If I say I love you, will you run away?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Strikeback, Jun 13, 2008.

  1. Strikeback

    Strikeback Drifting Away

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    *sigh*

    Been sitting on this for a while, wondering if I should bring it here, but I feel like I really should let it out or my head will pop.

    Have you ever been in a situation where you've ever loved someone, but were unable to tell them because you didn't know how they would react? Or have you ever been in love with someone that others deemed "unattainable" because they were above you? Well, that's two strikes against me I guess.

    I known this person for quite some time--we worked together for close to 4 years at the same bookstore, but it wasn't until after she left that I began to feel something for her. See, in the last couple years she worked there, her and I began to talk and I felt like we connected. It wasn't like we had a bunch of the same interests or stuff like that, but you know how it feels when you're talking to someone and all of a sudden you feel like you can tell them just about anything? That was what happened.

    Well, she left to pursue her degree while I stayed behind at the bookstore (I already have a degree but was "in transition" at the time). We talked on and off for the better part of the year after she left, but around the 4th she didn't return any of my calls. I figured that I had worn out my welcome and that was that. Fast-forward to October of last year. "Nightmare Before Christmas" had come out in 3D--one of her favorite movies. I found myself thinking about this and decided to take a chance and call her up. To my surprise, she agreed and we took her daughter to see the movie. Thus began the renewal of one of my most treasured friendships.

    Now, about a year ago was when all this started. It started as just something I thought I could pass but I began to pick up on little things that made me scratch my head a little. Little gestures, voice messages, stuff like that--it wasn't blatant or anything, but sometimes I'd catch her staring with this little smile on her face before she turned away. I know this is her personality, very joyful and soulful, but to me those seemed a bit more... planned, if you know what I mean.

    Now for the monkey wrench. She's been divorce--from what I've been told, the dad loves his daughter but refuses to help her out--and currently has a boyfriend, but the thing is she's dumped him before because he's stopped just short of saying, "We could have a better life if you didn't have a kid." He's asked her to drop everything and just travel the globe with him and leave her daughter behind, but she's told him no over and over. Now, for some reason even she doesn't want to say, they've been back together for 4 months. He's leaving for South America to do social work or something like that down there in September, and he's told her in no uncertain terms, "I won't wait for you while I'm down there, but I want you to wait for me." She's pretty much had it with him, but they're still together and I get the feeling that she will end up waiting for him. On top of that, so many of her coworkers propositioned her--some not too subtley--the entire time she worked there, and one manager in particular took it upon himself to try and turn the entire store against her when she threatened to reveal his (unsolicited) racy texts to his girlfriend. As a result, she has a reputation that's completely untrue because of him. She still has many friends there, but the backlash he put out there still hangs over just about everyone.

    Now, for monkey wrench #2--myself. As long as I've had these feelings, this little voice just creeps up in the back of my head and keeps telling me that I don't deserve to even have her as a friend much less something more. I'm about 10 pounds overweight, make $9.25/hr, had to move back home and I haven't done anything with my degree. She's gorgeous, the type who wears skirts and open-toed heels in the summer, and has one of the most beautiful personalities I've ever met. She's currently a nurse in her first year and pursuing her dream. She's also 5 years older than me, but that doesn't bother me in the least. I've started exercising and looking at options for my criminology degree but then everytime I start getting some leeway (in my own mind at least) I feel that doubt creep in and down I come crashing. I had another relationship with a girl that was closer to my age, but I fucked that one up badly and I will take responsibility for that. But the aftermath, the little games we ended up playing on each other and the fallout from it, made me "gunshy" in this situation because I don't want another friendship bottoming out over something like this.

    I love having her as a friend, but I know I could never live with myself if I never asked her. I also couldn't stand the thought of losing her as a friend if this goes sideways on me. I'm sorry if I sound emo or something, but that's where I stand right now--too afraid to ask, too afraid of the consequences. But there are so many things that just feel right between us--I mean, Optimus Prime was her first crush for crying out loud (this is 100% true, btw)! I know her pretty well and she thinks I'm one of the greatest friends she's ever had, but like I said I could never live with myself if I never asked her. I also don't want her thinking I'm just like everyone else at the bookstore, but I can swear before God and whoever listens that what I'm feeling isn't just sexual--I feel like this is someone who I could comfortably spend a life with if they'll let me. I have no problem with her having a daughter and I would like to meet her friends, but because of her new schedule we don't get to meet up as often as before.

