Fanfiction Reviews: Revamped!

Discussion in 'Transformers Fan Fiction' started by optimegatron, Jun 21, 2012.

  1. optimegatron

    optimegatron Not over, not finished.

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2011
    Posts:
    2,440
    News Credits:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    151
    Likes:
    +8
    Well, since the only review thread on the site is moldy as hell, I figured I'll start the new Fanfic review thread.
    Here I'll be reviewing various TF fanfics that I think deserve attention, or deserve suspension.
    I will be reviewing under the following system:
    Writing (Is this fanfiction written properly? Are there a lot of typos and grammar issues?)

    Story (Short summary of the story, review of factors such as characters, pacing, etc.)


    Overall: X/10
    Review

    -In the Overall section, there will also be an evaluation.
    1/10=Abomination
    2/10=Awefultastic
    3/10=Horrible
    4/10=Bad
    5/10=Mediocre
    6/10=Okay
    7/10=Good
    8/10=Great
    9/10=Amazing
    10/10=Masterpiece
    _________________________________
    You can, at any time, ask me to review your fanfic either by Visitor Message or via Private Message.
    Also, feel free and encouraged to review other fanfics yourself if you wish to. You can use my system, or your own.
     
  2. optimegatron

    optimegatron Not over, not finished.

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2011
    Posts:
    2,440
    News Credits:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    151
    Likes:
    +8
    Well, let's start this out, shall we?

    First review goes to:
    Transformers: Velocity
    By BooyakaDragon
    ____________________________________________________________________________________

    I'll start off by saying this fanfic uses a action format (i.e. Character Name: Dialogue)
    So if you're not a fan of those, this is not for you.

    This fanfic is released in a serial. For now, only the prologue and Episode 1 are up. I am going to review it as if it's an episode review. Cause that's how I roll ;) 

    ______________________________________________________________________________

    Length: 7.5/10
    The length is on of, if not the only, largest issue in this fanfic. Now, it only has a single episode up, so there's always a way out. Personally, I think despite being short, Episode 1: Not A Warm Welcome, managed to quite show what was going on, and hopefully set up the base for the next installment.

    Story: 8/10
    To describe the story in one word, Potential. This fan fiction has it.
    Not to spoil too much, the story sets itself in the war for Cybertron (THE TIME, NOT THE GAME), and a single unaffiliated group on the messed up planet is called the CRA, "a racing organization that has been alive for countless centuries."
    The story is, once again, full of great potential, and that potential can easily be identified during the first episode.
    If Booy/Dragon/BooyakaDragon/whatever can take this fanfic to the right direction, the story is probably to be a magnificant part of this.
    In a nutshell, it's hard to make assumptions at this early point, but this fanfic is definately nice, story-wise.

    Personal-Notes:

    On a personal note, I recommend this fanfic for those of you who like script-like creations and episodic ones.
    Hopefully the writer will realize what he has in his hands, and will take this fanfic into the right direction.
    If that is the case, I will most definately review it again, completely this time.

    Overall: 8/10 - Excellent
    Good writing, maybe a typo here and there, excellent story, slightly short.
    Worth a read.
     
  3. optimegatron

    optimegatron Not over, not finished.

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2011
    Posts:
    2,440
    News Credits:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    151
    Likes:
    +8
    Next up, we have probably the most insane and professional TF fanfic I've seen in a while.

    Optimus
    By: SPLIT LIP
    __________________________________________________________________________________________

    Length: 10/10
    With multiple installments already on air, the length of each blows you away, and how much SPLIT LIP manages to put inside each makes you wonder if she (Yup, it's a she) is a professional of sorts.

    Story: 9.7/10
    Simply extrordinary. Once again, I question myself weather SPLIT's style reminds me of any popular, well-known writers to compare her with.
    To be fair, I will admit, I haven't gotten the chance to read the entire thing all the way through, as I am allergic to insanely long fanfics. But despite understanding the general plot, I'm not going to reveal it. I believe a piece of art such as this deserves to be read in real time.
    I can review the story though.
    intriguing. This story makes you want to enjoy every word, and love the characters.

