How do I tell the insane neighbor to F.O. in a nice way?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by MegaMoonMan, Apr 28, 2009.

  1. MegaMoonMan

    MegaMoonMan www.megamoonman.com TFW2005 Supporter

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    So the wife and I bought a house last fall. Nice neighborhood, cool neighbors - except for one. A few houses down lives a guy who I think most people would refer to as "batshit crazy". A few fun facts about him:

    1. He's bi and lets everyone know it, but he's been enjoying the men as of late. Also lets you know THAT.

    2. He looks like a little Grizzly Adams with a baseball cap.

    3. He thinks he's an energy vampire - but the kind that only works over the internet. He sucks people's energy OVER THE INTERNET.

    4. He walks up and down the street all day and strikes up a conversation with anyone that happens to cross his path. Strange, awkward conversations and questions about who they are, where they live, how their socks are the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, etc.

    5. He's apparently drinking vodka during his walks, regardless of the time of day.

    6. Everything he tells you is apparently a secret, regardless of how meaningless it is. For instance, a few weeks ago I was chipping ice off the sidewalk and he came wandering by. He came up to me and we had one of those awkward conversations, during which he told me in a whisper "It's going to warm up this week". Weeks before THAT, he let me in on the big secret of which day they come pick up the garbage. I didn't know it was a secret until then.

    7. He keeps telling my wife she looks like Mary Magdalene. He also mentions how bi he is. If she has a friend with her, he makes SURE to mention how bi he is but how he's been thinking about having a three-way with two women lately.

    8. We made the mistake of letting the guy into our house during a party awhile back - he kept going on and on about how wonderful and beautiful the bedroom door looked (the bedroom door is just like the other doors in the house, but it's missing a decorative panel on the bottom that left a big square of black glue. It's ugly as sin). He used the word "Seussian".

    Just the other day, he came up to me and asked if I would come over and fix his computer (the same one he talks about watching loads of gay porn on all the time and apparently gets all vampire-y on). He said something along the lines that if I did, he would repay me with "services rendered" with a creepy grin. Needless to say, DO NOT WANT.

    Hence my problem - he's a fairly nice guy and has a pleasant demeanor (when he's not freaking you out), but there's no way in hell I'm going over to his house for anything, and frankly wish he would bugger off completely. How can I avoid him or tell him to bugger off without making him even more insane?
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2009
  2. Dusty

    Dusty Well-Known Member

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    Sell the house and move, dude.....that's a rapin' in the makin'.
     
  3. Predaking

    Predaking Well-Known Member

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    There's really no polite way to go about it. You can just make up whatever excuse you can think of to shoot him away (or keeps him from getting into your house again) or just tell him he's freaking you out and to stay the hell away.
     
  4. Wreckgar

    Wreckgar Anthony Stark Veteran

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    Say, "No offense but fuck off." And when he questions your attitude, you tell him, "I said no offense"
     
  5. thenatureboywoo

    thenatureboywoo Veteran

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    Tell him to stay the fuck away. He'll get the point in a hurry. No point beating around the bush, and letting him on that it might be still cool to chat.
     
  6. Erector

    Erector I ruined the Hall of Fame

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    A horse's head. With a gift tag saying "love from Megamoonman". Or even better, your real name.
     
  7. Baccala1976

    Baccala1976 Well-Known Member

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    Predaking is right, there is no polite way of saying it so just tell him to fuck off dude. I'm from NY so we do that often here.
     
  8. Wreckie

    Wreckie Holder of the Discomatrix

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    Avoid him like he's a William Shatner poetry festival.
     
  9. TheIncredibleHulk

    TheIncredibleHulk Find Gary Busey!

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    Has he told you lately that you have a "purdy mouth"? :lol 
     
  10. grimlock1972

    grimlock1972 "No Mas" My Wallet

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    not sure you can do it nicely , id say either sell your house ( if you own it) and get the hell out, or if you like the area where you live other than this guy, put up as big of a privacy fence as your local laws allow, and a nice big water fountain to drown out his 'ahem' unpleasant noises and make sure both you and your wife carry mace/pepper spray and threaten the guy with a restraining order, that should hopefully give the guy a clue, but bottom line if the guy isn't showing any signs of leaving you will have to move to truely be rid of him
     
  11. Optimus Sledge

    Optimus Sledge Yar har fiddle di dee

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    You're pretty much stuck with telling him to fuck off, unless you want to do some sort of insanely convoluted plan. I guess there is a midway point of asking him to tone down the weirdness, but that's probably going to lead to one of you saying fuck off.
     
  12. Foster

    Foster Super Mod

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    What did you expect, buying a house in Loring Park?
     
  13. samtheman

    samtheman Well-Known Member

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    This seems like pretty sound advice. Also get a large dog.
     
  14. Lumpy

    Lumpy Taylor Swift Actionmaster Super Mod

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    did you mean shoo him away? cuz shooting him away would probably put MMM in the big house...then he'd be staring the in gay porn...

    and, if its really making you uncomfortable, tell him...just say you aren't interested in him, no matter what...you like the V...tell him there's no chance, maybe he'll back off...

    and if that doesnt work...just give in, do it with him, but be REAL bad at it...then he won't come back for more...
     
  15. MegaMoonMan

    MegaMoonMan www.megamoonman.com TFW2005 Supporter

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    I'm not in Loring park - I live near the Hiawatha golf course.

    As for all those saying "just move" - not an option, and not needed. The guy is annoying at worst and almost normal at times, but when he gets a few drinks in him the crazy really comes out. I can't really tell him to straight-up fuck off - that's not exactly neighborly or good for relations. He doesn't have a dangerous vibe, just a creepy annoying one. He's obviously flaming gay - not exactly a threatening guy (which makes his drunken half-ass passes at my wife and her friends practically comical).

    I DO think a devious plan is needed - maybe make him think I'm even crazier than he is so he steers clear.
     
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2009
  16. Darkwing48

    Darkwing48 Heroic Decepticon

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    Start ignoring him, He'll get the hints
     
  17. FreshDebesh

    FreshDebesh <b><font color=brickred>oye chak de phatte!</font> Veteran

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    What about pretending to hate on bi's. Maybe he'll think you're narrow minded and go away?
     
  18. Darkravager

    Darkravager Zombie Hunter

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    Fire. Fire could solve this problem quite well I think.
     
  19. Optimus Sledge

    Optimus Sledge Yar har fiddle di dee

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    Isn't the danger then of appearing crazy to all your other neighbours?
     
  20. NIDARAM12

    NIDARAM12 Robot art guy

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    Just find an excuse to call the cops
     

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