    I'm sorry to bring my troubles to this place, but like I said--I really felt I needed to say this somewhere before I burst. I just wish I could suck it all up and tell her here and now, but I don't want to scare off a great friend like her in one quick statement.

    So, pray for me, give me advice, do whatever you want with this thread, I've finally said my peace. But please, just hope I come out on the other side in better spirits than I am now.

    Thanks.
     
  2. FreshDebesh

    FreshDebesh <b><font color=brickred>oye chak de phatte!</font> Veteran

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    One thing I learned, is you don't wanna play the what if game. If you don't do something about it, its gonna get awkward as time goes and you might lose her anyways. If you guys really are good friends, it will stand this test, regardless of how she feels about you. If she gets weirded out and leaves, then you'll be better for it in the long run. Why be friends with a deserter? Good luck.
     
  3. CrypticIllusionist

    CrypticIllusionist Well-Known Member

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    My sentiments exactly. I've been there and living with the regret is far worse than being shot down.

    And, sorry for this, but the thread title just makes me have to bring up this line from Futurama: "If I said you had a nice body, would you take off your pants and dance around a little?"
     
  4. Wing alpha

    Wing alpha <b><font color=blue>I voted for Super_Megatron and

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    a long time ago something happened that still sadden me because I couldnt do anything and half the time I kept thinking if I could have done something about it... case in point I blamed myself for a long time, after that phase I learned a motto for me about ifs.

    "People have enough demons on their own an "what if" is probably the most troublesome and the one, and I don't wanna live Adding more demons into my life, I have enough as it is"

    although probably one of the reasons people call me reckless about this matters anyway.
     
  5. EvaUnit13

    EvaUnit13 REBUILD

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    I've lived like this for a few years now, and I like someone now but she's going to a different school next year and probably won't see her again. I'm her friend on Facebook(add me - Michael Suguitan) and probably talk to her the most, but I don't want to tell her how I feel since I think that she'll reject me and won't talk to me anymore. Ugh, I hate this
     
  6. Prowl_Delta_31

    Prowl_Delta_31 Eating your donuts

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    I'm gonna tell you what I tell everyone that has these problems................Living life with major regrets that always leave you thinking "What If" is alot worse than not seizing the day and living for the moment. A famous man once said "As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do.". I live by those words and they never let me down.
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2008
  7. Erector

    Erector I ruined the Hall of Fame

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    This.
    Do it dude!
     
  8. Easterling Capt

    Easterling Capt I am Vern Schillinger

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    go for it.
     
  9. Harbinger

    Harbinger ecnayonnA

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    sigh, thought you meant me when i read your thread title. sigh. anyways. i too have had a similar situation. true after how i dealt with it left me and her still friends but abit more distant i dont have any regrets about it. cos when it comes down to it, do you want this to be a regret?

    if you dont want this to be a regret i would tell her how you feel. the only bad news i can tell you is form reading your long post i get the impression she only considered you a close friend and may never have considered you dating material.

    so yes change this perception of you and tell her or keep on waiting this out and have it probably turn into a huge regret or a long drawn out sitcom like "how i meet your mother"
     
  10. Synical

    Synical Well-Known Member

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    Strikeback, I'd like you to take a look at this thread I started over a year and a half ago:

    http://www.tfw2005.com/boards/showthread.php?t=117983

    Go ahead, give it a read...all done? Now, wanna hear how it all turned out?

    Two months after that thread the day was set when I was going to tell her how I felt. I started a little "bet" with the brother and a close friend that I would either ask her out by a certain date, or they could kick me in the nuts (not a real bet, just basically an incentive for me to move my ass and tell her) A week before that day came, I saw my close friend and her acting a little more chummy than usual, but made myself believe it was all in my head.

    Then two days before "the day" came, she told me she had something important to tell me later on. Taking a guess what was coming, I approached him where he admitted that he and she were interested in each other. Now, he had sworn to me long ago that he knew how much I liked her and and would never ask her out as to not destroy the friendship or cause a bunch of drama, but the second he found out she was interested in him, guess what? Friendship goes out the door. This lead a big altercation, in which I revealed my feelings to her.........

