I slip laxitives into your drink and have Skullcruncher retrieve the shard from the sewers.

 

I send in The Tick to distract Skullcruncher while I retrieve the shard.

I then take the shard and, traveling back in time, and throw it into the pit where all the unsold E.T. cartridges were burried forever before it gets sealed. And then the pit is sealed.

 

Vector Priem worm-holes his way in, picks up the shard and gives it to What, What hands it to I don't know, I don't know gives it to BW Inferno who puts it in an unconvincing CGI tree and puts that tree in another tree and wraps it bacon 'cuz that's smart.

 

I chop the tree open then give the shard to the Stig who drives off with it in his favorite car.

 

I blow up Stig and his car and steal the shard. I open up a time portal and travel to the beginning of time. I leave the shard there, travel back to the present through the same time portal, close the portal and become a time lord, for some reason.

 

I fetch Primus to get the shard [since he was present at the beginning of time] and then use his children Vector Prime to send it through time directly into my hands.

Then I throw it inside Movie-verse Optimus Primes' spark.

Try to get without losing your face. I dare you.

 

I use my time lord powers to age Optimus Prime by about 100 billion years, which causes him to break down and die. I then take the shard and get in a tardis.

 

A Dalek intercepts the tardis and steal the shard. The shard causes the Dalek to become OCTUS!

 

I go back in time and save Davros just after the Doctor leaves, get him to build a new Dalek army which purges the abomination Octus then exterminates the ugly new Dalek paradigm. The shard is now in the possession of Davros and a new army of Daleks more similar to the old design.

 

I team up with the 9th, 10th, and 11th Doctors, each use their TARDIS to distract the Daleks while Me and Jack Harkness steal the shard back and hide it in the Torchwoood Hub, pre Children of Earth.

 

I think this experiment has failed. The damn shard was obliterated in the core of a black hole, A F*** ING COSMIC SINGULARLY, Chuck Norris is still made of matter and energy, he stands no chance at doing shite, and the very sub-atomic structures of the shard has been dispersed. So even if he did go inside the damned thing, there's nothing for him to get!

 

Really hard to argue with that.

SCIENCE!

 

Don't try to bring science into Transformers, man.

We have "robot heaven" and black hole powered fusion cannons.

Anyway, I use Godzilla to destroy the base, then I dig out the shard from the rubble and seal it into the Negative Zone.

 

I would kidnap a smart transformer, hold his friend hostage, and make him build me a portal to the negative zone. I would take the shard, but he would double cross me. He traps me in the negative zone, destroys the portal, and kills himself. I'm trapped with no way out. There's no way in either.

 

Teams up with The Doctor, who finds a way into the Negative Zone, steals the shard, and hops back to Earth.

 

*shoots DecepticonSpike*

I take the shard from his cold, dead hands, and then I magically encode it so that the only way to get it back is to listen to a special CD which contains the worst remix of "Friday" the world has ever known. And the only way to get the shard back is to listen to the WHOLE song. Twice. Nobody has ever surived that.

 

I coax Dran0n, a Rebecca fan, into getting the shard for me. then I hide it in his room.

GOOD LUCK.

 

I, being friendzoned into oblivion, go get the shard and hide it in my room for GFH.

 

I blow up Dran0ns house and shove the shard up Rosie O Donnels ass.

 

I'm out, bro.