Kind of depressed.

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by TheDemonDzko, Mar 5, 2012.

  1. TheDemonDzko

    TheDemonDzko °-{[●□●]}-° {Beep. Boop.)

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    It is three twenty one in the morning. Why is this three twenty seven in the morning?

    My life, is pretty meaningless. I collect toys, I go to work, I go to school, I talk to my girlfriend, and I save up for a vehicle so I may be able to visit said girlfriend.

    I collect little transforming statues, that are supposed to represent a fictional character and it almost replaces the priority that would be in the religious aspect of my life, where as most people would sit in church on Sunday, I would much rather feed my greed and collect more pieces of plastic that represent a character.

    I go to work, at a place that I have to constantly remind myself that "It is for the money..." almost as if I am whoring myself out to the clown that pays my checks. Every time I come into the workplace, it is almost clockwork that various managers dislike my prescience because, I have yet to be trained by the training manager in a separate station other than fries, lobby, towel buckets, tea, pies, and stocking. I honestly wish I wasn't at the bottom of this food chain, do I have to earn my way up to this fictional top? No... I don't see myself working at this place for a long period of time, just until something better comes my way, something that is more fulfilling besides I have only worked their three months, I shouldn't be complaining, but that nagging reminder that I am apparently holding the rest of the team back irks me beyond belief, especially in a workplace that prides itself with being superior to other locations of it's variety in the valley, yet... Here I am sitting in a pile of fries. I should just be thankful I have this one, but my greed for more jobs keeps compelling me to want more, to want everything.

    I go to school at one of the least respected places in the valley, community college. Though, it reflects who I am academically. A moron. I have never gotten good grades, for I am a sloth, and if I do not understand the work at hand usually give up, without seeking help or looking the answer up, though I feel that school should be more so about learning, then its current state of being based on tests and busy work. I just cannot learn without a teacher teaching, online or offline. Yet, in my academic career I have had almost nothing but people that pretend to be teachers, yet only care about the test grades, due to the fact that that reflects the teacher, not about how much information is retained by the students, that one day will be the future of our world. Will I ever use this information? Probably not. However, I would like to think that this information is worthwhile, because at that point, why am I even going to school? Just by my questioning, and my lack of proper grammar I am a perfect reflection of the failure of the education system, though it is possibly just an excuse to hide the fact that I am a moron. Though, perhaps that is why I have this crappy job in the fast-food industry. I am not much better for anything else, not that there is anything else due to the economy, however... even if the economy was better, what would I do? Probably work at this same shitty job and earn a minimal living whilst I'm held back by this "education" i'm seeking, and failing miserably at doing so.

    Really, the only thing keeping me mildly sane, and I use the term mildly loosely. Is the fact that I have my girlfriend. Though, I worry that I use her more of a crutch then I do a significant other, because I hardly see her anymore, except at the work place because we both happen to work there because the manager was unaware we where dating, which I find to be luck on my part. Especially since he doesn't care that me and her are dating. Though, again it comes back to... what if? What if I wasn't dating her... What would I be now? I don't socialize much anymore, except for the occasional phone-call with my friends who since december of two years go live on the other side of town, and the brief conversations I have with said girlfriend, because she is also busy with school and work, though she is busy with schoolwork that is actually meaningful, she is doing what I wish I could be doing. Art. Though, ironically it is what I am going to school for. Yet, they slab all these meaningless "General Ed" classes on you, instead of giving you a plentiful of art based classes, and then a few classes based on the fundamentals of society curicularized around art. Yet, I obviously need to learn how to write more English, because... The past twelve years of English were obviously not enough. Though, the more I think about it, I think I am more jealous of my girlfriend, because she -does- have this, though at the cost of going to a more expensive school.

    Really, I think the thing that is killing me the most is that i'm pretty depressed and lonely. Why? Because, I have no transportation. You would think that it would be easy to save up for even a dingy little Moped, yet... Working part time has a funny way of making simple things like that almost impossible. Could I afford small shit I want? Yup. However, the second I buy anything for myself, clothes, toys, food... I get the nth degree because "I should be saving up money for a car." Which, makes me roll my eyes, because you figure it's my money. I should be able to do what the hell I want with it. Even though, yes I am saving up for a means of transportation, it isn't really fair that I am not allowed to spend my money the way I want to. It isn't as if I am in the wanting of spending it all in one blow. If I wanted to do that, I could. Toys exists. God do toys exist. It's really that lack of option that bugs me. The, "You can and must" because even though I want to and am, I have no choice in the subject and -have- to save up for transportation. Not to say I dont' want transportation, god knows I do. However, I feel like I should be able to treat myself once in a blue moon without getting the nth degree and some whiplash.