    Personal-Notes:
    This fanfic is probably the blockbuster event of fanfics. I enjoyed it very much, despite reading just slightly over half of what's already out. I will return to finish this story, it's very hard to stay away for too long.
    Extremely fun to read, this fanfic makes you wanna try harder to reach this high level.
    I am curiously hoping for another fan fiction that stands out this tall over the rest.

    Overall: 10/10 - Perfect
    Amazing writing, length is satisfying to say the least, story keeps you anticipating the next line, and characters are engaging and interactive.

    This is probably the best fanfic you can find without digging deep into the section. Absolutely stunning.
     
  4. optimegatron

    optimegatron Not over, not finished.

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2011
    Posts:
    2,440
    News Credits:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    151
    Likes:
    +8
    DOTM - The Unknowns
    By: alphie
    _______________________________________________________________________
    Length: 10/10
    I don't think I need to say anything beyond, the length of each chapter in this fanfic is wonderful.
    Definately extraordinary, considering we've got 17 chapters to date, with each one being as long as an average complete fan fiction is here. Kudos to you, alphie, you are great at writing long stories that keep you on your toes for a while.
    Story:10/10
    Well, once again, I'll try to be brief and careful. So, the story begins roughly 1 month after the events of the third film. In the beginning, you get an amazingly written description reguarding the aftermath of the Chicago battle.
    Meanwhile, a pair of kids, Jeremy and his brother, who have their farmhouse torn down, find something hidden under the ground.
    The story keeps you reading, and keeps you anticipating the next move.
    While it serves as a sequel to DOTM, The Unknowns provides a seperate vibe, one that I haven't felt in a while, at least since the Unicron trilogy.
    Personal Notes:
    Well, I think I said everything necessary in the latter sections. alphie has created probably the most intense and interesting Transformers fan fiction since... Ever.
    Overall: 10/10- Perfect.
    I feel as if saying another word would ruin the experience waiting for you as you read through this amazing fanfic.
    What're you doing here? Get to it!
     
  5. optimegatron

    optimegatron Not over, not finished.

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2011
    Posts:
    2,440
    News Credits:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    151
    Likes:
    +8
    Ironically, we have another fanfic taking place after DOTM!
    _______________________________________________________________________
    Ironhide: Remembered
    By: Ironhide1706
    _________________________________________________________________________
    Length: 7/10
    To be fair for Ironhide1706, he did update the existing installments to be longer, and added new ones.
    The length, surprisingly, isn't that much an issue in this fanfic, considering how much he managed to stuff in.
    The fanfic consists of several small paragraphs, that somehow manage to tell the story very nicely.

    Story: 10/10
    So the story picks up probably not very long after DOTM.
    It tells the story of the emotions inside the transformers, especially Optimus, about the death of a grat comrade, you guessed it, Ironhide.
    The story isn't there to be energetic, and it's clearly not there to serve as TF4. No action whatsoever. Just the emotional storm happening after Ironhide's departure.
    As I said before, despite the disappointingly short length, the story is delivered wonderfully. It's the story that makes everything stop for a while as you're reading it; sucking you in, and leaving you craving for another awesome story, delivered by the next surviving character of the Chicago battle.

    Personal Notes:
    Well, remember when I said the length was disappointing? Well, there's a loophole out of it.
    Ironhide1706 offers you, if you wish, to help by adding additional stories, delivered by another character. In other words, the story's length can greatly increase if more members would continue the touching story.

    Overall: 8.5/10- Excellent
    The story is delivered in a heart-twitching fashion. Very emotional and very satisfying if you're sad about the absence of any rememberence of Ironhide.
    Quite a fun story. Worth a read.
     
  6. optimegatron

    optimegatron Not over, not finished.

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2011
    Posts:
    2,440
    News Credits:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    151
    Likes:
    +8
    Arcee: Friend, Warrior, Monster
    By: nobleboivin
    __________________________________________________________________

    Length: 6/10
    Well, in theory, I'd say it deserves better, considering it's quite long on paper. But in my opinion, (And I could be wrong here, it's just me), the length of the fanfic is slightly cheating. Once again, opinions differ, but mine tells me that moving down a line to write a quote, then another line for another quote, then another line to go back to narration makes the fanfic longer than it truly is. It still doesn't influence how nice this fanfic is, it's just this reviewer's opinion.