    Now here I am a year and a half later. I ultimately quit my job just to get the fuck away from them (oh yeah, we all worked together, left that out) After some very harsh words from my end, my friend and I are no longer so. I haven't seen or heard from him since then because, well, I told him very bad things would happen if I ever did. Do I miss him? No, he's an asshole.

    The girl though, I do miss her. After everything was said and done, we talked and tried to just forget the whole thing happened, but come on, who were we fooling? We stopped hanging out because of awkwardness and well, because she was going out with "him" all the damn time. Then the phone calls ceased, and steadily, the online messages slowed to a crawl. I haven't seen or heard from her in any way in over a year. I tried messaging her a few times, just friendly how-do-you-dos and whatnot, but she never responded.

    Her brother and I were best friends, and I was good friends with a lot of his friends as well. I never get to see them anymore though, cause hey, I left the group, got a job away from them, and despite my efforts "he" basically just took my place. He got my friends, he got my job, and, of course, he got the girl...oh, and he's an asshole, did I mention that?

    So, you if you do this, you had better make damn well sure that you're willing to handle the consequences if they turn out negative. Everyone on here will tell you that it's better to go for it and miss than to have the regret of never trying, but let me tell you, I miss my friends, I miss her, and I wish I never would have said a damn thing to her or anyone else about my feelings. It ended up changing my life drastically, just that one little event.

    Either way you decide to go, I wish you luck.
     
  11. Blunticon

    Blunticon The Oddjob

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    Nobody is ever above you.
     
  12. Prowl_Delta_31

    Prowl_Delta_31 Eating your donuts

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    Nice story and sorry for what happened to you but dude you got fucked by your friend not yourself. I dont think this pertains to anything he is saying in my opinion.
     
  13. llamatron

    llamatron Shut up, Nigel. TFW2005 Supporter

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    Oh, sometimes they are...

    bow-chika-wow-wow...


    ON TOPIC: Go for it dude, but be prepared to say goodbye if it goes really really bad. Sucks for a while, but there's plenty more even if it never seems that way.
     
  14. Bryan

    Bryan ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

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    I don't accept this. I'm better than some people, and that makes me above them. And I should be.

    It's not an entitlement thing or pride, it's just a statement of fact based on empirical evidence.
     
  15. Dragonclaw

    Dragonclaw Comic Ink - Dublin, CA

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    No guts, no glory man! You like her and you'll never know the "what ifs" unless you take a shot :) 
     
  16. llamatron

    llamatron Shut up, Nigel. TFW2005 Supporter

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    Oh man have you been comparing penis sizes again!!?!?

    Yeah, your statement is somewhat true.
     
  17. Kickback

    Kickback Proud father Administrator Super Mod News Staff

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    Just give it a shot dude. After someone I grew super super close to moved away, I was totally depressed and stuck in a rut for like a week. I lost my best friend and something a little more. My friends tried getting me out of the rut, and it worked a bit, but it was still very lonely. Fast forward to today and I got quite the attractive girl occupying most of my time. Everyday we grow closer and closer and we're always on each others' minds. Who knows where it's going to go, it came out of nowhere but I love it. The catch? She has a boyfriend who lives a few states away. But you wouldn't know it ;) 
     
  18. Blunticon

    Blunticon The Oddjob

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    To me that's very weak minded. Nobody is better than anybody. We may be better at performing tasks or better at something than somebody, but how can anybody be better than anybody?
     
  19. Kickback

    Kickback Proud father Administrator Super Mod News Staff

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    It's more how do you rate being better than someone.

    Obviously I feel I am a better person than the kids that can't cope with depression so they go shoot up their schools. Or the people that strap bombs to the chests of women and children in the Middle East and have them blow up various buildings as they're too cowardly to fight the fight themselves. Or any rapist.

    But if you want to try and tell me that a guy who breaks in to an apartment, forcefully holds down a woman, and violates her against her will is better than me, more power to you.
     
  20. Dark_Convoy

    Dark_Convoy Old Bastard Veteran

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    This is the truth.
     

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