    Really, this is what has been streaming through my head these last couple of months. And in reading this, you probably think of me even worse then I think of myself, and I'm totally fine with that, but... for some reason I have this growing sick obsession with wondering what your thoughts are on this situation, and if anyone can possibly relate. Hell, even though this isn't in the title lets call it "Derp, lets bitch", thread. The unofficial title of this thread, do ho ho.
     
  2. The Dark Seeker

    The Dark Seeker Well-Known Member

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    Wow...that's a long read. Honestly man. You're thinking too much on the negative aspects of your life and it doesn't even seem that you're even bothering to look for or at any positives that may have presented themselves to you. Mainly because in your mind, the negatives are severely outweighing the good in your life....so that's all you may be thinking that you can see. Then again, I don't know you that well so I could be wrong.

    I used to think like that about school. Boring as all hell, making me take these BS classes that have nothing to do with my major or what I want to do. Blah blah blah. Unfortunately, that's how schools work. They want to make sure their graduates are "well educated." Can't get around that.

    Work?....yeah it can suck, but you already have thoughts of getting something better so why not make it happen? Simply put, life is what you make of it. If you want to keep these negative feelings on it, then that's all life will ever be for you. If you're content with that, then a harsher response would be "don't complain about it then." If you're not satisfied with your present situation, then do something to improve it! No one else is going to do it for you.
     
  3. Aernaroth

    Aernaroth <b><font color=blue>I voted for Super_Megatron and Veteran

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    Sounds like you're in a rut. You need something to break your routine. I'd reccommend volunteering somewhere, it'll be great for your self-esteem, help you meet new people, and you'll be able to see some of the positive impact your efforts have.

    Keep at your education. Work hard at it, and if you're not happy in your program, transfer to something else. Not to put pressure on you, but education is going to be the safest bet as what helps you get the fulfilling job you're looking for.

    What about public transit? Is there a bus/metro/streetcar system you can use? How do you get to work? If there's public transit, you can use that so you don't feel so housebound, and if cost is an issue, cut back on your collecting because it seems like it's not making you as happy as you feel you should be.

    Set yourself a budget, for as many things as you can. Work out for yourself exactly how much you want to save for that car, exactly how much you can afford on toys, etc. and stick to it. That way you'll be able to buy at least some of the things you want, all the things you actually need, and you won't have to feel bad about how much you are or aren't saving towards that car.

    It's tough, it's not easy, but you have to keep moving, even (and especially) when it's easier just to say "screw it" and take the easy, more sedentary path. In the words of a former supervisor, "You need to push these things. You know, these things."
     
  4. Deceptikitty

    Deceptikitty all about the hasubandos

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    Yeah, you sound like you're a in rut.

    1. Don't talk about community college like it's terrible. I have 20k+ of student loan after getting a bachelors at a university. To be honest, if I was wiser beforehand, I probably would've gone to community college. You find a specialized area instead of a general topic (or if I DID go to uni again, I'd do a 4 year degree in something more practical like nursing/engineering/etc). Community college isn't for stupid people. It's cheaper, and if you do decide uni will work for you most community college transfer credits anyway. So I wouldn't worry about that. To be honest, I think a lot of your education (unless you're doing something practical) is kind of just fluff. There's also nothing wrong with working fast food. You're working, you have a job, that's awesome. You'll have a chance to move on the future.

    2. Don't worry about the guilt over the girlfriend thing either. I'm pretty sure all of us in a relationship have our depression moments where we feel more like a burden for our partners. I know I have! Because sometimes all you want to do is whine and cry on their shoulder.. but you know what, it's part of a relationship. We do it for each other. We're there for each other, even though the other person may need you a lot more for a certain amount of time.

    3. The transportation issue is a tricky one. You're working to save up, but how is public transport where you live? If it's crappy, how about trying to gather things to sell/save up?

    Chin up, though. I think all of us have been in that kind of funk. At least I know I totally understand!
     
  5. terry981

    terry981 Well-Known Member

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    I came from a community college and then graduated in a University. Now I am going back to school in the same community college. So I am somewhat stuck at the whole "don't know what I am going to do" scenario. I don't have a job right now and certainly I have been single for 2 years now. I look at my chug figures and is ready to sell it if my situation gets worse.

    I found comfort in Jesus Christ and that he gave me a house to live under and family that treats me like family and people who I can talk to. The Negative people, or people that refused to forgive me, i forgive them, but now I am no longer a stepping stone for them and I could care less on what you think of me. And I don't really have a car either, but you can, as deceptikitty put it, use public transport. Sometimes the bus/train is fun, sit back and look at the scenery as you relax.

    Just move on through. Don't let it get to your head so much. I did at one point and I found myself nearly going back on what I just said. Not a good feeling I tell you. Be happy with what you have in your life right now and build one brick at a time. For me, I let God take the wheel and I am happy.
     
