Feeling very miserable right about now...

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Lock Cade, Jun 13, 2008.

  1. Lock Cade

    Lock Cade Tarn Fangirl TFW2005 Supporter

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    Guys and gals, I am sorry to have to use this board to vent, but... I really need some guidance right about now.

    I've been feeling absolutely miserable. I live with my parents on a family farm, I've done so much to help them out, and lately all what my dad does is just yell at me for not doing anything. WTF?!

    Look, here's what I practically do on the farm: in the morning, I get up to feed 10 stupid, loudmouthed calves... practically feeding them all by myself, nobody bothers helping me out. Then, I have to feed a dozen or so cattle, and then make sure that all the cows and sheep have plenty enough water. That's my morning routine, then I have to do the same thing again in the afternoon. Plus, we got three lambs that we have to feed on the bottle, and I got to feed them at noon, and occasionally in the afternoon and evening when Dad wants to get as much fieldwork done as he can.

    Then, I end up having to do things around the house, because she works two jobs to make ends meet. So I'm doing the laundry, the dishes, occasionally having to clean house, and put dinner on the table. I'm trying to balance my farm chores and household chores alongside my trying to work on rewriting a story I want to get published, plus when I'm attending classes at college. You know how tiring that can get, practically trying to do your own stuff while having to do so many chores for others? You'd be lucky to be able to sit down for an hour to watch TV, or get a day to go hang out with friends.

    Look, I want to move off the farm badly. But here's my problem: I have no job, and therefore no money to be able to afford to rent an apartment. I've tried for ages to get myself a job close to home, I filled out applications, and it's practically all to no avail. It doesn't help that I never had a job in my life, so there's no work experience. Then, I don't have anybody who I could use as a reference, nor do I have any friends working at some of the places that are hiring that I pick up applications for. That's what's been keeping me from ever getting hired, I'm afraid. But I'm telling you, I'm desperate for a job.

    It doesn't help matters that I'm diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, so despite my independence streak (like, I'm an Aries), I feel really helpless. All I can say is that I'm feeling so damn miserable, that I am desperate to get myself out of this situation.

    Look, I've tried talking to my parents multiple times about how I feel, but I just can't bring up the nerve to. Can somebody at least tell me what to do? Can somebody please help me out here? I could really use whatever advice, guidance, help, etc. that I could get.

    Sorry, but I just can't help myself. I just can't take it anymore.
     
  2. Shipwreck

    Shipwreck Will smack your bitch

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    Just keep trying. Find every place around you that has an app online and fill them out constantly. Plus if they ask for work experience say you work on a farm because you do and it sounds like work to me.
     
  3. swampflight

    swampflight Banned

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    Seek help where you can find it!

    Have you tried talking to your friends about this situation?Is there a guildance councelor at the colledge you attend?Not to push religion,but what about a pastor at a local church?Are there any youth groups in your area?What about your friends parents?This is a hard time for you right now but the best advice I can give is dont do anything out of frustration;collect your thoughts,calm yourself down,and focus on the solution and not the problem and I hope the best for You.
     
  4. Deceptikitty

    Deceptikitty all about the hasubandos

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    It sounds like you do a lot on the farm, and especially a lot to help your parents. Although I don't live on a farm, I'm kind of in the same situation. I live at home, and since I live there for free (as long as I'm in school and have a job) I try to do everything I can. I give a lot of the money I earn to my parents, and I'm the main person who does the cooking/cleaning/animal care. I have a brother, but for some reason he just doesn't help much. It gets stressful, especially when your parents target you. I always feel guilty and that I'm not doing enough.

    Concerning the job, the best thing I can tell you is to just keep trying! I lucked out and got out of retail and snagged a great federal job, but even if you're stuck working crappy gigs just to get some experience... it's a good way to build a resume.

    But I think the best thing I can tell you is that most of the time your parents are just lashing out on you for the stress they're under. I'm sure you do a lot around there, but just try to tell yourself you're doing as much as you can! If you are, then don't let your parents get to you.
     
  5. defstar

    defstar Autobot...

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    What about a local feed store...is there one your family uses to purchase feed for the animals...?

    You could try there...years back there was one close to us and they were always trying to find highschool/college students to help load/unload feed...maybe there you could even get a discount...

