Fall of Mera

Discussion in 'Transformers Fan Fiction' started by Rexidus, Jul 1, 2012.

  1. Rexidus

    Rexidus Autobot TFW2005 Supporter

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    I've had the general idea for this story for a few months. Today I was inspired to just sit down and write. Since I was in the mood to write an action piece I just skipped strait to the end of this story. All comments and criticisms welcome.

    The Fall of Mera
    By Rexidus (Ryoku)

    Authors note: This story takes places on Cybertron, many generations before even Sentinel Prime.

    Neptimus clutched the wound in his side. The energon flowed around his hand; his internal organs plainly visible . He knew the wound was probably fatal.

    Another chunk of metal slammed into the walls in front of him. He didn’t have much time left either way. Beyond the gate was the entire Dromian army. The Lords Guard had fallen. The outer walls breached. The city lay in ruin, smoke rising into the cold air from the burning and melting city.

    Neptimus did what he could to treat his wound but he was no healer. But he was a Merian and as long as he survived, Mera would not fall. Looking back he confirmed the great seal was still solid. Behind that seal lay a seemingly never ending supply of raw energon. It was because of that energon Mera had grown wealthy and lazy. It was because of that seal other cities, such as Drom, lived impoverishly. Mera was blessed by Primus but others saw it differently.

    Another slam of metal against the gate. They were shortly going to get through. Neptimus lifted his sword, the diamond shaped symbol of Mara emblazoned in the red guard. Bringing the guard to his face, he spoke a verse from the Covenant of Primus, “For the body may rust and crumble, the spark may flicker and fade, for thou shall return to my grace. Until all are one.”

    As if on cue the gates burst open. The ram attached to half a dozen people had been made from one of the Castle pillars, its gold alloy sparkling in the blue light of the energon permeating the room. As soon as it was pulled back in rushed soldiers to claim the prize.

    Neptimus brought his sword down into the neck of the first bot that entered. The second swung a hammer at his head. Ducking, Neptimus took advantage of the opening and imbedded his sword deep into chest of the soldier. Another rushed Neptimus as his sword was occupied and pushed him back and to the ground. Neptimus kicked his assaulter off him and was pleased to realize his hand still gripped his sword.

    Standing, Neptimus blocked a sword swing coming down on top of him. Moving swiftly, Neptimus pushed back creating an opening from the swordsman; an opening that Neptimus took spilling his energon quickly. Another sword attempted to finish Neptimus, but he twisted the first swordsmans corpse into the path of the new blade and kicked the lifeless body into the attacker.

    A sharp pain ran through Neptimus as a spear pierces his leg. Neptimus brought his sword down removing the tip of the spear from the shaft freeing him to move. Ignoring the pain from the spearhead in his leg, Neptimus gripped his sword with both hands and brought the blade down with a powerful slash. The longer he fought, the more he made Solatron’s forces pay for this victory. All the friends he had lost in the course of the war; Bellator, slain just hours before at the castle bridge; Pietus, cut down by a brute twice his size; Mursus, killed in the opening battle of the war; and of course Lord Uraius, surrounded by a dozen troops yet still in command.

    An axe slammed into the ground in front of Neptimus but was not raised again for the wielder’s head fell from his shoulders. Continuing the movement, the sword found itself blocked by the shaft of a hammer wielding soldier. The opponent pushed Neptimus back then brought his hammer to bear denting Neptimus’s chest plate. Staggered by the attack, he was unable to defend against another spear that pierced his shoulder from behind and forced him to the ground. His sword fell from his hand, his own energon staining the hilt.

    Neptimus felt himself being raised to a kneeling position. He eventually realized he was facing Lord Solatron who had entered the sealing chambers.
    “I want you to see this, last Merian,” Lord Solatron spoke in his high scratchy voice. “I want you to see your Great Seal destroyed and know that those you have starved are free of you. Your extravagance was born of our suffering and now… Now it is undone!”

    With a mighty swing of his mace, Lord Solatron destroyed the mechanism keeping the Great Seal closed. A cascade of energon was set loose with a deafening roar. A fine mist filled the room eliciting laughter and cheers from the Dromian soldiers covered in a thin layer of liquid energon.
    In the distance, Neptimus saw the energon flow into the remains of the city flooding the rivers that had once fueled the beauty of Mera. The energon flowed past they cracked and crumbling castle, through the molten remains of the Divine Antichamber, overflowing the scared and decimated Flirian Gardens, past the shattered remains of the outer walls and disappearing into the Carbonite Forest beyond.

    “And now, last Merian,” Lord Solatron’s scratchy voiced pierced his troops merriment, “you join your brethren.”
     
  2. Acer

    Acer VisualAdlib Ex-Pat

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    Really good! :D  There are some tensing issues (present vs past tense), but other than that, awesome! :D 
     
  3. Rexidus

    Rexidus Autobot TFW2005 Supporter

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    Thanks for the feedback. :) 

    Wil Wheaton had discussed on his blog a writing exercise he did where he wouldn't go back and edit or check his work. I decided to try it as well and intentionally didn't go back and proofread it or correct mistakes. I suppose it's kind of a good exercise to make me be more careful about things as I write them.

    But hey, I'm glad at least one person enjoyed this little story I had in my head.
     
  4. Meta777

    Meta777 Dr Pepper Fan

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    LOL, for a moment I thought the title was: "Fall of Meta." and I was like: "wait what?!"

    Anyway, this was quite an interesting piece. I like the idea of a society before the 'modern' Cybertronians, so to speak, and how the Merians hoarded this treasure while others suffered. And now, it came back to bite them in the ass.

    You did a good job here. No obvious errors I can comment on, so pretty much, you did very well :) 
     
  5. Rexidus

    Rexidus Autobot TFW2005 Supporter

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    I'm not secretly plotting to kill you... *shifty eye*

    I find the idea of fleshing out Cybertronian history to be incredibly interesting. So giving them an era before guns and before we see them intrigues me. I also was toying with how to make something that could be seen as black and white as not be so black and white. The Merians weren't evil. They didn't horde the energon to cause suffering. They horded a resource that was originating from their city state to improve their quality of life. It just so happens doing so caused others suffering.

    I'm glad you enjoyed it Meta. :D 
     

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