When God rested on the seventh day in Genesis, Chuck Norris kept going.

Chuck Norris doesn't blow out candles on his birthday cake, he blinks them out.

 

These Chuck Norris statements have gotten older than the Egyptian Pyramids.

 

So why don't you recommend something new that's just as funny?

 

These things are funny, I laughed, but it old when it's one person. I like the Mr T. one. They should have these jokes to go back and forth like "yo mama" bags.

 

Chuck Norris can eat a mixed-up Rubiks Cube and crap it out solved.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep...he waits.

When Chuck Norris goes to the beach he doesn't wear sun block... the sun wears Chuck Norris Block.

Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

 

this.

 

I always have to chuckle when people bitch about stuff like this being old or past it's time. Based on that logic nobody should ever discuss Shakespeare, Beowulf, Airwolf, or pretty much anything that predates the current week.

By the way, Chuck Norris actually is Shakespeare who built a time machine to go back and write Beowulf and then, no longer satisfied with writing, traveled into the future to pilot the indestructable chopper known as Airwolf.

 

Chuck Norris can post "this" in response to ANY thread, and no one will wonder why he used such a lame generic comment...

 

The rubik's cube one is LOL worthy! xD

Same thing could be said about Fort Max! Chuck Norris is so godly, he ate Fort Max in robot mode, and shat out the city mode!

 

Chuck norris ate MP megatron in robot mode and shit him out in gun mode, (where megatron fired @ norris, norris shot it away with a blink.The chuck norris ate Mp megs again and the shat him out as nemesis prime)

 

Chuck Norris ate MP Megatron in robot mode and shat him out in his alt mode. His G2 tank alt mode.

Someone once told Chuck Norris that the roundhouse kick isn't the best way to kick someone. Scientists now recognise this as the stupidest thing ever said to anyone.

This quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris.Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.

 

Chuck Norris ate Monopoly and shit out Connect four.

 

^ Going off of that, Chuck Norris won a game of Connect Four in three turns.

 

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Except Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.

 

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

 

ICP FTW

Edit: WTF, I can't only type a phrase in caps when they're initials...weird?

Edit Edited: Guess it works if it's mixed in with proper capitalization...

 

Nuff said

 

I wondered if anyone would get that.  

 

Not sure how many of you have tried this, but try typing in "find Chuck Norris" on Google, then press the "I'm feeling lucky" button. See what happens!