  6. Rdfnd1253

    Rdfnd1253 Well-Known Member

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    I have to agree with all the posters here, cheer up and keep truckin' along! I totally feel you pain as I took 2 years off of college(I'm 25 going to be 26 in a month) and restarted college for a different career path, but being I was in a car accident in Nov, I have been disabled and unable to go back to work or school. So i feel like a waste of space as I have yet to accomplish anything, have no degree and feeling old, and the last 2 possible romances ended badly for me.....so as you can tell I have been severely depressed myself. I actually want to go back to work but dread it at the same time. I love my job but don't like anyone I work with other than my superiors. The people I work with are 2 face and talk sh*t about one another, but then go out to lunch or bars with one another and never even ask me. So my life is in the rut right now......but back on topic, cheer up and realize you got some things going for you and need to look at the good. I think that's the only real reason I am not worse off.

    Good Luck dude!
     
  7. TheDemonDzko

    TheDemonDzko °-{[●□●]}-° {Beep. Boop.)

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    Thanks for the kind words guys, and I appreciate everyones readthrough.

    And yeah, as for the dude that said to sell stuff "I am... it blows.", as for my "Toybudget" I don't have one, because I hardly buy anymore. Not that I ever do buy really, because my collection is a collection of one or two here and there...so.

    As for the public transportation... -cringe- Yeah, our bus system is a fucking joke. Sixty five dollars a month for two hours of sitting next to a bunch of assholes, and then a thirty minute waiting period to get off said bus.... Ugh.

    But, yes. I appreciate everyones kind words and advice. It really means alot to me.
     
  8. jorod74

    jorod74 Psycholagnist (Ret.)

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    you are bitching about $65/month?
    i had to pay over $300/month just to go to classes 2 days a week...at a place 7 miles from home.

    you have a job, you have a girlfriend, you have your health.
    at the moment, you are sitting pretty compared to entire families who are scraping money out of couches and jars, as they try to find work.

    stop pitying yourself. you think your life sucks, fix it.

    i tell you what- take my place for a month. and i bet you'd gladly take your shitty life back.

    so, take the gifts god gave you, and feel blessed by the good. you still have a chance to fix the other stuff, so just do it.

    /rant.
     
  9. Predaking

    Predaking Well-Known Member

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    Believe me I have those days where I rant at myself for not finding a better job, not making enough money, not going for kind of education that'll get me a better job, blah blah blah. It's ok to vent really, especially to the online community even if you aren't getting positive or supportive feedbacks because at least you got it off your chest.

    Start mapping out a 6 month, 1 year, and 5 year plan, and work toward that goal. Make sure you plant some milestones along the way so you can see progress.

    If you don't like your GF, don't go out with her. Period. Find a girl who'll support you and empower you.

    Lastly, you are getting education, which will help you in the future.

    As long you got your health and a job (in this awful economy), count your blessings. That is all.
     
  10. Aernaroth

    Aernaroth <b><font color=blue>I voted for Super_Megatron and Veteran

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    Yeah, also I forgot to mention if you aren't happy in your relationship then just leave her and move on with your life. If you're miserable it's probably not much fun for her either.
     
  11. TheDemonDzko

    TheDemonDzko °-{[●□●]}-° {Beep. Boop.)

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    It's funny how I can't dignify I response, because in one aspect it would make it seem as if I am trying to have a shitty life. My life isn't shitty, i'm just exausted, and like to vent every so often. I'm sorry I do it here, but it seems here is my only place where I seem to be able to relate to people, because they themselves have been in my shoes at one point or another.

    Now, yes. Perhaps my issues are "first world', but go figure... America... First world... HOLY SHIT! Do I have it better then some? Yeah, but that doesn't make me feel any better in the least, because I myself am having issues getting by. I just have enough self respect for myself, bitch about the little things so that they don't pile up and overpower me, because really... The little things are just so much easier to bitch/talk/rant about, because they are infact "Little things", I know they will change, and I will move on, just like the last few threads of me bitching. Honestly, I do it so I can get a little bit off my mind, because I would rather be vocal then contain it in.

    Really the only thing killing me is this Lack of Transportation thing. I'm sure once I do acquire some form of motorized vehicle, I will be set and all my problems will go away.

    Also, yeah. I totally -am- bitching about $65 bucks a month, because for how little I make. That is quite a bit of money. Infact, the bulk of my usual paychecks. That leaves the remainder going to my mom, because I like to help out with her gas (especially since she carts to work and school) and food. And, seven miles? Dude, just walk. My work is 15 miles away from my house, and my school is Seven. In a desert mind you. =P Geeze. I mean, not to be all "Man, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Especially in this thread, but... that was a terrible example. Though, you also don't know me/what I do on a daily basis, but... seven miles is nothing for me.

