My Ex is going out with my friend tonight...

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Cinemastique, Feb 13, 2010.

  1. Cinemastique

    Cinemastique Earth Culture Specialist

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    I’m posting partially just to vent, but also to hopefully get some emotional counsel.

    My girlfriend of 3 years and I broke up about 3 weeks ago. It wasn’t a bad breakup; we had drifted steadily into the “friend zone” over about six months, and the breakup was mainly just deciding not to call ourselves a couple anymore, since we mainly just hang out platonically.

    Last week at a Superbowl party, I noticed my ex kinda flirting with one of my friends, Steven (they had just met). To my surprise, it didn’t really bug me. See, Steven’s the guy who’ll talk to any girl in the bar (he’s very social and friendly). Also, I realized she was fresh from a relationship, and trying to get back out there. Steven is also seven years younger than her (he’s 22), so that helped.

    Today, though, my ex messaged me to tell me that Steven asked her to come hang out with him tonight. She said it’s not an official date, but that he’s cute, and she’s “rebounding,” and it’d be nice to have someone to flirt with (TOO MUCH INFO). I feel crushed.

    I know that we’re just friends now, and when we decided to remain friends I realized that, sooner or later, I’d see her dating. I feel like that’s okay. Still, I think I’d feel better if it was someone I’m not friends with.

    1) Rebounding is natural, I get that, but if some random guy takes her out for one date, things don’t work out, or she gets hurt, well, it’s not a guy she or I have to deal with ever again. We can buy her a beer and drag the guy through the mud. Can’t do that with a friend. Whatever happens (or fails to happen), all of us share a friend group.

    2) Steven never approached me to see if asking to spend time with my ex of three years one-on-one would bother me. We’ve only been broken up for three weeks. I know that’s not an official rule, but it feels like a bit of a “bro code” violation.

    3) That it’s not serious and just “rebounding” somehow makes it worse. If they were really into one another, then who am I to stand in the way? They’ve only known one another a week, though. With it being casual, it just feels like the possible repercussions don’t matter. If it’s just a rebound, does it have to be with a friend of mine?
    I made it clear that I wasn’t crazy about the idea (I owe it to her to be honest, but I didn’t explain all of this ^^^ to her. I don’t want to be Hovery Ex).

    I am conflicted. I don’t want to be a jerk, and it’s really not up to me. Still, I feel like with all of the guys where we live, she could have a rebound date with someone I don’t know. It hurts. I know part of it is Alpha Male Jealousy as seeing her dating again, but it’s all the other components that really make it bad.
     
  2. smkspy

    smkspy is one nice fucking kitty

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    :::resists the urge to be silly:::

    First, it really depends on how well you and Steve know each other when it comes to violating the Bro-code. If you're just work buddies that socialize occasionally or something like that, then he has no obligation to disclose anything to you. On the other hand, if you guys are close and have known each other for quite a while, then yeah, he should have something.

    Secondly, go rebound yourself. Just don't like I did and wake up six months later realizing you're in a relationship with a girl that you really can't stand. Ironically, it's the rebound girl that won't seem to go away, while I haven't talked to my ex (5 yr relationship) in going on 5 years now...wow, time does fly.
     
  3. McBradders

    McBradders James Franco Club! Moderator

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    That's a tough and shit situation to be in. There's no real easy way out of this one, I'm sorry to say. Time to play ostrich :( 
     
  4. Aernaroth

    Aernaroth <b><font color=blue>I voted for Super_Megatron and Veteran

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    Your ex got a sister? I think you know where I'm going with this.
     
  5. Nachtsider

    Nachtsider Banned

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    [​IMG]
     
  6. Optimus Sledge

    Optimus Sledge Yar har fiddle di dee

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    I see where you're going, but I just don't understand how buggering a heron will help. Is the ex a bird-lover?
     
  7. trump

    trump WWBD?

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    I'm sure there's a way to score a threesome out of this. Get creative!
     
  8. Chaos Muffin

    Chaos Muffin Misadventure Veteran

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    It happens to the best of us, just don't feel stupid or anything.
    It does'nt make you less of a man in anyway. The shit hurts though, in an annoying way.

    You're the cool one in the situation, as long as you play your cards right and
    don't do anything wierd.
    Even better, wish them the best. Tell her he's a cool guy, and tell him she was a good girl.
    This is called the high road, and in time will serve you well.
     
  9. firehawc_69

    firehawc_69 cloppers = ignore list

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    Man up and stop whining. Go get a hooker or a drunk chick.


    What? Good advise as any....
     
  10. Liokaiser

    Liokaiser Super Mod

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    What CM said.
     
  11. ChldsPlay

    ChldsPlay Well-Known Member

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    If this guy just NOW met her after you've been together for 3 years, then he must not have been a very close friend to begin with, and I think you can throw any references to a "bro code" out the window, as well as the excuse of you and her having to deal with him if something goes wrong since it seems you don't see much of him to begin with.

    In the words of Papa Titus, "Quit being a wussy!"
     
  12. Team Jetfire

    Team Jetfire Pop-POP!

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    How good of a friend is Steve?

    IMO He fucked up, but you can't go all crazy ex boyfriend about it, so here is what you need to do. Get some buddies together and hit the town. If you don't want to go out, stay in, play poker, do something, anything to get your mind off him and her. If they hit is off great, if they don't, then you and Steve will have something to talk about, namley, her boobs.
     
  13. Optimus Sledge

    Optimus Sledge Yar har fiddle di dee

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    How? Is the poor bastard supposed to check with some dude he apparently doesn't know very well every time he meets a woman?
     
  14. Team Jetfire

    Team Jetfire Pop-POP!

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    Where did he say that he didn't know Steve very well? That is why I asked how good a friend he is. Op said himself that he was surprised that Steve didn't say anything about the date. And only after three weeks? Seems a bit too soon for a good friend to move in on a girlfriend.
    Plus:

    The Bro Code

    Granted, there pretty big list of stuff there, but as Steven was in violation of Article 3 I see it as being a legitimate issue...
     
  15. Optimus Sledge

    Optimus Sledge Yar har fiddle di dee

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    He'd been going out with the girl for three years and never introduced her to his "friend." Either the relationship was never serious, or Steve ain't a close friend.
     
  16. Team Jetfire

    Team Jetfire Pop-POP!

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    Yep, your right...

    Steve does not equal a bro.

    Still though, go have fun with your other mates.
     
  17. kenm2474

    kenm2474 LORD DC TFW2005 Supporter

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    There is a Bro Code that you dont ever date your friends exes. It causes problems.
    EDIT: Posted befor I saw someone had already Posted the Bro Code.
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2010
  18. Dremare

    Dremare Had an Epiphany

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    Yea, that is harsh.
     
  19. trump

    trump WWBD?

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    That's a retarded code. If you're going to go so far to make sure you don't tread on the toes of your "bro", you might as well just turn your bromance into a proper romance.
     
  20. smkspy

    smkspy is one nice fucking kitty

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    Bro code only applies to Bros, and not every male friend is a bro.

    And if you never meet the bro's long term girlfriend, as others have said, then he isn't bro.
     

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