Bullying...

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Alucard77, Sep 12, 2012.

  1. Alucard77

    Alucard77 Kaon Gladiator Champion

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    Ok, so this is going to be an interesting thread as I am going to come from a completely different angle on this.

    Personally I was bullied for 2 years of my life. While bullying by no means is fun, the question I have to ask is, does the experience make you a stronger better person?

    In my case it definitely did. I also had bullied others, but not to a drastic extent. But there was one kid I did ride hard. When he was 21 he told me how much he had hated me. So I got to talking to him, and started asking him questions if he remembered how annoying he was, how he always fucked with people and thought he was funny. Sure he hadn't come into his own, but the bullying forced him to stop being who he was. In the end he also admitted that the bullying made he thicker skinned and because of it came out to be a stronger person that can coupe with more stuff in life.

    With all this talk of doing away with bullying, I wonder, is there a good part of bullying. Obviously it hurts kids and some kids can't cope with it. But others become really strong people. Maybe it was just those who I am exposed to, but every person I know that was bullied has become a stronger person because of it. I know both the bullies and those who got bullied. Those that were the bullies, at least in my cases, are worse off then the others.

    So the question is, while trying to create this perfect safe word, are we really messing with it. I have a son, and I know how hard it would be if he got bullied. But I also know the rewards of conquering such things. So just trying to see what people think. Like I said, this can be interesting.
     
  2. Chaos Muffin

    Chaos Muffin Misadventure Veteran

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    I feel like every young boy has the bully battle that they need to sort out for themselves.

    They have to learn to stand up for themselves at a certain point, and that moment makes them stronger. If we don't face our fears, we will live in it. Ratting a bully out will just get you beat up more lol.
    Too many pussies with guns these days, kids are scared to take an ass beating anymore.
     
  3. Bountyan

    Bountyan Well-Known Member

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    I don't remember being bullied much in school. In fact, when I was a young child, I think I was a bully myself. I remember stepping on this kid's sand castle to purposely piss him off and I tried to push this kid off the play set in Kindergarten. Pretty much stopped after that though.
     
  4. Fallout

    Fallout Well-Known Member

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    i hate all this "don't fight back or you're liable as well, tell the nearest adult" bullshit. if the kid pulls out a weapon or something, sure, run like fuck but if you get called a nerd or get tripped in the hallway or something like that don't run crying.
     
  5. EmperorDinobot

    EmperorDinobot I claim your sun!

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    My ex bullied me, used me and abused me for 4 years of my life. He still does it. Yet he is a high ranking student officer at his college and everybody loves him. How do I show people that he is a psychopath and a dangerous person?
     
  6. Chaos Muffin

    Chaos Muffin Misadventure Veteran

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    Spycam. Proof is the best way. Then youtube that mofo.
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2012
  7. Aernaroth

    Aernaroth <b><font color=blue>I voted for Super_Megatron and Veteran

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    But at the same time, does being bullied make you a better person? I don't think so, at least not unequivocally. I've seen people become vindictive, petty, callous, and abusive themselves because they were bullied. You yourself admit that you bullied someone else, after you had been bullied, OP.

    Bullying is like any other personal adversity, it can better us, if we can rise to the challenge, but at the same time, it's an emotional trauma no one deserves to have to go through. These traumatic effects can leave a person with personal issues that stay with them for a long, long time.

    Using the OP as an example again, think back to those 2 years you were bullied, OP. Did you like how it felt? Do you think you deserved it? Do you think others deserve to go through the same kind of suffering? Does your son deserve that? I'm asking these questions because you mention later that you bullied others, and were then confronted by them for the bullshit you put them through. And then rather than say "whoa, shit, I intentionally inflicted suffering on another human being on an ongoing basis because I didn't like his sense of humor", you tried to turn it around and get him to essentially thank you for the trouble.

    Would you thank the person who bullied you?
     