    Heck just try Walmart...be a stocker or something and I know you'll get discounts there on all your TF needs...

    Have you asked anyone at college if they are trying to find an apartment roommate...?
     
  6. Slowedyourmind

    Slowedyourmind Member

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    If you have documentation of a diagnosis of Asperger's Disorder, you might qualify for some benefits (job training, housing placement, etc.) through a vocational rehabilitation (that's what they call it here) type office. Basically a government office that addresses issues of people with disabilities. It works differently in every state, but it sounds like you have nothing to lose.

    Just be aware that these agencies are government bureaucracies so their employees (generally speaking) don't care about helping people as much as they do about complying with mind-numbing illogical rules so you have to be persistent about getting them to do their jobs. They can and will...you just have to be persistent.
     
  7. Moonscream

    Moonscream YES, We EXIST!

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    I agree with Deceptikitty that they're taking their own stresses out on you. And they're probably so wrapped up in their own problems that they don't have a clue what they're doing to you.

    YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM. For your own sanity and theirs. Even if its by screaming at them...just as long as it doesn't include violence against human or animal. Keeping it in only GUARANTEES you'll snap in some way violently. It is about time your parents start seeing you as an adult and not a child, too, especially if you're contributing so much to the household, and part of that is for you to stand up for yourself.

    Just thought of something, too - if you're eligible to apply for disability in your state, that may include some monetary benefits, which may help with the stress. Even if you're not able to move out on your own or get a job, you may be able to help with household/farm expenses.

    --Moony
     
  8. nkelsch

    nkelsch Do you know this Icon? TFW2005 Supporter

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    If you are an adult with Asperger's, you probably are going to have lots of depression and/or be bi-polar as well as being very hard to communicate with which probably makes people get very frustrated with you really quickly.

    There is worse things to life than working the farm while you go to college. Having a free roof over your head while in school is a luxury lots of people don't have.

    If you did get a job, it doesn't mean that all that money is free for 'fun times' that money is to pay your rent because you shouldn't expect free room and board from your parents, especially if you can't help out at home. If you get it, that is great, but no one is owed free room and board at home after 18.

    So would living on your own and paying rent from a job while going to school be better for your psyche than living at home and doing farm work while going to school, but it sounds like your family is in a tough spot too and you moving out may require them to hire help or close down some of the things they do. They are probably worried about how to make ends meet. So it is not all about you.

    Well, That is something some people with asperger's have a problem relating too which causes inter-personal problems with friends and family.

    Sounds like you need medical advice. It is not a bad thing to talk through these issues with a professional and have an impartial view of your own behavior and situation especially if you have asperger's.
     
  9. Moonscream

    Moonscream YES, We EXIST!

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    Arguably he is exchanging labor for room and board. But I do agree with your post.

    --Moony
     
  10. Bryan

    Bryan ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

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    Here's a simple three step plan to squaring things away.

    1) Quit your whining.

    2) Ask yourself where you want to be in five (or even better, ten) years.

    3) Determine what you need to do to get there, and then do it.

    I mean, what, you're gonna be on the farm for the rest of your life? Eventually, you're just going to have to relocate for school or for a job that isn't great. Or hell, join the service. That'll take care of all your concerns in one fell swoop.
     
  11. TheIncredibleHulk

    TheIncredibleHulk Find Gary Busey!

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    I know your pain dude. Me and the wife moved into her grandparent's old house. It was on a family farm, owned by her mother and 2 aunts. When we moved in, I told everyone, "I'm not a farmer, don't want to be a farmer, and will never be a farmer". But of course, I got forced into helping out with some of the chores, like feeding the cows a couple days a week. The sister's start fighting, so I started getting blamed for stuff on the farm. We eventually just had to move out, couldn't take it anymore. They decided to sell the farm soon after, couldn't manage it well enough between the 3 sisters.
     
  12. ILoveDinobot

    ILoveDinobot Arise Rodimus Prime

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    Wow, it seems so weird. It is like we live in 2 completely different worlds. I never seen a real cow before. Well in the distance I have driving upstate, but never up close. I always thought living on a farm would be so cool since I love animals. But I guess all the cleaning and feeding would really suck. Not sure how old you are, but how about going away for college and living on campus?
     
