts:
    4,889
    Trophy Points:
    202
    Likes:
    +4
    Well, you've made the first move and put yourself out there. Now comes the hard part - waiting. Give her some time and space and if it's meant to be, she'll come around. Good luck!
     
  5. Moonscream

    Moonscream YES, We EXIST!

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2003
    Posts:
    4,333
    News Credits:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    202
    Location:
    The best, the Pacific Northwest!
    Likes:
    +17
    Yep, that's what you have to do. Wait. Wait until she's sure, and that will probably take a while. Impatience WILL blow it.

    In fact, act like you've totally forgotten you asked the question, and you'll take the pressure off the both of you.

    --Moony
     
  6. Switch625

    Switch625 "Up, up, and away!"

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2005
    Posts:
    4,889
    Trophy Points:
    202
    Likes:
    +4
    Yeah and if she doesn't give you an answer... well there's your answer.
     
  7. Gears

    Gears buh-buh-body ya Veteran

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2004
    Posts:
    24,583
    News Credits:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    296
    Likes:
    +12
    Ebay:
    Ask her again? Like at the end of a phone call. Ask her out to a movie or something and then spill your guts to her.
     
  8. Switch625

    Switch625 "Up, up, and away!"

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2005
    Posts:
    4,889
    Trophy Points:
    202
    Likes:
    +4
    I completely disagree. The last thing you want to do is nag her about it. That makes you look bad. Plus, women don't like to feel pressured. You put it out there. She knows it's on the table. She's not likely to forget it's on the table. She'll give you an answer when she gets her head around it.
     
  9. Wyvern

    Wyvern Velvet Sanchez

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2003
    Posts:
    8,364
    News Credits:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    226
    Likes:
    +1
    "maybe" = NO....

    Dude just save your energy and move on. Why would you want to take fifty million steps back in the wrong direction? It ended because it was broken. Let it be. Remember the good times. Learn from your past mistakes and apply what you have learned to your next relationship....with someone else. You guys have a bad past....shit will resurface again and become a problem....trust me.
     
  10. DragoUnicron

    DragoUnicron Dragon Master

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2002
    Posts:
    1,572
    Trophy Points:
    161
    Likes:
    +0
    All you can do is be confident. Confidence goes far in other's perceptions on who you are. Even if her "maybe=no" when it was in her mind then, it doesn't mean that she will not eventually change her mind. Do as was suggested earlier, keep on interacting as if you never asked her. Trust me, she remembers that you asked, you do not need to remind her (reminding will only annoy and pressure her). Be there for her, enjoy her company, act normal, and if she really sees something in you, she will approach you. The ball is in her court now. All you have to is relax, be confident, and be yourself.
     
  11. FreshDebesh

    FreshDebesh <b><font color=brickred>oye chak de phatte!</font> Veteran

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2002
    Posts:
    8,865
    Trophy Points:
    221
    Likes:
    +0
    The best action in this case is...inaction. Let her come to you and you go about your business. Don't make it seem like you're thinking about it.
     
  12. Bumble Prime

    Bumble Prime all the time

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2006
    Posts:
    2,850
    Trophy Points:
    201
    Likes:
    +0
    dont make any effort.

    in fact anything short of her showing up at your door in bra and panties with a bottle of jack, i would not pursue. You put it out there, and since it was just a reconnecting thing, theres nothing to lose by just letting it slide.
     
  13. Sycia

    Sycia Draconian Faction

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2007
    Posts:
    1,226
    Trophy Points:
    126
    Likes:
    +0
    Gee... I'm a female myself and I'm stumped too.

    But it looks like she was trying to say no in a nice way. The possibility of a relationship is there, down the road, but probably isn't now. So... yeah. Wait a while, see what she does or hints (you gotta be extra sensitive to this now XD), then decide if you want to wait, or move on.
     
  14. BigPrime3000

    BigPrime3000 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2002
    Posts:
    3,407
    Trophy Points:
    186
    Likes:
    +0
    Like everyone else has said, the ball's in her court now so you just have to wait and see what she does.

