Im working on my first book.

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Pepsiman98, Mar 28, 2009.

  1. Pepsiman98

    Pepsiman98 Consulting Criminal

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2008
    Posts:
    872
    Trophy Points:
    101
    Likes:
    +0
    well, ive decided to spend the next few months working on a book i'm writing and i wanted everyone's thoughts on this. its the first in a 4 part series. its a kinda a kids book but im trying to make it a little dark too. (you know how kids are with buying stuff these days.) It's about these 3 dogs that have lived peacefully in a place they call The Valley for the past 13 (dog) years with all the rest of the dogs that live there. When a dark force threatens to tear appart The Valley for good, They relize that they may be the only ones who can stop it. here's a preview of it!
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    “I'm almost there, I can make it.” He could clearly hear the shouts and cries of dogs up ahead. Can this not get any worse? When he made it over the hill he could finally see the battle that was unfolding. It was a truly dreadful sight, all these dogs fighting each other, teeth bared in attack, and worst of all, the stench of blood reeked above everything else. How much more of this can we take? His thought was interrupted as a huge Doberman flung himself at him with full force, making a deep gash in his side. I don't know if I can make it. He looked over his shoulder he saw that the Doberman was coming back, with its teeth bared and running at him at full speed. As it made another attack, he yelped in pain when the dog bit into his leg.
    Immediately the dog sleeping next to him woke with a start, and hit his head on the roof of the cave. “Ow, whats the big idea?!” “Sorry Matt.” Hiro quickly apologized to his friend. “Be quiet before you wake everyone up!” snapped Alexis, Matt's younger sister. The three of them walked out of their den and breathed in the fresh spring air. It was a beautiful day, the cherry blossoms just blooming.“We better go get some food. I'm starving!” Matt complained. “You're always hungry, aren't you?” Hiro joked. So they headed out of the cave and into the woodland that surrounded them. With a few birds chirping overhead, and some squirrels and rabbits rustling the bushes ahead of them, they would have a good hunt. I wonder what that dream meant? Hiro thought quietly to himself. “Hey! Come look at this!” Matt suddenly shouted. They quickly ran to what Matt was staring at. Their pawsteps thudding against the forest floor. “Alexis wait!” Matt quickly shouted at his sister. She cried out in alarm as she nearly fell over the edge of a huge ditch. “Let's go around it for now.” Hiro suggested. The ditch was apparently the result of a small pothole that had formed overnight. It was about ten feet deep, enough to break a dogs leg if they fell over the edge by accident. As they were walking around the ditch, Hiro picked up an unfamiliar scent in the woods. “You coming?” His friend shouted.” “Yeah, I'm coming.” Hiro said as he ran to catch up with his friends. “We ought to warn the others about this when we get back.” He picked up the scent of a rabbit near by, and he snuck over to where it was hiding. It had to be the fattest rabbit he had seen all spring. All I have to do is sneak up and... His thoughts were interrupted as there was a loud crashing in the bushes in front of him and Matt came dashing at full speed right out at the rabbit. Startled, the rabbit ran straight into Hiro and he dispatched it with one quick blow to the neck. “You almost made me lose it!”
    “Sorry. But at least we caught it.” Matt stated. “What are you two doing now?” Alexis asked as she came out of the bushes behind them. “We caught a rabbit, want some?” Hiro offered. She nodded her head and the three of happily finished off the rabbit. “Well, I've had enough for this morning, let's go home.” Matt said. “Good idea.” Hiro agreed. They started walking through the woods on their way home, but a loud crashing was heard behind them. “Thats too big to be a rabbit.” Alexis stated fearfully. All of a sudden Hiro was bowled over by a giant dog. It wasn't a normal dog, it was black-purple all over, and it had no pupils in its eyes. It had dark energy radiating off of it, feeling of pure evil. “What the heck is that thing?!” Hiro heatedly asked, as he narrowly dodged another blow form the beast. “I don't know, but I do know that we're dead if we don't get out of here!” Matt exclaimed. As he said this the creature created a gash on Hiro's side. “Hiro!” Alexis exclaimed. “I'm fine. You guy's get out of here now!” “But-” before she could finish the creature aimed another blow at Hiro, just barely missing him. Then it rammed him straight into a nearby tree.
    He yelped in pain as the hard trunk hit his side. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears. All of a sudden his senses sharpened, he shoved the dog off with strength that wasn't his own. Then, he ran at it with his teeth bared, and hit it as hard as a landslide and bit into its side. Instantly the dog vanished with a long moan in a wisp of black smoke. Hiro fainted from exhaustion, to tired to walk another step.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    haven't thought of a name for the series yet. thats where i mainly need help.
     