    Story: 9/10
    The story takes place somewhere within Prime.
    Something goes wrong, and Airachnid gets released from her stasis pod from Armada. She injures Arcee, who later gets treatment.
    But something happens to Arcee that night. And that's what you'll be reading about.
    The story is haunting and interesting. It doen't take long to read, but it's a great fanfic reguardless.

    Personal Notes:
    Well, I'll start off by saying I like this fanfic a lot. It's a great concept of what happens with Airachnid, and a good idea in general. It's pretty fun to read, many parts are signature to thriller movies.

    Overall: 7.5/10- Great.
    So yes, as I said, the main issue here is how quick you're done with the fanfic. Although, it's not complete yet, as noble still releases new continuations.
    Very good, I must say. Don't pass on this just because I said it's not really that long. Once again, this is my opinion only. You could read it, and come up with a conclusion that it's as long as you like it.
    So, in conclusion, it's worth a read, and I'm anticipating the next chapter.
     
  7. nobleboivin

    nobleboivin The Cheesemonger

    Joined:
    May 4, 2012
    Posts:
    10,056
    News Credits:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    277
    Likes:
    +176
    Thank you for the reveiw and compliments also I tend to double space so people can read the writing easier. Its a force of habit.
     
  8. optimegatron

    optimegatron Not over, not finished.

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2011
    Posts:
    2,440
    News Credits:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    151
    Likes:
    +8
    Sure :D 
     
  9. Bumblebee765

    Bumblebee765 Wrecker

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2011
    Posts:
    4,583
    News Credits:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    172
    Likes:
    +8
    You said we could post our own reviews, right? :) 
    TFP: Forgotten
    By: Challenger
    __________________________________________________________________

    Length: 9/10
    It may not be very long, but sometimes that's a good thing. Challenger gets to the point of the story, and doesn't drag it out too long. It's short, but for the story it tells it's a satisfying length.

    Story: 10/10
    The story takes place after season one of Prime, after Optimus Prime loses his
    memory and temporarily leaves the Autobots. Challenger really shows Bumblebee's relationship to the Autobots, from the father/son relationship he has with Optimus, to the brother/sister one Bee has with Arcee.

    Personal Notes:
    Overall I love this fan fiction. It's one of the very few (maybe even the only one) I've ever read from start to finish. (Not counting fan fictions that have future installments not yet released. :wink: ) It's excellent and touching. I'd say it definitely deserves a read. You did good Challenger. :thumb 

    Overall: 10/10- Perfect
    From the emotional relationships shown between Bumblebee and the other Autobots, to Bee's final determination to get Optimus back on his side, this fan fiction is absolutely excellent! It won't keep you on the edge of your seat with suspense, nor will you be treated to high-paced action in the heat of battle. Instead the treat of the read is simply in the emotion it carries. :) 

    *The title at the top of this post is a link. :wink: 

    Edit: I'll be helping out optimegatron with reviewing fan fictions, so you can also send your requests to me via PM if you'd like! :) 
     
  10. Bumblebee765

    Bumblebee765 Wrecker

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2011
    Posts:
    4,583
    News Credits:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    172
    Likes:
    +8
    This review will be split into three parts. :wink: 
    The Transformers/Marvel Continuity - Transformers Prologue
    By: eagc7
    __________________________________________________________________

    Length: 7/10
    Although it's rather long it feels too short. I don't grade length by physical length, but by if the length fits the contents of the story. This fan fiction feels far too rushed.

    Story: 8.5/10
    This fan fiction takes place back on Cybertron, and eagc7 even provides his readers with an exact date: December 20, 2009. Overall the story is rather good and also interesting, but it's nothing really new. Optimus Prime has already left Cybertron for Earth, and Megatron is out of the action in stasis. There is constant action and fighting, but that doesn't really feel like a positive attribute to me. As I stated before it feels too rushed. There's almost no scene where the Decepticons aren't attacking the Autobots, or vice-verse. Some Autobots get captured by the Decepticons, and Prowl goes to find them, but he goes to Starscream when the Constructicons have his friends. He gets attacked and another battle ensues. Towards the end Frenzy finds The Fallen's sarcophagus, and The Fallen resurrects the killed Starscream, who was killed by a dying Prowl.