    If another week or so goes by and you still have no clue ask her out for a one-on-one kind of thing like going out for drinks for a little bit, but don't mention anything about what you said. Just keep it light and get a feel for the situation and if it feels like she is open keep waiting a while longer, if not you know you need to move on.
     
  15. Predaking

    Predaking Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2002
    Posts:
    9,991
    Trophy Points:
    211
    Likes:
    +0
    I guess she wants more time to sort out her feelings for you, but a "maybe" answer is the worst. It leaves you hanging and doesn't give her any pressure to give you a definitive answer. You'll have to figure out where to go from here. Either give her as much time as she needs to gives you the answer, which means you will constantly be thinking and waiting and putting off other potentional relationships, or move on and date other woman. If she sees you happy with other woman she may want you more. It'll show her that you don't need her in your life. Hope this helps.
     
  16. Liege Prime

    Liege Prime Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2006
    Posts:
    8,563
    News Credits:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    232
    Likes:
    +16
    "Maybe", huh? Well, I have an interesting little story (well, I think so anyways). I was married, and we were pretty young (22), and we were happily married 2 years for a total of being together for 5 years, but after that two years of marriage, our relationship immmaturity caught up with us and the truth of the matter is niether was willing to sacrifice enough for one another. We split up. The following two years, there were times she wanted to come back to me and times I wanted to come back to her, but never at the same time. Either I had a reason to say no or she did.

    About 2 and half years later, I graduated from school. I tried communicating with her but she was living in a different state so I really couldn't get a hold of her, giving me the impression that "well, that's that". And, a couple months later, I got together with a girl I met in college a little after I spereated from my Wife. This new relationship is amazing, and I swear I now feel horrible at the thought of missing out on it if I actually got back together with my Wife.

    Now, I did contact my wife since, and once she found out I was with someone else, it really hurt her emotionally, and now seems to want me back more then ever. I am not going back, but the moral of the story is this: There could be a whole better relationship waiting for you somewhere, but if you really DID want to get her attention, find another girl to date, and that will bring out her true feelings since she knows you aren't just sitting and waiting for her. So, get out there and look for something else for the time being, I say.
     
  17. Wolfguard

    Wolfguard Your own personal Jesus.

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2004
    Posts:
    2,987
    Trophy Points:
    202
    Likes:
    +19
    QFT

    Seriously, let her go and move on. There's no shortage of fish in the sea, and chances are, you'll find a much better catch.


    I wanna run from everything -
    - everthing that holds me down
    Nothing to win, nothing to lose
    It's time to be what I need to be

    You can't tell me what to do anymore
    You can't tell me what to do anymore
    You can't tell me what to do anymore

    Now I'm free
    Now I'm free
    Now I'm free

    - Free,
    V.A.S.T.



    :dj 
     
  18. Ktulu

    Ktulu Whoosh TFW2005 Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2002
    Posts:
    14,865
    News Credits:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    291
    Likes:
    +3
    Thanks for the replies. Moving on and finding someone else isn't what I'm interested in at the moment, I'll just wait this out for now. When I know for sure there's just no chance, then I'll let it go, but like I said, I am interested in her and as long as the "maybe" is there I'm not going to just forget her.

    Again, thanks.
     
  19. KA

    KA PENIS GOES WHERE?!!

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2003
    Posts:
    23,222
    News Credits:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    312
    Likes:
    +17
    ooh. tricky. lets just say, i wouldnt blueball myself over something like this.
     
  20. ILoveDinobot

    ILoveDinobot Arise Rodimus Prime

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2006
    Posts:
    14,996
    News Credits:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    262
    Location:
    Long Island
    Likes:
    +33
    wow this is a hard one since I don't know the girl, but if I say maybe to a guy, it means well there is someone else I like and if that doesn't go over well I will get back to you. Or she could be saying no, I kind of dance around saying no sometimes too.
     

Share This Page