Excuse me Mr Bay Can we have a word collection

Discussion in 'Transformers Fan Fiction' started by OptimussSTAR, Sep 27, 2012.

  1. OptimussSTAR

    OptimussSTAR Well-Known Member

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    These are on my account on FF, but thought I would share them here as well..

    Disclaimer – Do not own Transformers

    Set to BayVerse and part G1

    One shot – silly fluff no pairings –

    This bunny was floating around my head about what would Bay do if Transformers had been real and had a problem with his movies.

    Excuse me, Mr. Bay Can we have a word?

    Chapter 1

    (Michael Bay's mansion)

    Shadows lurked outside, as the ground shook as several large robots made their way to a gorgeous mansion.

    "I don't honestly think we will get anywhere with this human." a voice replied.

    "Let me at him I have my cannons and I ain't afraid to use them!"

    "Ironhide, we don't harm humans, what's with you?" Optimus growled.

    "Can I hit him with my wrench?" Ratchet asked.

    "We are Autobots we simply want him to portray us better." Optimus said.

    "What are you complaining about Optimus, you got to come back to life but he killed me and Flare - up and he didn't even get my vehicle form right I am a pink sports car NOT a motorbike." Arcee complained.

    "And now his third one has Hot Rod no one even likes Hot Rod he will never be you." Chromia said in a teasing tone.

    "Hey, whose femme are you?"Ironhide muttered making her smile.

    "He didn't even put me into this so called movie." a new female voice said.

    Optimus glanced over and saw his true love Elita-1 and smiled.

    "If he did he would have had to make it R instead of PG -13." Sideswipe said as he saw his twin walk up.

    "Slagging squishy didn't have me with Sideswipe either we're like Peanut butter and jelly." Sunstreaker said.

    "Hot chocolate and marshmallows." Sideswipe said.

    "You don't even eat human food." Ironhide answered.

    "So…." Sunny said.

    "I must admit though you were portrayed as truly violent and you're not like that." Elita said to Prime. "But the flames they gave you were quite impressive and what is that human word – ah yes HOT." she said smirking.

    "I do believe we need to speak to this human about portraying us correctly he is really wrong to….." Optimus stopped hearing the sounds of familiar jet engines. "Oh slag he they come." Prime mumbled as Megatron transformed as well as Starscream.

    "At least dear brother you were not taken out by some human infant." Megatron growled as Starscream snorted.

    "But in the second movie at least you stabbed and blew out Optimus' spark and watched him die." Starscream mused.

    "It was a human movie, Starscream; it wasn't for real." Optimus said as lights went on in the bedroom and a window went up.

    "Whoever is making all the noise knock it off; we're trying to sleep!" Bay roared as he suddenly saw the robots.

    The female with him screamed when Optimus and the others moved closer.

    "Excuse me, Mr. Bay; can we have a word with you?"Optimus asked as there was a loud THUD as a body hit the floor unconscious.

    "What the slag happened?" Ratchet asked.

    "He is in stasis I believe." Arcee said.

    "Slagging humans, if they don't want us coming here and trying to talk to them; then don't make irritating movies about us." Ironhide said with a snarl.

    "Let's go before get into trouble." Optimus mumbled.

    "I like trouble." Megatron said pouting.

    "I know you do, Megatron but we're not in the mood let's go." Optimus said.

    "Party pooper." Megatron grumbled as they all walked away and then transformed heading back to the Ark.
     
  2. OptimussSTAR

    OptimussSTAR Well-Known Member

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    Disclaimer- I do not own Transformers

    I wasn't going to do another one but felt maybe it needed something added with it.

    Sequel to: Excuse me, Mr. Bay Can we have a word?

    Chapter 1

    Bots and Cons walked back toward the mansion as Optimus growled looking back his troops.

    "This is stupid." Optimus grumbled.

    "I want answers and if you were honest with yourself you glitch you want them too." Ratchet said. "Now move!" Ratchet yelled as the medic reached the window and tapped on the window.