  8. Alucard77

    Alucard77 Kaon Gladiator Champion

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    Yup, spy cam. Also, that is not bullying that is abuse.
     
  9. Alucard77

    Alucard77 Kaon Gladiator Champion

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    Personally I was bullied by 5-10 kids in JHS cause I was the new kid. Did I suffer through that time, I did. But I made good real friends. I was a great judge of character very quickly. Then I learned to stick up for myself, to have self worth when people are questioning your self worth.

    So would I change that point in my life, never. Did it put an edge on me, yes, yes it did, but that edge got me to where I am now.

    As for my bullying, it wasn't excessive, but it was insulting. I didn't traumatized the kid, but I made it uncomfortable for him. I shared my story with him and he said he saw my point. He became a really awesome person. I am not taking credit for that, but he did say the same thing, that no one would ever take anything away from him.

    Like I said this is not an easy topic. I grew up in the inner city in NY. Life wasn't easy, but the people who I saw that had it the hardest are also the most successful now.
     
  10. EmperorDinobot

    EmperorDinobot I claim your sun!

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    It won't work. He lives in another state, and he makes me end up looking like I'm crazy. Maybe I am, but 4 years of that abuse does take a toll on your head. Most of the abuse is by phone, which I foolishly continue to pick up because I someday hope to hear him as a different, kinder person who is ready to pay me back and love me for real.

    Maybe I'm just being stupid, but I'm likely going to be alone for the rest of my life because of what he did.
     
  11. Aernaroth

    Aernaroth <b><font color=blue>I voted for Super_Megatron and Veteran

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    Does he STILL abuse you? Don't show people that he's abusing you, show the fucking police. Document his harassment and abuse of you (even if it's just writing down what he says to you), and take it to the cops or to the courts for a restraining order, because (assuming you're an adult) it's a criminal offense at that age. I know it's a difficult thing to do, but I'm sorry, abusers are unlikely to change their behavior and people aren't very quick to accept people they know (and like) are abusers, even in the face of evidence. You can probably tell them your side of things, but abusers are very good at seeming perfectly normal to people besides their victims.

    I have to ask though, why does he still have the opportunity? Is there a way you can cut him out of your life completely? If he calls, don't answer. He's not going to change his ways until he has his "moment of clarity" or whatever, and frankly, if he is calling to beg your forgiveness, you're under no obligation to indulge him. He is trying to maintain control over you, to manipulate your feelings or whatever to achieve what he wants from you. Don't give him the chance. Block his number and whatever email addresses / online contacts he uses. He may end up trying to contact you through other means, ignore him completely. He may try contacting you through other people. Tell them to do the same, and add their interactions to the case you build against him. Do not give him any sort of response or attention whatsoever, except through the police.


    I disagree that trying to combat bullying as a concept makes the world "too safe", or messes with the natural order of things (unless you mean natural order in a Darwinist sense). Adversity builds character, but there's unlikely to ever be any shortage of adversity in this world, even without bullying. But do we want our kids, the ones who become bullies, to grow up thinking it's okay to pick on weaker people than themselves, or to inflict pain for amusement or social status? To me, bullying represents a set of values that are just another set of unacceptable habits we need to break children of so they can be functional, moral adults.
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2012
  12. process

    process Hanlon's razor Veteran

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    I think it's a mistake to accept it just because some people benefit from it. You can learn confidence without having to overcome that shitty situation. I think it goes along the same lines as learning how to be safe with guns without having to be shot by one.

    When I was a kid, I was on both sides of it, and it was stupid in retrospect. Fortunately by the time I reached highschool, from my perspective, bullying became a complete non-issue.

    Not to mention that being able to diffuse a confrontation is actually a useful adult skill.
     
  13. EmperorDinobot

    EmperorDinobot I claim your sun!

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    He's reduced me to a weakling. I used to be strong, never let people push me around, took charge of things. But I got badly stung and I, the once Great Emperor Dinobot has been defeated.