    Personal Notes:
    In conclusion eagc7 provides a story that's full of non-stop action and robot combat, but is that really a good thing? He implies the relationships between the different characters, but never really builds upon them. Although I don't blame him too much, since this seems to be just the beginning of his series and he wants to get everything introduced. There are also quite a few main character deaths, which is not really a bad thing - it adds impact, and I'm interested to see if eagc7 mentions them later in his series. (Like Prowl's death, for example) My only really major issue is his spelling and grammar. I found that sometimes it takes me out of the story a bit.

    Overall: 8.5/10- Excellent
    In conclusion eagc7's fan fiction is interesting, but I think he should try to write some more non-combat situations to develop the characters and their relationships with one another better in future fan fictions in this series. :)  Overall, nice job eagc7!
     
  11. eagc7

    eagc7 TF Movies Fan/Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2009
    Posts:
    20,281
    News Credits:
    35
    Trophy Points:
    307
    Likes:
    +217
    Twitter:
    Google+:
    YouTube:
    Thanks for reviewing them

    and yes it was the beginning of my series i was trying to introduce all, but in my new stories i am building up the characters :)  (it was based on the stop motion version of prologue which had no character develoment and was my first stop motion project, but with me expanding my universe i can develop those characters in future installments :) 

    i may mention some events (prowl death was mention in the stop motino ver of prologue). considering ur writting one of my projects which isset during ALL of my stop motions, prologue is one them (but you have to write what was extablished in the stop motino version, and i'll rewrite those parts so it can fit the fnafic version)

    and yes i get that alot, i just type so fast and i dont feel like fixing my typo mistakes, but i am fixing some mistakes on my old Earth protectors script :) 
     
  12. Bumblebee765

    Bumblebee765 Wrecker

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2011
    Posts:
    4,583
    News Credits:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    172
    Likes:
    +8
    Part two of this review! :wink: 
    The Transformers/Marvel Continuity - Transformers
    By: eagc7
    __________________________________________________________________

    Length: 7.5/10
    Once again, it feels a bit rushed, but eagc7 seems to have slowed it down and focused on one scene more that the first one.

    Story: 8/10
    This story takes place on the same date as the previous one (December 20, 2009), but on Earth instead of Cybertron. It details the Decepticons and Autobots trying to find the AllSpark, which is being kept in a museum. From what I can tell it seems to be loosely based on the 2007 movie. Bonecrusher is who destroys Bumblebee's vocal processor in eagc7's continuity. Once again the story is almost non-stop battles, but this time there's slightly more focus on individual characters, although I still sometimes find it hard to understand what's going on because of how quickly the scene changes. There are still many main character deaths, and they're just as quick as the deaths in the first story, but there seems to be more of an impact on the other characters in this one. Sam Witwicky even shows up at the end of this one, but he goes unnamed for now.

    Personal Notes:
    Just like before eagc7 has written a fan fiction with a lot of promise, but the scenes change too fast to really fully grasp what's going on. I will say though, it is better than the first one. :)  His grammar and spelling is still off, I'd suggest after typing it go over it and check for errors before posting. :wink: 

    Overall: 8.5/10- Excellent
    Overall eagc7's continuity shows a lot of promise, and I can tell it's getting better as time goes on, even though it's only the second fan fiction, his character development has increased quite a lot. :thumb 
     
  13. eagc7

    eagc7 TF Movies Fan/Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2009
    Posts:
    20,281
    News Credits:
    35
    Trophy Points:
    307
    Likes:
    +217
    Twitter:
    Google+:
    YouTube:
    thanks again :)  and yep both are rushed as its based on my very early series back in 2009. which were pretty rushed (even the animation was rushed, look back at the animation of my old series and compare them to my 2011 ones :p ) when i made both back in 2009. :p 
     
  14. Bumblebee765

    Bumblebee765 Wrecker

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2011
    Posts:
    4,583
    News Credits:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    172
    Likes:
    +8
    Next part of this review! :wink: 
    The Transformers/Marvel Continuity - Transformers Sector 7: Classified Videos
    By: eagc7
    __________________________________________________________________

    Length: 8/10
    The length for this fan fiction has struck a much better medium. It still feels rather rushed, but that's more fitting for the type of story eagc7 is presenting, which as you may have guessed from the title is a series of "videos".