    Of course this crumbled the window and wall a little bit; because of his strength.

    "Oh slag." growled Ratchet.

    The female screamed again making Ironhide snarl. "Slagging femme doesn't she do anything other than wail her vocal processor." as his cannons warmed up as Michael Bay once more appeared at the broken area now.

    "What the hell, is this a joke?"Bay grumbled. "There are no such things are Decepticons and Autobots." as he marched back into his room opened his large closet door and retrieved a rifle.

    He stomped back over and when he pointed his rifle at the large robots.

    "Is this slagging fool for real?" Starscream demanded as Ironhide pushed passed most of the others and aimed his cannon at the movie director.

    "Are you really feeling THAT lucky because I say I could make you a nice spot on that floor, what do you think?" Ironhide snarled, as Bay slowly put his gun down.

    "Okay fine, its down. " Bay said. "What do you want?" Bay asked.

    Optimus walked up and coughed. "We would like to know why you have insisted on creating movies about us and portraying us like… what's the word for it?"

    "You portray us like glitches like some human infant could defeat the mighty Megatron leader of the Decepticons."

    "Yes, mighty Megatron." Starscream snickered.

    Bay looked at the robots oddly. "How did you even know about my movies?" he asked.

    "We visit this planet often, and we know everything. It was bad enough with these animated things; but then live movies that make us look like slagging glitches is wrong." Optimus said.

    "I only made three well on my third anyway." Bay said. "I might make o…."

    Ironhide shoved his cannon into Bay's face.

    "NO MORE squishy or so help me I will forget our rule of no harming humans." Ironhide snarled.

    "I must agree and insist on that as well you must stop this if you do not want me to let Ironhide unleash his cannons. Then you must stop this slagging pit spawned nonsense of making stories about us that sound so glitched." Optimus said.

    "Fine no more." Bay said nervously.

    "Now, we find these pit spawned writers of fan fiction stories everyone split up; and we find all of these writers who have been writing stories about us on the World Wide Web." Optimus said as he saw the look on his brother's face. "Brother, no killing." Optimus warned.

    "Right.." Megatron chuckled as he and Starscream took off.

    "Autobots transform; and roll out." Optimus said.
     
  3. OptimussSTAR

    OptimussSTAR Well-Known Member

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    Disclaimer: I do not own it; this as always is just for fun

    Humor

    Fandom- BayVerse

    Summary – What would the Autobots and Decepticons reactions be toward Dark of moon if they were real and if they got to tell him?

    Another companion story to the Excuse me, Mr. Bay Can we have a word

    Excuse me Mr. Bay; but we did warn you

    A black Topkick, a blue with red flames semi, 3 racing cars, a yellow and black search and rescue Hummer, a strange tank, several F-22's, a yellow Camero with black racing stripes,

    Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots transformed and the others followed suit; to say the Autobot leader was angry was a slight understatement. He was furious.

    "How dare this human put such slag about us for money?" Optimus growled.

    "Sentinel Prime would never do the things he showed him doing, this is an outrage!" Sideswipe yelled.

    Sideswipe's twin grumbled.

    "He didn't even think I was special enough to add, and I am so photogenic too." Sunstreaker said smirking.

    "I wonder what our fans think." Bumblebee mused.

    "He dared to make me look like some sort of deformed creature with half a face!" Megatron roared.

    "He also made it look like there was no truce, our war is over we are all friends and friends with benefits." another voice said as a cop car drove up and transformed.

    "Barricade, hello..." Bumblebee replied.

    Starscream huffed.

    "You didn't get offlined by a slagging little Earth child." Starscream grumbled.

    Wheeljack rolled his optics.

    "At least you didn't look like someone painted a mask on your face plates, I looked hideous fragging human." Wheeljack snarled.

    Optimus made an angry sound, while his intakes vented in chaos.

    "There was no mourning either he made us look cold, and he made you look so cruel Optimus." Bee said.

    "At least you didn't look like a limesicle or a tic tac." mumbled Ratchet.