  2. NemesisBruticus

    NemesisBruticus Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2007
    Posts:
    2,719
    Trophy Points:
    151
    Likes:
    +0
    [​IMG]
    That book youve been working on for three years?
     
  3. Pepsiman98

    Pepsiman98 Consulting Criminal

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2008
    Posts:
    872
    Trophy Points:
    101
    Likes:
    +0
    no, i started it today.
     
  4. NemesisBruticus

    NemesisBruticus Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2007
    Posts:
    2,719
    Trophy Points:
    151
    Likes:
    +0
    Its a family guy reference.
     
  5. Lance Halberd

    Lance Halberd oh hai

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2003
    Posts:
    5,780
    News Credits:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    211
    Likes:
    +3
    How much of a critique are you looking for? Have you done any creative writing before?
     
  6. Pepsiman98

    Pepsiman98 Consulting Criminal

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2008
    Posts:
    872
    Trophy Points:
    101
    Likes:
    +0
    i think ill just let the story flow and surprise me for now. ive done a little bit of creative writing, not much though. but ive read at least a million books (including all 7 Harry Potters) so i have an idea of what im trying to do. anybody have any ideas of what i can call my series?
     
  7. Hound_Dawg

    Hound_Dawg Shinki,Braves,TF's Oh my!

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2004
    Posts:
    847
    Trophy Points:
    136
    Likes:
    +0
    Good luck, I hope the writing process is easy for you, and that you can even get published. :D 
     
  8. NemesisBruticus

    NemesisBruticus Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2007
    Posts:
    2,719
    Trophy Points:
    151
    Likes:
    +0
    A book doesnt have to be good to be published, look at twilight.
     
  9. Chaos Muffin

    Chaos Muffin Misadventure Veteran

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2004
    Posts:
    28,751
    Trophy Points:
    322
    Likes:
    +4
    The story is pretty good and hope you get somewhere with it.

    My main crit is it moves a little fast and things skip around so quickly It's a little hard to feel myself in their shoes. Like it was written in a hurry.
    Could be a little more descriptive with the places as well, where each scene has it's own atmosphere and maybe some interresting info about certain surrounding landscapes or objects .

    Is this how it starts? Am wondering where the dark force came from, the danger it can create and why it's doing it. So when Im relating myself with the characters, I'll feel scared for them.
    Also want to get to know these people first, and maybe relate to them before they go off into danger.


    Otherwise it's pretty cool , but thinking of a name is kinda hard now since we can't see the whole scope, or moral of the journey. Maybe Hiro's War or something (except the war could be the one within himself during hus struggles)
     
  10. CrackerBoy

    CrackerBoy Señor Member TFW2005 Supporter

    Joined:
    May 31, 2005
    Posts:
    1,387
    Trophy Points:
    206
    Likes:
    +0
    or be good to be made into a movie.
     
  11. Omegatron

    Omegatron Mandatory Fun. Buy it now TFW2005 Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2004
    Posts:
    8,092
    News Credits:
    10
    Trophy Points:
    262
    Likes:
    +11
    Ebay:
    "The Dogs of War" is a decent starter title. Not too horrible of a start. If you're interested in writing fiction, pick up Stephen King's "On Writing." Even though King's not everyone's cup of tea, he does know how to spin a yarn, and has quite a bit of helpful advice.
     
  12. Hound_Dawg

    Hound_Dawg Shinki,Braves,TF's Oh my!

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2004
    Posts:
    847
    Trophy Points:
    136
    Likes:
    +0
    I.......can't. Twilight hurts my eyes.
     
  13. Pepsiman98

    Pepsiman98 Consulting Criminal

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2008
    Posts:
    872
    Trophy Points:
    101
    Likes:
    +0
    i did think i should have slowed it a little bit when i was typing. and as for where the dark force came from, its a little bit of a mystery to me right now too.:eek:  you'll find out why its doing what it does when this thing gets published. (if it gets published at all.)i also felt i needed to introduce the dogs first after reading it on here for the 10th time. ill rewrite a little bit, then you guys let me know what you think!:D 
     
  14. Galaxy Convoy

    Galaxy Convoy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2003
    Posts:
    8,350
    Trophy Points:
    226
    Likes:
    +0
    I've done some writing myself and the best piece of advice I can give is to take your time with it. There's no need to rush it and try and crank out several chapters in one day. Take your time with it and get a good story flow going. Because inevitably you'll look back on it later on and second guess yourself.

    I still look back at my earliest work done years ago and I can't help but shake my head at how rough I was and how much better it could've been.
     
  15. Drake

    Drake Smooth Is Smooth Baby

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2002
    Posts:
    11,205
    Trophy Points:
    236
    Likes:
    +0
    I'm working on a book as well. Working on character backgrounds now.
     

Share This Page