    But, I do see where you are coming from with the whole "People have it worse" scenario, because god yes do they. I eat once a day, and usually it is something decent. I know people that go 2-3 days without eatting, Makes me kinda sad... but Y'know. Myself > Others, until I get my shit together. If that makes any sense?
     
  12. J2DK

    J2DK Fan

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    I take it you mean CSN, right? They took the "community" off the name of the college for a reason. It has become a better place for higher education, especially in recent years. You shouldn't think down about it. Any degree requires general education classes. I had to take general literature classes before entering the nursing program. I'm not a CSN graduate, but I've met plenty who do just fine.

    You can find some cheap cars on the lots and on Craig's list. I bought my first car when I was in college for $500 in 2008. It was a piece of crap, but I drove it for quite a while. It was a 1980 something Toyota Camry.

    I take it you still live with your parents. Yes, it is difficult when your parents expect you to work toward one single goal unwaveringly like saving for a car. You have to try to take things in stride. They are still your parents and you are still living with them. I had to placate my parents until I moved out. You have that to look forward to, really. It might be what can keep you going until you find a more fulfilling job or finish your degree.

    Give yourself short term goals and long term goals, as suggested earlier. Another suggestion is to keep yourself healthy. Eat a nutritious, balanced diet and exercise. If your body isn't happy, it's hard to keep your spirit and mind happy. Also, don't worry too much about church unless you really want to go. Religion isn't for everyone.

    Obviously people always have it worse, but that doesn't make each of our individual situations any better. Hell, Las Vegas has a really high unemployment rate. You can try to be thankful that you have a job at all, but you shouldn't feel bad if you can't feel thankful for a job you don't like. For example, I'm greatful for where my family and I are right now, but it doesn't mean I can't wish I had more money. Try to stick it out and maybe look at what you can do differently to feel more satisfied with your life.

    Good luck!
     
  13. SwindlesShop

    SwindlesShop Kenny Power's drug dealer

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    just dont turn to drugs, or you'll end up overdosing and regretting it and fighting off an addiction for a long time. Learn from my mistake.
     
  14. TheDemonDzko

    TheDemonDzko °-{[●□●]}-° {Beep. Boop.)

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    Nah, Drugs arn't my thing. At the most extreme. I buy a black and Mild wine flavoured... Cause i'm hardcore like that. Haha.

    Nah, it was just one of those nights when I posted that. And wanted to bitch, for the sake of bitching. I'm a pretty happy dude, it's just once in awhile I feel like it is good to explode in a bitchy rant because... I can?

    I'm sure once I get some form of Transportation I probably wont even be -here- for that matter. It's just one of those things that, the less I see people the more I grow annoyed with my life. Especially since, the things I do without people are currently OOO So... and can't get that fixed until I get transportation so... Bleh.

    Also, Yeah as Mr.J said, Hopefully i'll just find something on Craigslist, apparently there are autoauctions that start at 500 so... Mayhaps I'll get there on a good day?
     
  15. daitarn red

    daitarn red bionic hero

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    i see same topics all over again on here
     
  16. tikgnat

    tikgnat Baweepgranaweepninnybong. TFW2005 Supporter

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    And we'll probably continue to see these kinds of threads. Why? Because the general age of the 'fandom' will continue to age, and as people grow up 'life' will start to throw more and more and more and more shit at you.

    Seriously, I'm 33, and last year I had the worst time of it. I had a multitude of problems all at once, and I thought to myself, if I can just get through this, I can cope with anything!

    So now (most of) those problems are gone, but instead I have all new all different problems! This is the sad unfortunate fact of life. If you can't cope with what life is throwing at you now, you better rethink your strategy, because life will continue to get harder and harder.

    BTW, you probably won't see me posting any of my problems up here. Because honestly? I'm just going to soldier on and get on with it.

    To the OP, remember that scene in DOTM when John Malkovitch says to Sam, 'This is the job you need to do to get to the job you want'? Thats actually pretty sound advice. From what you said, the situation you find yourself in is a bed you made yourself, you said it yourself you don't do well at school, if its hard you give up.

    Set a goal, make a plan and get on with it. Take whats good in your life and appreciate them. Take whats wrong with your life and fix it.
     
  17. daitarn red

    daitarn red bionic hero

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    my mom spill tea on my lap top compuer core and etc
     
  18. bumblebot98

    bumblebot98 Banned

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    How are you posting then?......
     
  19. Atlas42

    Atlas42 Banned

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    depressed? welcome to the club, mate. :redface2: 
     
  20. 3.8TransAM

    3.8TransAM 1989 Turbo Trans AM

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    I bet your bulb for your TV didn't blow out 2 days before the Super Bowl so it's all good in your hood man.:thumbs2: 

    This is why I make dumb posts in threads or even complete BS threads.

    They guy posts, wanted to vent so he did, people get all emo on it and the poster even says he had a mood and posted about it end of story lol
     

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