    "Well let's get on with this..." Mirage remarked.

    (Michael Bay's residence)

    The Autobots and Decepticons scanned his home, and found the irritating human was not home.

    "Now what...?" Megatron snarled.

    They heard a vehicle suddenly; they waited until the human came into the room. He wasn't alone.

    "He jumps human femmes like petro – rabbits..." Ratchet mumbled as Sunstreaker and Sideswipe chuckled. "And don't you two start, you two are just as bad." Ratchet grumbled.

    "Sunny did it not me!" Sides remarked.

    "You're just jealous, because I am prettier then you." Sunny snapped, crossing his servos over his chest plates.

    Ratchet and Optimus were ignoring the twins, as they were distracted by the humans talking rather loud. Ratchet glanced at Optimus when they heard the different conversations.

    "That femme is trying to convince him, the sparkling inside of her is his. My scans have shown the sparkling is not his growing inside of her." Ratchet said.

    "Then it is your duty as a medic to tell him." Optimus remarked.

    Optimus tried to be stealthy opening the door, but his size and strength he just destroyed it. Michael was startled, but use to it; after all they showed up before.

    The femme with him was not so lucky, she screamed bloody murder.

    "They are real you never said anything about them being real!" she screeched.

    Michael walked to the window, which was now a massive hole.

    "I believe Ratchet needs to tell you something, Mr. Bay." Optimus remarked.

    "That femme is not carrying your sparkling, the DNA does not match." Ratchet remarked, as the blonde went to open her mouth, but shut it when Ratchet shushed her. "We are advanced life forms you cannot lie with us around." Ratchet remarked.

    "Get out, now; and try your lies with someone else." Michael snapped, the blonde huffed, and ran out of there so fast it made his head spin.

    "Wow, she took off so fast it almost made my head spin around on my shoulders." Michael said with a chuckle.

    "Mr. Bay, it is highly impossible for your species to spin your heads; you'd be having a grisly offlining." Ratchet remarked dryly.

    "Okay, well I was just using a phrase, but never mind; so what can I do for you guys?" he asked.

    "We thought you weren't going to make that third movie about us." Sideswipe remarked.

    "No, I never said that, I said it would be my last movie. It's racking in the bucks too, the fans love it." he mused.

    Optimus sighed.

    "You made me look evil and cold; we have no war now we settled our differences. I would never have killed my brother had he made an offer of a truce. You made Sentinel out to be evil, and treated my men like... they aren't mourned when they offline. You should have made Ironhide go out cannons blazing taking out enemies with him. That was inexcusable." Optimus snarled.

    "You made me have half a face, what the slag is wrong with you?" Megatron growled.

    "I looked like a slagging limesicle!" Ratchet remarked.

    Ironhide reached in picking up the director by his shirt.

    "Should I be afraid?" Michael asked looking at Optimus.

    "You need to show us the right way, Bay..." Megatron retorted.

    "The great Starscream would never be taken out by a runt of a human." Starscream mused.

    Sunstreaker pushed past his twin, he glared at the human.

    "Why wasn't I in your slagging movies, you put my brother in your two movies but not me! I am so much prettier then Sides, I mean hello, who can resist my face plates?" Sunny retorted.

    Ironhide's cannons twitched, he was getting edgy.

    "I need to blow something up..." Ironhide snarled.

    "Not anything here you can't..." Bay remarked.

    Ironhide looked at each of his cannons, and then back at Bay.

    "Boys, he's trying to deny you, I could always use you for target practice." Ironhide mused.

    "No, no, no, that's not necessary I see your point." Bay finally said nervously.

    Ironhide shoved the one cannon in front of Bay, which made him scream.

    "He screams like a human femme make it stop!" Starscream snarled.

    Suddenly all the Bots and Con started to sniff the air, Bay looking slightly embarrassed at that moment.

    "What is that slagging smell?" Megatron and Optimus demanded.

    "Ah yeah, that would be me." Michael said meekly.

    Silence...