    Story: 8.5/10
    This story takes place over a much longer period of time, sort of. Each short "video" is presented with a date and location, and that really works for this story. It mostly categorizes Sector 7's studies of the Cybertronians and some of what they've observed.

    Personal Notes:
    One thing I especially like is the inclusion of a mention of S.H.I.E.L.D. providing information to Sector 7, and I assume eagc7 will touch upon that relationship later on in his series, since in this fan fiction he could have replaced it with any organization name. The inclusion of historical events is also rather intriguing, and I can't wait to see what eagc7 does with them from now on.

    Overall: 9/10- Amazing
    This time eagc7 has provided a fan fiction that showed more than just promise, it showed what he can do with that promise. While the story does still have a few issues, even the grammar and spelling has greatly improved in this one. Keep up more work like this eagc7! :thumb 
     
  15. eagc7

    eagc7 TF Movies Fan/Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2009
    Posts:
    20,281
    News Credits:
    35
    Trophy Points:
    307
    Likes:
    +217
    Twitter:
    Google+:
    YouTube:
    thanks again :) 

    for now :ev: 

    oh yeess, i will :ev: 

    you will see :ev:  but you will have to wait :ev: 
     
  16. Jayhan

    Jayhan Heatbreaker

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2010
    Posts:
    93
    Trophy Points:
    46
    Likes:
    +0
    Hm.... I was wondering if someone could review my TFP: Ordeal fanfiction?
    I'd also like to receive constructive comments so that I can get better. :D 
     
  17. HeroicC300

    HeroicC300 Chats with Artists

    Joined:
    May 4, 2011
    Posts:
    4,211
    News Credits:
    20
    Trophy Points:
    172
    Likes:
    +25
    While I won't be doing reviews, can someone give a review of what little I've written of With A Thousand Lies
     
  18. optimegatron

    optimegatron Not over, not finished.

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2011
    Posts:
    2,440
    News Credits:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    151
    Likes:
    +8
    Sure thing :) 
     
  19. optimegatron

    optimegatron Not over, not finished.

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2011
    Posts:
    2,440
    News Credits:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    151
    Likes:
    +8
    No problem.
     
  20. Bumblebee765

    Bumblebee765 Wrecker

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2011
    Posts:
    4,583
    News Credits:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    172
    Likes:
    +8
    Transformers: Ghosts of Kaon
    By: Mr. Chaos
    __________________________________________________________________

    Length: 9/10
    The length of Mr. Chaos's fan fiction strikes a perfect length. The battle scenes aren't so long they become boring, and his other scenes keep you interested in the story without dragging on.

    Story: 9/10
    The story of Mr. Chaos's fan fiction takes place post-Dark of the Moon. The Autobots are living in peace after Megatron and Sentinel Prime's death. Sam works with Bumblebee again, and both of them are representatives for the UN. NEST is still in operation, but now they're working to rebuild Earth after the Decepticon invasion. Mr. Chaos also provides his readers with some interesting plot twists, which I won't list here since I wouldn't want to spoil it for anybody interested in reading this.

    Personal Notes:
    It seems that somebody else has used Cyclonus in a post-Dark of the Moon fan fiction! :D  I really like the inclusion of one of my favorite Decepticons into this, and other characters, such as Sunstreaker, were unexpected inclusions. Mr Chaos also provides some background information at the end of each chapter, such as voice actors, and a rather interesting segment about "sparklings", and the notion of "family" to Cybertronians.

    Overall: 9/10- Amazing
    In conclusion Mr. Chaos provides a wonderful fan fiction full of interesting turns. Brains and Wheelie survive, and are just as funny as ever (seriously, if the story doesn't interest you, read it just for those two!). I can't wait to see what else he does with this fan fiction! :thumb 
     

Share This Page