Let's Hear Your Own Personal FML Story

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Poho, Jun 19, 2009.

  1. Poho

    Poho That's MISTER Poho to you

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    A few weeks ago, my roommate and I were walking in the mall, and saw a man in a wheelchair who was pulling himself along with his feet. We both laughed at the epic fail, and continued on our way. A couple days later, my girlfriend and I went to get some lunch at a fast food place, and I was telling her the story as we pulled in. Just as I was stepping out of the car, I was in the middle of saying "...and I was like, what the fuck are you doing in a wheel chair?" I turned around and there was a paraplegic guy in a wheel chair right behind me, who definitely heard what I had said.
     
  2. butz

    butz slippery when wet

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    I don't get it; if he was in a wheel chair why was he using his feet to pull himself along? Doesn't that kinda defeat the whole purpose?
     
  3. Spoon

    Spoon Banned

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    ...

    [​IMG]
     
  4. Spartan Prime

    Spartan Prime is an apathetic douchebag

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    I don't get it...
     
  5. Optimus Sledge

    Optimus Sledge Yar har fiddle di dee

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    For butz and Spartan Prime, I nominate these moments:
     
  6. Poho

    Poho That's MISTER Poho to you

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    in less than four posts, this thread reached epic amounts of fail
     
  7. Socialvegetable

    Socialvegetable Wrecker

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    Haha, I've got a good one. I worked at Staples way back when I was in high school, and I was up at the copy center talking to the copy center lead (lower management). So we're talking and all of a sudden these two young kids (like 3-6yrs boy and girl) come running into the copy center acting like dinosaurs and rolling on the floor. I turn to the woman and said "that's what happens when you smoke crack while you're pregnant." What I expected was a laugh, maybe even a snicker. What I got was "THOSE ARE MY KIDS!!"

    Whoops. She was mildly offended but knew I was joking and had no idea they were hers, so she got over it.

    Also, at the same job, I was carrying a case of paper and walking backwards when I bumped into someone behind me and stepped on their foot. I said "I'm really sorry, I didn't see you there" as I was turning around...then I saw the guy, and he was a dwarf, an angry one.

    One more, and then I'll stop.
    My wife and two of our friends were at a Wendy's in Florida once, and the girl at the register kept misentering our orders and such. So after we finally got our food and sat down, my wife unwraps her burger and notices there's something wrong with it. she lifts her head and says "that girl at the register is a fucking idiot." Who's wiping down the table right behind my wife? That girl from the register. She looked pissed, but didn't let on that she heard the comment. The rest of us just went "shhhhhh" and shook our heads.

    We're awkward people.
     
  8. Jarodimus

    Jarodimus the guy with that scan Veteran TFW2005 Supporter

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    I don't know what "FML" means.

    Does that mean I just had an FML moment?
     
  9. Poho

    Poho That's MISTER Poho to you

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    EPIC!!!
     
  10. TheIncredibleHulk

    TheIncredibleHulk Find Gary Busey!

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    When I worked in a video store years ago, some kid came in, his face was bright red.

    Me: "Thats a pretty bad sunburn"
    Him: "I was born like this."
    Me: "Oh......"

    Must have been a birthmark or something. Still made him pay for the rental.
     
  11. BadJeff

    BadJeff Bite my shiny metal ass!

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    Here's my moment of brilliance from several years back....
    I worked at a motorcycle shop as parts manager. Customer calls in and is trying to explain to me that his wife will be comming in to pick up his parts but i have a hell of a time understanding him because he sounded like a 95 year old that smoked 3 packs a day for life. Finally get off the phone and turn to buddy beside me and i start mocking the guy (trying hard to sound like him). I've got 3 dudes at the counter howling their asses off when I notice a very short lady standing on the otherside of the counter. She was so short i didn't see here behind the monitor while i was entertaining everyone. I ask "can i help you" and sure enough.... "Hi, i'm here to pick up parts for my husband".... she heard the whole damn thing... I turned to my counter guy and say please pull her parts as i turn and walk away feeling like the worlds biggest idiot. Shitty part is I find out dude had throat cancer. I've never felt like such an asshole......
    *correction.... one other asshole moment of mine... parts guy is showing me a pack of parts (behine a wall by the parts counter) that a customer would like to return. I look at the bag and brilliantly comment "wtf.. did their f'n dog chew the bag like that"... I turn and go the the counter, say "Hi" and the lady immediately says "I opened that, not my dog".....
     
  12. Sage o' G-fruit

    Sage o' G-fruit Critics gonna critique

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    I once kicked someone in the where the sun don't shine when I was younger.