    "You reek human, what's wrong with you?" Sunny snapped.

    Silence...

    "Well, answer human called Michael Bay." Optimus demanded.

    "I had to use the bathroom before, and well when Ironhide shoved his cannon in my face..." he trailed off trying not to lose the last of his dignity.

    "That is gross, someone take him!" Ironhide mumbled.

    "Slag no, I ain't taking him; you take him." Sunny snapped.

    "I ain't taking him..." one of the Cons said.

    "Oh for Primus sake just put him down." Optimus grumbled taking the human and placing him back into the house.

    Silence...

    "Thank you..." Bay whispered.

    "Do we have an understanding no more making us look like cruel creatures; we are peaceful sentient beings." Optimus remarked.

    Sunny cackled then.

    "What is it, Sunny?" Megatron asked.

    "We are peaceful sentient beings who made him shit himself." Sunny laughed, as all the Cybertronians started to laugh.

    Michael of course wanted to crawl under a rock and die of embarrassment.

    "The very thing that is making me millions, just made me lose all my dignity all in one night." he mumbled, as he looked at all the robots sliding to the ground in hysterics including Optimus and Megatron.

    What a night...
     
  4. OptimussSTAR

    OptimussSTAR Well-Known Member

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    Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers; this is only for fun...

    Summary: Optimus Prime and Megatron visit Michael Bay in hopes of stopping his next movie, Optimus makes a split second humorous decision to handle it.

    Title: Mr. Bay, we did ask nicely

    On an abandoned airfield, several vehicles are there a flamed Peterbilt, black Topkick, and Rescue Hummer along with some other vehicles that were approaching. Without warning, the vehicles split apart, gears whirls and snapping into place forming the familiar forms of Optimus Prime, Ratchet, Ironhide, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, Megatron and Starscream. They turned to see Bumblebee and Barricade approaching, they suddenly broke apart forming their familiar forms as well.

    "What did you two find out?" Optimus asked.

    "It's true; he is making another movie, after you told him not too. We don't know what the movie will center on, but he is disobeying you AGAIN," Bumblebee said.

    Optimus leaned back, his optics narrowing, his denta gritting angrily. Oh how this human, was grating on his last circuit; he would have to deal with the irritating human once more.

    Megatron leaned in, his servo moving toward his brother's shoulder armor.

    "Are you well, brother?" Megatron asked him suddenly.

    "No, but I will be after, I put an end to this slagging movie," he said.

    "Yeah, before he makes us look like idiots again," Sideswipe said.

    "Yeah, there seems to be talk, on that fan fiction site; that he is going to kill you off Optimus; and replace you with Hot Rod," Sunstreaker said in a snarl.

    "Hot Rod went evil everyone knows that, why the slag doesn't this human know that? He is quite annoying, he made me out like some evil Autobot, killing my brother after he asked for a truce," Optimus snarled.

    Split silence, and then Optimus gathers his thoughts.

    "Autobots stay here with the Megatron's troops, Megatron come with me," Optimus ordered.

    "Did you just order me around, Optimus?" Megatron asked.

    Awkward silence, while Optimus transformed.

    "I distinctively heard the command in your voice pattern, you just ordered your older brother namely ME around," Megatron remarked sourly.

    "Calm down, Megatron, I am not in the mood for your tude," Optimus said dryly.

    "Well excuse the slag right out of me, he is not in the mood for my tude," Megatron retorted, as Optimus snorted at that.

    "MEGATRON, do as I say, please," Optimus replied.

    "Very well, I shall act in accordance with your request," Megatron said, while Optimus couldn't help but snicker.

    "What was that, Optimus?" Megatron demanded.

    "Nothing, brother," Optimus said trying to hold back his amusement.

    "You are such a flame brat, do you know that?" Megatron remarked, while the Autobot commander could not help, but chuckle at his brother's expense.

    "Yes, I know," Optimus remarked.

