Chuck Norris Jokes

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Haloid1177, Jun 7, 2009.

  1. Haloid1177

    Haloid1177 Hey, That's Pretty Good TFW2005 Supporter

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    Post some Chuck Norris jokes you've heard. I'm obssessed with these, so it's just to find ones I haven't heard. I'll start.

    Chuck Norris uses Tabasco for eye drops.

    When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down.

    Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.
     
  2. smkspy

    smkspy is one nice fucking kitty

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    Chuck Norris says, "Welcome to 2005. That's when my jokes were funny."
     
  3. Macross7

    Macross7 Well-Known Member

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    Godzilla challenged King Kong to an arm wrestling contest...Chuck Norris won.

    When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks under the bed for Chuck Norris.

    Beneath Chuck Norris' beard is another fist.
     
  4. Optimus Sledge

    Optimus Sledge Yar har fiddle di dee

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    When children go to bed, they wear Superman pajamas. When Superman goes to bed, he wears Chuck Norris Pajamas.

    Oh, did you know Mr. T isn't actually black? Turns out the sun is afraid to shine on him.
     
  5. deltaprime

    deltaprime The Christian Transfan

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    Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident and still managed to walk it off.
    Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin he built himself.
     
  6. Haloid1177

    Haloid1177 Hey, That's Pretty Good TFW2005 Supporter

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    Hadn't heard that one before. Hilarious!
     
  7. grimlock1972

    grimlock1972 "No Mas" My Wallet

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    When Chuck norris goes to bed he doesn't check his closet for the boogeyman , the boogeyman check's his closet for Chuck Norris
     
  8. darkmgmstr

    darkmgmstr Blue Lantern Corps Member

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    There is no such thing as a lesbian, only women who haven't met Chuck Norris.

    Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
     
  9. Tommybg2003

    Tommybg2003 Well-Known Member

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    that one has always made me laugh
     
  10. Turbocharger

    Turbocharger We should get more letter

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    Chuck Norris jokes became stale when Family Guy referenced them.

    In fact I think they probably were old before that even.

    By the way, if you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
     
  11. Malikon

    Malikon Well-Known Member

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    Chuck Norris doesn't pee his name in the snow, he does it in concrete.
     
  12. kidnicky

    kidnicky Well-Known Member

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    How is this still funny?
     
  13. grimlockams prime

    grimlockams prime Check you feet

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    If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever
    Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
    Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
     
  14. Dinobot Nuva

    Dinobot Nuva Johnny 3 Tears Veteran

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    Chuck Norris.


    Get it?
     
  15. Mega-con

    Mega-con Autocon

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    People laugh. That's usually a tell-tale sign. Just saying.
     
  16. Poho

    Poho That's MISTER Poho to you

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    excellent.
     
  17. lars573

    lars573 Well-Known Member

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    I have 4 favorite ones.

    The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

    Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.


    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

    Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
     
  18. shibamura_prime

    shibamura_prime Jumpin' Jellyfish! Super Mod

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    Thread over.
     
  19. eyeballkid

    eyeballkid Old

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    I am honestly suprised that Chuck Norris hasn't closed this thread....merely by thinking about it.
     
  20. eyeballkid

    eyeballkid Old

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    Everytime you lose a Transformer weapon, Chuck Norris gains one.
     

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