Where Uwe Bowle directed the first Transformers movie... and was still kept on for two sequels. What would the movies be about? How different would they be?
It would have random cuts to clips of the G1 show! It would be a masterpiece! (sarcasm is wonderfull...)
Three "Funny Version" alternate cuts. All filled with more Twins, wrecking balls, leaking lubricant, Dick von Blenderbot, Jerry Wang, bot-on-leg action and pantsless John Turturro ass-shots than ever before.
Imagine a movie. The most terrifying movie you can, and then imagine that you and you alone have the director chair. But if your ultimate goal is power, how best to use such movie? It is at this point in our story that along comes a spider. He is a man seemingly without a conscience; for whom the ends always justify the means and it is he who suggests that their target should not be the fandom's tastes but rather the fandom itself. Three targets are chosen to maximize the effect of the attack: The plot, the acting, and the special effects. Several hundred of fans die within the first few weeks. Until at last the true goal comes into view. Before the the movie's crisis, no one would have predicted the outcome of the Hall of Fame elections. No one. But after the election, lo and behold, a miracle. Some believed that it was the work of Primus himself, but it was a toymaking company controlled by certain Hasbro executives made them all obscenely rich. But the true genius of the plan was the money. A year later, Uwe Boll is tried, found guilty, and executed while a memorial is built to canonize his victims. Money became the ultimate tool of this franchise. And through it our executive was ultimately appointed to the newly created position of High Executive. The rest, as they say, is history. [+2 internet points for who get the reference].
I don't know why, but when I read the title the first thing that came to my mind was the "I had a vision of a world without the Batman..." speech from The Joker in The Dark Knight.
I'm not exactly sure on the story (though it'd probably be ten times more stupid and awful than what any of the haters think of Bay's films), but if word got out that another director or someone else kind of big in Hollywood thought Boll's TF films were dumb, he'd challenge the critic to a boxing match or some idiocy like that.
Megan Fox would of had a heavy sex scene to distract from the terrible movie. And Grimlock would have a Giant JP tattoo'd on his T-rex thigh.
Steven Sepilberg, Peter Jackson, James Cameron and Brad Bird all Colaberated and made the best damn Transformers film ever made.
If Uwe Boll directed the film there'd be a lot of "unique" camera perspectives, a ton of shots cribbed from other movies, far inferior special effects, and a story even more meandering and schizophrenic than the lowest point of anything we've seen so far. But the budget would be way smaller, and Uwe would have to spend most of his time literally boxing people who criticize his films.