    Um...that's it. :/
     
  13. Optimus Sledge

    Optimus Sledge Yar har fiddle di dee

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    I once got roped into doing telesales work at a job I had. Hate telesales, can't sell for shit, so wasn't really paying attention. System dials through, I read out what it says onscreen: "Hello, is Mr. Cockburn there?" Frosty voice at other end of phone: "It's pronounced 'Coburn.'"

    Didn't make a sale.
     
  14. ams

    ams Generation All Veteran

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    Ebay:
    FML: Your everyday life stories

    Actually pretty good for a laugh, but I'd imagine most are made up.
     
  15. QuantumShock

    QuantumShock Stay for brunch ?

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    Not sure it is worthy or not.

    When I was 9, my parents forced me to learn swimming. I came to a stage that I nee to learn how to dive. I refused to do so and the coach had no choice but to let me back into the pool. As I tried to climb down, I slipped and fell head first into the water.
     
  16. Jarodimus

    Jarodimus the guy with that scan Veteran TFW2005 Supporter

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    Ah, thanks. Never heard of that site before. From the context of the stories told so far here, I was imagining that F = "foot" and M = "mouth". Couldn't figure out what the L would be.

    So, yes, I've got one of those:

    In senior year of college, I was walking to my 8:30AM Biology class. It was raining, so I had a hoodie on with the hood up, and my glasses in the waist pocket. I was crossing a street with the "WALK" sign, when suddenly I felt a thump on my left shoulder and was lying on the ground on my right side. I looked up to discover I'd just been hit by an SUV. I pulled my foot out from under the right front tire, got up, and yelled at the driver that I had the right of way. I was going to continue walking, but then I discovered that my glasses had been knocked out of my pocket and crushed. I picked them up, showed them to the guy, and got his information so he could buy me a new pair. (During this, he told me that he hit me because he was looking in the back seat for his umbrella while making a right turn.) I got out and continued on to class, only to discover that it was canceled!
     
  17. Poho

    Poho That's MISTER Poho to you

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    wow that's like a triple whammy
     
  18. Vexza

    Vexza Nerdicon

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    My cousin has a birthmark like that.
     
  19. battleboy

    battleboy Admiral of Awesomness

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    2 related stories:

    I went to college in Fl and got a job as the head laboratory assistant for the science dept. All I did was set up and tear down labs for all the different classes. Keep track of inventory etc...

    Story1- The same year Katrina came through, my college was hit with 4 hurricanes. I had a 8am lab to setup and it was going to take me a while to do it. When I woke up, it was a maelstrom, but when I called the front office, they had not cancelled classes yet. So I ran across campus in the pouring rain, I'm completely soaked because I couldn't find my coat. I came across a custodian as I was unlocking the building and he told me that classes were cancelled... I run back to my dorm room and realize that my roommates have locked the door behind me and I don't have my room key... I bang on the door for 5 minutes before they wake up and open it for me. I looked like a drowned rat.

    Story2- Cleaning up a chemistry lab I had gathered all the glassware to wash it. As I turn around, I see I left one beaker on the counter. It has a clear liquid in it, and I'm almost positive it's water... If it's acid, I have to nuetralize it before I can dispose of it. I only have one finger available that I can grab the neck of the container, but I can't waft it to smell the contents... again I'm sure it's water, but I gotta check... So i stick my nose right over the beaker and take a big whiff of... full strength Hydrochloric Acid. I couldn't smell anything for a week.

    I lied one more... Cleaning a chemistry lab, I cut my finger and instinctively stuck said finger in my mouth... I don't remember the rest of the day...
     
  20. darkmgmstr

    darkmgmstr Blue Lantern Corps Member

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    I have two.

    Freshman year of college, I was studying from my final exam of the year. I was up with a buddy of mine who was playing video games. I was just going over lecture notes to memorize facts I might get asked during the final. It got way late into the night and my buddy recommended to me to sleep since I had a 8am final. So I called it a night and put my cell phone alarm to wake me up 30 mins. before the start of the final. When I woke up, my clock said 8:10am, so I rushed to my exam. Right when I got there, the professor refused to give my final exam because people were finishing it left and right. The professor was being a complete jerk to me about the rules even tho I was the only one who showed up late. I ended up failing the class.

    A few weeks ago, one of my coworkers called in sick because he wasn't feeling well, so I decided to cover his shift. Once the shift is over, I swing by 7/11 and pick up a slurpie in a Transformers: ROTF cup as a treat to myself. So, I am riding my bicycle with one hand holding the slurpie, one hand holding the handlebar, and a bag of stuff on the other handlebar. Suddenly, the bag falls off. I hit the brakes, only to be hurled forward by my bike. I sprain my left wrist, bang my knee on the pavement, and stopped laying face up towards the sky. I see my own bike coming at me and it smacks me right on the forehead. I was really banged up that night.
     

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