Is it so wrong....

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by RodimusDawg, Sep 1, 2008.

  1. RodimusDawg

    RodimusDawg Well-Known Member

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    *Beware slight rant maybe.* So I have Two very adorable little boys that I absolutely love and cherish. Their mother on the other hand is something of a different matter. But the situation is this as it goes.

    She and I have done the make up to break thing constantly for the last eight years seriously but there has been some really long gaps in between them. We had children oldest just turned 3 and the youngest will be 2 year old on the sixth of this month. But we are currently working on a relationship and there is another guy, suitor, wooer whatever, she knows I'm not very fond of him yet she always has to update me on when they chat or things about his life that I care diddly about.
    She had a church picnic today and he was there (drove 80 miles) spending time with my children and doing things with them that I haven't even done yet like taking them down a slide and putting them on swings. The oldest has never done this he has always been to afraid to do so and the little one is way to young yet. These are supposed to be my milestones with my children not some other guys.

    But she doesn't understand why I'm so angry and upset and thinks its wrong for me to be. So I have to ask is it wrong for me to be upset that she has another guy that I'm not too fond of playing with my children and stealing my moments? Because if I knew she wasn't thrilled about a certain person there is no way in hell I would have them around my/her children.
     
  2. Bumble Prime

    Bumble Prime all the time

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    Take it from me.......... I am a bi product of the jealous father figure in this exact same situation. No matter what you do..... Don't become petty with the whole "my kids with some other guy" thing...

    You are totally justified in feeling that way i suppose. But remember that this guy maybe isnt too keen on doing the whole father thing either, and it is most likely not personal at all.

    My dad was the jealous type and would flip out anytime we would meet one of my mom's bf's or even after she got married if we went somewhere with my stepdad without my mom coming along, He would throw a fit and say it didnt qualify as visitation for my mom or whatever....


    You cant control who she dates, and dont try to drag the kids into that tension. Regardless of if he is really trying to "steal" moments or not...... do all your conversations in private and dont make a public scene. Seen it, a million times, and every time i lost more and more respect for my father.

    So i guess your best bet is to err in favor of just goin with the flow and spend as much time as you can with your kids, but dont obsess over the time lost.
     
  3. llamatron

    llamatron Shut up, Nigel. TFW2005 Supporter

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    She's a bitch.

    EDIT: I say this because you're "working" on a relationship with her but she's still chasing after some other guy? I don't know. Maybe you guys aren't on the same page here.
     
  4. Rumble02

    Rumble02 Radicon of Obliticons

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    im sorry for your situation. but on a side note your sons gonna be two when i turn 25 and that is cool. happy bday to him.
     
  5. RodimusDawg

    RodimusDawg Well-Known Member

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    No it's not that I'm jealous it's the fact that she supposedly has feeling for me so why be around another guy. and if she was dating this guy then yeah I wouldn't give a damn he would be in the picture and I have no control over that. But the ass is just sniffing around and I feel that he is trying to use the kids to get to her good side. She has turned him down once already but doesn't get the hint and i'm trying not to say anything to him or at all about the situation, it's just today that last straw broke my back instead of the camels.


    Yeah we are on the same page alright. She get a little out of hand with it sometimes like an obsession. I feel like I'm dealing with "Old Greg" from the Mighty Boosh (if you dont know what that is Youtube it. Hilarious.)

    Lol sweet that actually made me laugh thanks man.
     
  6. wolfe

    wolfe Well-Known Member

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    Ebay:

    same thoughts.
     
  7. Bryan

    Bryan ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

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    You don't like some dude putting your kids on a slide? Go spend mo' time with 'em.
     
  8. RodimusDawg

    RodimusDawg Well-Known Member

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    Ok I'm not very fond of you SquirrelCar( Not that I have to like you), so I would appreciate it if you would refrain from commenting about my life and my kids from here on out. You don't know anything about me and I'd rather keep it that way. Your sassy comments and little snarky remarks may amuse and entertain others but they aren't needed or welcome here. Yeah I realize I did post it on the internet but I didn't ask for anyone to come in and be a jerk and I'm not seeking pity either.

    I see my kids "almost" everyday for hours and hours at a time but she is a witness and I'm not really invited to her Kingdom Hall functions. So much against my will I can't spend every waking moment with them.
     
  9. PeolesDru

    PeolesDru Well-Known Member

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    Just remember that they're not YOUR moments or HIS moments, but the kids' moments. Our 2.5 year old did #1 AND #2 on the potty at preschool without us there for the first time(s). He has since done #1 around us and it was still quite exciting. Still no #2. Is it weird looking forward to someone shitting? Anyway...

    If you be sure to keep up with your kids and try not to keep score everything can turn out just fine. When we got my kid one of those miniature indoor slides, he spent two weeks being terribly proud of himself for doing it. So even if I had somehow missed his first time, the subsequent events were just as good.

    Just worry about getting YOUR first time seeing your kid go down the slide and don't worry about anyone else's first time.