    Megatron merely grumbled, but followed him regardless. The drove up to where Michael Bay lived. They transformed heading for the back of the mansion, they found him lounging by his pool with another human femme.

    "Michael Bay, we need to talk, NOW," Optimus ordered.

    The human femme took her sunglasses off, her eyes following the massive heights of both Cybertronians. She opened her mouth, the loud scream that escaped her mouth annoyed Optimus and Megatron greatly.

    "Please tell your femme, to cease that disturbing sound," Megatron snarled.

    Bay sighed, and went to say something to her, but she screamed even louder.

    "You never said they were real, I am leaving," she screamed running back to the house.

    "Skittish little femme, isn't she?" Megatron asked.

    "Why do you bots keep scaring my dates away, this is not a good thing?" Bay grumbled.

    Optimus slammed his fist down onto the ground, his optics flaring anger shining in his azure optics.

    "You will cease speaking, unless your voice box is required to answer a question. Is this understood?" Optimus demanded.

    There was an awkward silence at that point, causing Optimus to roll his optics in annoyance.

    "Answer, now," Optimus snarled.

    "Okay yes, I understand," Bay replied.

    Optimus bent down to look Bay in the eyes, the look in Optimus' optics was not happy or friendly. Michael bay gulped back a gasp; he suddenly had a very bad feeling about this visit.

    "We asked you politely, to stop these infernal movies, I do not care if they make you green paper to get more material things. You make a mockery of us, and make yourselves rich over our past war which cost countless lives," Optimus growled.

    "Perhaps the misled insects of this world enjoy watching other species suffering, but we do not appreciate it at all." Megatron snarled.

    "Look, I cannot just stop, I signed a contract," Bay said.

    "Did he just speak?" Optimus asked in a snarky tone. "Because I could have sworn, that I distinctly told him not to speak unless spoken too and asked to speak," Optimus said in a growl.

    "Sorry," Bay whispered.

    "He did it again, can you believe it?" Megatron asked.

    Optimus moved in, pushing his face right up against Bay's.

    "You will stop this movie at once, won't you?" Optimus demanded.

    Bay went to open his mouth, then looked at Optimus, and the leader nodded giving him permission to speak.

    "I can't just stop I have a contract, as I stated before I am sorry but I can't listen to you Optimus Prime," he said. "Besides you really need to loosen up or I will kill you character off in the movie," he laughed, as he looked at Optimus finding the Autobot not amused by his words at all.

    "You robots are just no fun sometimes, no fun at all," Bay grumbled.

    "We're good enough to slander, and make that green paper for though, aren't we?" Optimus snarled slamming his fist down, but not watching where he slammed it down at.

    There was a sudden painful scream, and then nothing more.

    "Oh slag, my bad," Optimus mumbled.

    "Serves him right," Megatron said.

    "We better go," Optimus replied, wiping his hand off.

    Megatron found it slightly funny, that his brother's anger did away with the irritating little fleshie.

    "Speak of this to no one," Optimus warned, as they headed back.

    (A little while later, back with the others)

    The second they transformed, and were with the others, Megatron laughed.

    "Optimus killed the fleshie, though it was by accident," he stated.

    Optimus whirled around, his optics flaring angrily.

    "I told you not to say anything, it was an accident!" Optimus roared. "Now everyone head back to the Ark we are leaving!" he ordered.

    He whirled on Megatron.

    "And YOU behave yourself or so help me I will rip you a new face, do we understand each other?" he demanded.

    Megatron fell silent.

    "Sorry," Megatron replied.

    "Damn straight," Optimus said.

    "He's scary, when he is angry," Sideswipe said.

    "Yea he is, bot, got that right," Barricade said. "But I like scary, hey Optimus wait up," Barricade said as he ran after the Prime.

    Megatron rolled his optics then; he was slagging surrounding by crazy bots. However it was true never ever anger Optimus Prime, unless you want a repeat of what happened too Michael Bay.
     
  5. LegoShokwave123

    LegoShokwave123 YOU CLOD!!!

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    :lolol :lolol 
     

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