    I'm actually more afraid that he'll get an order against me, just to put icing in the cake. To rip my soul further, then he'll continue to abuse me psychologically. See it's not abuse you can see. I'm his punching bag, and I....still love him despite everything.

    It's really...complicated. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.
     
  14. Alucard77

    Alucard77 Kaon Gladiator Champion

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    I agree with this.

    My concern is the whole eliminating bullying from our society as a whole. The whole, report the bully so they can get arrested. It is this wild over reaction to it.

    All I am saying, in a twisted way, sometimes the people that get pushed the hardest do the most in return. Sometimes every kid getting a trophy and no one ever having an issue is nice, but doesn't create strong adults.

    School doesn't teach that type of stuff. With sports giving trophies for getting to the game, you don't get it there either. So while I am taking the devils advocate role, I do wonder where our kids challenges will come from.
     
  15. Chaos Muffin

    Chaos Muffin Misadventure Veteran

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    Some women like abuse, the pain makes them feel alive. They still don't deserve it though and should'nt settle for it.

    He sounds like the manipulative type ,, that can control your ego.
     
  16. Kickback

    Kickback Proud father Administrator Super Mod News Staff

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    Times change.

    I'm 31 tomorrow (yay), and when I was a kid, bullying was part of crossing over from "little kid who likes little kid stuff" to "being your own person, a young adult". It sucked. I hated my life for a time. Even thought about suicide because I didn't fit in. I still don't fit in with a lot of cliques these days - not because I'm socially awkward, but because I'm my own person, with my own sense of humor and my own ideas of what's fun versus what isn't, and if you want to be around me and enjoy it, more power to you. If not, your loss.

    All kids are being taught today is that someone else will take care of the things that trouble you. We're creating a society based on needs and wants instead of do-it-yourself-ers. Don't want to work? Welfare and food stamps! Don't want to pay your bills? Bankruptcy! Someone picks on you? Tell someone to take care of it.

    Dangerous transitional time right now in society. But kids aren't kids anymore .. they grow up way too fast, start taking for granted the little things in life you're supposed to enjoy. Kids try so hard to grow up so fast that they miss out on very important stages of growing up, and you end up with the real tragedy - a bunch of young adults who believe they're entitled to anything and everything, have an over-abundant amount of self-worth, with little to no skill or education because no one wanted them to have hurt feelings or to feel ashamed of what they couldn't do, not because they lacked the ability, but because they didn't want to or they just weren't good enough.

    When I was growing up, you didn't make the team if you weren't good enough. Now everyone makes the team, regardless of how good or bad you are.
     
  17. Aernaroth

    Aernaroth <b><font color=blue>I voted for Super_Megatron and Veteran

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    Consider therapy. Seriously. It sounds as if he has inflicted severe emotional trauma on you, if you honestly feel this way about yourself. A professional can help you work through this stuff, and get you back to a better place in your life. You don't have to feel this way, you deserve to be happy and you deserve to have good relationships in your life. Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical or sexual abuse, and can have impacts that are just as painful and far-reaching. You don't need to diminish yourself or what you feel. Whatever he said, or did to you, it does not have to be permanent and he was not right. Above all else, IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.

    You can love someone while accepting they can't be a part of your life and severing contact, and you deserve to love someone, and be with someone, who loves you back.
     
  18. Alucard77

    Alucard77 Kaon Gladiator Champion

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    No, it's good that you have, because you are being abused. At the very least, go to counseling. What I talking about and what you are talking about is completely different.

    Please see someone and make a break.
     
  19. Alucard77

    Alucard77 Kaon Gladiator Champion

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    It is very fresh at this point. The question I have for you, do you feel like you need these type of people in your life now?

    Do you feel like you can survive without those people?
     
  20. Aernaroth

    Aernaroth <b><font color=blue>I voted for Super_Megatron and Veteran

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    Additionally, what's keeping you from making new "friends" who don't act like a pack of assholes on a seemingly regular basis, and then leaving these guys in the dust?
     

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