    Also, either the kid's mom wants to work things out with you - their father - or she doesn't. Hanging around some other dude sounds like it falls in the "doesn't" category. If you guys didn't have kids and you and the other dude were both suitors on equal footing then sure, try to out-woo him. But if she's not interested despite the fact that you're the kids' father, then move on with your life, relationship-wise. You're permanently a father, of course, so see them as much as possible - you'll get plenty of "firsts" that way.
     
  10. Bryan

    Bryan ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

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    Eh. You asked a question...
    ...I answered it. I'm aware I don't know you, but I responded to a question you asked based on the information you provided. The more detail you provide, the more accurate my (and other) responses will be.

    Given the new datum you've given, my upgraded answer is: Yes, you have every right to be upset. But that being said, there's probably nothing you can do about it. Cue the Rolling Stones and roll with it.
     
  11. RodimusDawg

    RodimusDawg Well-Known Member

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    Yes your right, and I must apologize I'm just upset and lashing out like a idiotic blind man and I'm stamping my feet like a little bitch. But your right. I was the one being rude and snarky. I'm sorry man.


    Yeah I gotta remember it's the kids moments , but I'm hurt to my soul that I'm not there from something I felt was a really important time for us as a family. And yes I'm really about to tell her to either s*** or get off the pot.
     
  12. Random Autobot

    Random Autobot Soviet Kanukistani

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    Listen, if there is another man in her life in a romantic way, she isn't exactly trying hard on this "relationship" with you, is she? Sounds to me like she's trying to have her cake and eat it too. Keeping you strung along with hopes of a future together while she tries out this guy, to see if he's going to be a suitable partner and father.

    So, move on from the relationship, and work out a proper custody schedule with her. Stop letting her fuck you about, and focus on being with your kids as much as you can be.
     
  13. Star Sabre James

    Star Sabre James <b>The JUICE</b> TFW2005 Supporter

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    Since I don't know much about the situation, all I can say is spend as much time with your kids as possible. They will remember that as they grow up.
     
  14. Team Jetfire

    Team Jetfire Pop-POP!

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    I really feel bad for your situation.

    It is good to hear that you spend as much time with them as you can. I suppose this is just a reality of what happens when people can't make the relationship work. My advice, make sure you and your baby-mama lay down some ground rules about dating other people. I'm not saying that you can tell her who to date, or vise versa, but as you both have a common bond (kids) you both should be on board with who ever is with your kids.

    That being said, Were you ever Married to this girl, Who has custody of the kids?
     
  15. Darkravager

    Darkravager Zombie Hunter

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    This is by far the best advice I've seen on this board. Ever.
     
  16. Hound_Dawg

    Hound_Dawg Shinki,Braves,TF's Oh my!

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    I agree with PeolesDru.

    Also, and I am speaking from the side of I really don't know you or the "other guy". But he may not know this is the first times for these things and unless is a father already going into what ever relationship he and your ex are in, he may be feeling like he is doing the best he can in a situation he may very well not be comfortable with. i.e. Dating a woman with kids.

    Don't be mad with your kids, which it sounds like you aren't And, really, don't be mad at this guy. The only way I would get angry is if your ex is putting this guy into situations in order to create anger and jealousy. Then I would encourage you to be angry with her. And hopefully the other guy would see what she is doing and get mad too.
     
  17. Chaos Muffin

    Chaos Muffin Misadventure Veteran

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    I dont blame you at all man, the same things bother me as well. It would bother me even more if it was like your situation where she's with another dude. You could get another girlfriend and let her know how it feels, then when she understands where you're coming from, then you all can talk about it.
    Rather you'd get rid of her actually, a girl who juggles 2 guys aint right and it could be confusing to the kids

    I dont like it when my kid does her first things with other people. Even when she went swimming the first time, and I couldnt go, bothered me.
    The good thing is it helps them be a little more sociable & comfortable around older respectable people and that'll come in handy when school comes and they meet their teachers.

    No worries, time is the true test of love, and you and your kids know that you'll be there for them all the way. You'll be the one to be there until the end , not them.
     
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2008
  18. RodimusDawg

    RodimusDawg Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the advice everyone. Confronted her on it and she says he is only a friend but he has admitted to wanting more but she won't have because she "Loves"(sarcasm) me and another thing I would like to mention is that he called her the day before the this picnic fandango while I was there and she tried to hide it from me so yeah my bullshit detetor went off and it ususally always right with I've known her for eight years now.

    And the way I know it's him on the phone I will ask who was it casually without looking up from what I was doing or playing with the kids and she will say "Oh a friend", But she will always tell me if it someone else I've also called her on this but she hasn't caught on to my trickery which now that I think about is kinda sad when I've revealed the tactic behind it numerous times. So it's as plain as day that he didn't show up by sheer coincidence and drove 80miles from Madison,WI on a whim.

    I'm just really getting tired of the bullshit and I've already started to distance myself from her. No more kisses, hug, or cuddling on the couch. I can still have a family with just my children and I lost sight of that. If she does care about me the this is a really hebetudinous way of showing it. But alas I will heed the words of Parliament/Funkadelic "Free yo mind, and your ass will surely follow!!!"
     
  19. Poho

    Poho That's MISTER Poho to you

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    i agree as well. hebetudinous and pedantic.

    but seriously folks... i dunno what to tell you that hasn't already been said man. best of luck.
     

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