  13. eyeballkid

    eyeballkid Old

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    I'm guessing that your parents are really stressed out. It is very hard to maintain a small farm like that in this day and age.

    Who is paying for college? Who pays for the gas to get there? Who pays for the internet? Who paid for the 110 Transformers that you have? You have food, a family, and a place to live.

    I don't have any advice, sorry. I don't really see the problem?
     
  14. Lock Cade

    Lock Cade Tarn Fangirl TFW2005 Supporter

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    Whether they're stressed or not, that is no reason for any of my parents to go and verbally abuse me. Y'know, my dad's planning to retire in the next couple of years. He figured that he could "up" the number of calves to raise on the bottle. However, there have been times in this year alone he thought about just giving up the entire farm. He's starting to realize that he's "unable" to do any physical work (like, he's around 50 years old). Both me and my older brother would like him to quit farming, as none of us are going to stick around to help out forever. So, needless to say, if Dad would just give up farming, sell everything off, then that would be extremely wonderful. 'Cause I'm sick and tired of it.

    Now, to try and go through each of your responses. Concerning college, I attend a community college in Ann Arbor, MI... where the rent is unbelievably expensive. It doesn't help matters that U-M and EMU are within that general area as well. Doubtful I could find an apartment within my price range, and rooming with someone, like hell yeah that'll ever happen... be my luck, I'll be butting heads with whoever's unfortunate to have me as a roommate, and one of us would be kicked right out. Now, I'm paying tuition through a trust fund that was set up when my paternal grandmother died when I was a fifth grader. If I ever need money out of the fund, I just have to call up my uncle. My parents aren't paying for tuition, and since they're trying to pay off bills, they very rarely give me gas money. So I'm literally draining money out of my own banking account just to fill up. I've been thinking about going into web design, something that I would hope would be fun to do... providing that it doesn't interfere with my writing career that's been practically run right into the ground these days.

    Now, somebody said about disability benefits or get help from an agency that'll help me find a job and whatnot? I've already been there... going to a place where a job counselor would help me get a job and then help me get situated in the workplace. They couldn't do a damn thing! Even with their help, I still did not get any calls back for job interviews. I may have Asperger's Syndrome, but like I said... my case is mild compared to others I have heard about. Besides, I value my independence, and if you really must know, I normally don't turn to others for help unless I postively absolutely need it. So there is no way, NO WAY, I'm going to try and get disability benefits of any kind. Given the choice, I'd rather be locked up in a padded cell before I get such benefits.

    Somebody mentioned going into the service... like, do you mean the Armed Forces? I thought I heard they would not accept austistic individuals. Though, I have been thinking about just joining the National Guard...

    And... just how would mentioning that I work on a farm -- practically voluntarily and therefore not getting paid -- is going to get me a job? I don't think that would seriously sit well with potential employers... unless they're all that desperate to hire people. Doubtful I'd get a job at the place where we normally buy feed... don't think they're hiring. Might be able to fill out apps for a job at somplace like Wal-Mart... I believe there's a new store that opened up in some town not too far from where I live. If not, then it looks like I'm either going to have to suffer through college to earn a degree in web design OR see about joining the National Guard or something.
     
  15. aussiehippy

    aussiehippy Au contraire, Blackadder.

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    Do you have any friends or relatives nearer college that you could beg a bed from for a little while?

    I'd try and get closer to a bigger town where there are more jobs, even just casual ones that will tide you over for a while and bring in $$ towards getting a flat.

    Doing all that work on a farm whilst also doing college whilst also trying to have a writing career sounds like a bit too much at once for me....

    Sometimes you just have to get up and go, hell, I just left and went to the other side of the world, with very little money, and no jobs lined up. But you just deal with it and it gets sorted.

    I wish you the best in what you decide to do, but I guess you need to decide and DO IT!
     
  16. jourdo

    jourdo TFW2005 Supporter

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    Good plan! You are ultimately in control of your life... make the changes you need to be in the place you want to be.
     
  17. Chaos Muffin

    Chaos Muffin Misadventure Veteran

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    I dated an aries once, man was she bullheaded :lol 

    You can always sell girl scout cookies
     
  18. Spekkio

    Spekkio Master of War

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    RE: Military - yeah, I don't think that it's an option for the original poster given her disability status. (That includes Nat'l Guard.)

    RE: Disability services and benefits
    I know what you mean. But try to swallow your pride. I've finally applied for Social Security Disability because nobody will consider me for any work at all, despite having two bachelor's degrees and previous work experience.

    RE: Family
    I know what you mean here, too. My family doesn't "get it" at all, and I haven't lived at home for many years now. They seem to think I should just be able to shake my head and my mental disorders should just disappear. The only thing I can suggest is to try to persuade them to do family counseling of some sort.

    Best of luck.
     
  19. Lock Cade

    Lock Cade Tarn Fangirl TFW2005 Supporter

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    You know what... I simply don't care anymore. Not saying I'm going to commit suicide or anything... I have a very serious thing about living. But still... I just don't care. If at all, I'll just wait until fall registration begins, and I'm just going to try and take as many classes as I possibly can. Might have to ask my uncle to get more money out of my trust fund, but hell it's better than just taking 1-2 at a time and just barely manage to pass. If necessary, I may have to ask my maternal grandparents if I could stay with them. They may not live close to the campus, but at least my driving time would be cut roughly in half.
     
  20. Night Flame

    Night Flame TFW2005 Supporter

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    Let me jump in here and say I'm likely to be the one person here who's actually been in your situation. Not exactly, but close. I lived on my family's farm for a few years, plus every summer even when I wasn't living full time there. I lived with my uncle, and worked for him during the day. There's one thing I can tell you about farm life that most people won't get. Family farms are full of bullshit. Not just literally, but figuratively as well.

    In my case, my grandpa was cool, but my uncle? What a tard. Dude couldn't ever handle a real job working with real people that weren't family because he just couldn't put a clamp on his mouth to save his life.

    Here's how I dealt with it: Give it as good as you get it. It's either that, or you end up feeling like the only option is death. And I went through that before realizing that place wasn't worth my life. It was worth telling my uncle he was full of shit as often as he told me I was. No matter how much I busted my ass, it was never enough. He'd tell me I was doing something the wrong way, and show me how he wanted it done. The next time, I'd do it the way he showed me, and he'd tell me that wasn't right and I should be doing it the way he scolded me for the previous time.

    Now, I was lucky. He made the decision for me by locking me out of the house one night when he decided I came home too late after going out to supper. I was twenty three years old at the time. So, the next time I could get in the house, I took my shit, and I left.

    If you currently can't get a job, ask yourself if you are aiming too high. I know the job market is rough right now, but for a first job, look at entry level crap jobs. The feed place sounds like a good idea. Material handler in some factory is another. Grocery store stock person. Pricer at Target or Walmart. Anything. It sucks, but you have to work up from something. If your entire work history is wrapped up in the family farm, write that down as your work history on your apps. Brag yourself up, and get yourself a job.

    All I can say for sure is you won't be happy as long as you're there. Once the family starts dragging you down in a farm situation, it'll never get better. Your choices are, put up with it, tell them off as much as they tell you off, or get the hell out. The first two result in an ever escalating bunch of crap between the family, and the last one results in somebody getting their feelings hurt but, in the long run, making everybody happier.

    My uncle and I are barely on speaking terms these days, almost twenty years later. I'm as likely to want to punch him in the face as say hi to him. don't let it get to that point. Find a way to make it yourself and get out. Don't let it kill your potential by dragging all your energy out of you before you make your way through the things you want to do. My uncle is a prime example of what happens with that. His mother told him he could either go to school, or he could work the farm. If he left, he was not ever to come back. He never left, and he's spent the rest of his life bitter and pissed off at the world for screwing him over so royally.

    Don't turn into him. Figure out what you want, and put your energies into that. It may come to a point where you have to tell the family this is it, you're doing what you want to do and they just have to deal with it. It's your life. YOU have to be the one happy with what you've done with it. Not them. You. Figure out how to make that happen and go do it. As insurmountable as that may seem to you now, it really is that simple. Just say, "I want to be here" and fight your way to that goal.

    It worked for me. I'm now a full-time web developer with a loving wife and a home full of happy, lovey pets. It's pretty much the life I wanted, minus the rock stardom. I chose to make that happen. I didn't stick around to see how much more I could hate myself for tolerating my uncle's shit. And you don't need to take an ever increasing stream of shit from your family.
     

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