Babel - or - this movie is so bad even full on beaver shots couldn't save it.

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Dark_Convoy, Nov 12, 2006.

  1. Dark_Convoy

    Dark_Convoy Old Bastard Veteran

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    -SPOILERS- (not that you should care)











    So, yesterday was my wife and I's 11th wedding anniversary, and she said she wanted to see this new movie with Brad Pit in it, "Babel".

    The synopsis sounded good enough, I'm not going to go over it because I'm about to go in depth about the movie, it you want a synopsis, go google it. My hope is is to keep others from wasting their time and money on this movie.

    So what's it about - let's see:

    First of all let me add that 90% of the film is subtitled, we are treated to Moroccan, sign language, Japaneses, and Spanish throughout the course of the film... ugh yay?

    Somewhere out in the deserts of Morraco a goat farmer buys a rifle from some guy, he gives it to his sons so they can shoot jackals, he has two sons, the younger of the two likes to spy on his sister undressing then jacks off about it - the older brother is all pissed at him about it, and even more pissed about the fact the the sister likes it when the younger brother watches her (yeah - I know - WHAT THE FUCK???) anyway, the boys are acting like idiots with the rifle and decide to see if it can really hit a target at 3 kilometers like the guy who sold it to them said.

    So what do they do?

    They climb up on a mountain and start shooting at cars, the younger pervy, jack off about his sister brother is a better shot and hits a bus full of tourist.

    They freak out and run.

    Meanwhile back in the US there's this Mexican nanny who gets a phone call from the father of the children she takes care of - basically they won't be back in time so she can go to her son's wedding. So, what does she do?

    She takes the kids over the border to Mexico with her and much fun ensues.

    Meanwhile in Japan the deaf-mute schoolgirl can't get laid and gets made fun of by some boys, so she flashes her beaver at them - I was surprised to see a full on "lips and all" beaver shot, but the shock wore off pretty quick, and then they threw in another bush shot for good measure.

    The poor girl is so desperate that she even rams the dentist's hand into her crotch while he's looking at her mouth.

    Oh... the cops are looking for her dad too, something about her mother committing suicide and the cops thinking he killed her, the desperate horny deaf girl thinks one of the cops is cute...

    Back in Morraco Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett are obviously having martial problems as they sit at an open air restaurant, then they are on a tour bus acting all hurt towards one another when SURPRISE!!! A bullet comes through the window and pierces her shoulder.

    So now we start flashing back and forth between the four stories that are going on and I don't quite remember what is shown in what order, but it goes like this:

    The Mexican nanny and her drunk nephew with the two kids in tow cross back into the US in the middle of the night and get into a bunch of trouble at the border, the nephew bolts and starts a high speed chase then leaves the nanny and the kids in the middle of the desert, then in the morning the nanny leaves the kids alone to find help where she is picked up by the border patrol who then finds the children, and promptly deports her back to Mexico for working illegally in the US.

    Back in Morraco the cops find the guy who owned the rifle in the first place and beat the shit out of him as he tells him he sold it. He said he originally got the rifle from a Japanese game hunter.

    The cops go looking for the guy he sold it to, and before the cops get there the boys tell their dad that they are the ones who shot the tour bus, the news was saying terrorists did it - the older brother tells his father his younger brother fired the shot - and that the younger brother spies on his sister and she lets him and she is is whore.

    The dad smacks the shit out of all his kids, then he and the boys take off, leaving the mother and sister, the cops catch up with them, a shootout ensues and the older brother is killed before the younger brother finally turns himself over to the cops.

    Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett have a bunch of bonding moments as she lies in pain in a dark room and Brad goes through a bunch of shit - first he fights with the other tourists because they want to leave - and they finally do, then he fights with the cops because they can't get an ambulance, then he argues with the American embassy about getting a helicopter - Cate gets stitches without anesthesia, smokes some funky Moroccan weed, and pees on herself at one point, her and Brad work out their differences stemming from a child they lost to SIDS. Brad shows the guy helping him a picture of his kids, who -you guessed it- are the kids who were with the Mexican nanny.

    They finally get a helicopter that takes them to a Casablanca hospital where they are greeted by the media who still thinks terrorists had something to do with it even though Moroccan officials say it was simply a random crime - Cate has surgery and is OK, at one point Brad calls and tells his Nanny (GASP!!!) that he won't be home in time for her to go to her son's wedding.

    In Japan the deaf-mute horny girl's latest attempt to get laid is with a teenage boy who gives her some kind of pills and whiskey, only to end up making out with the girl's friend, so she runs home and calls the cop who said he wanted to talk to her dad.

    The cop shows up and she tells a sob story about how she saw her mom jump off the balcony (they live on the 30th floor) and the cop tells her that that's not what he wanted to talk to her dad about, he says a rifle registered in her father's name was used in a crime, and then we see -GASP!!!- animal heads on the wall and a picture of her dad with the guy who sold the rifle in the beginning of the movie (I think the Moroccan guy showed the same picture to the cops earlier).

    So the cop gets ready to leave only to have the girl walk out of the room and return fully naked, again giving us a look at her "hairy monster" as well as lingering shots rest of her body (which looks like a skeleton with boobs), she grabs the cop's hand and thrusts it onto her breast, the cop is all like "no, your just a kid." and then she falls into him sobbing, creepy deaf person sobbing, this scene was easily the most uncomfortable of the move (even more uncomfortable than the Moroccan kid jacking off about his sister).

    So, the cop leaves and runs into the girl's dad in the building's lobby, he says his daughter told him about how her mom jumped off the balcony, he says, "No my wife shot herself in the head, and my daughter was the one who found her - why won't you people leave me alone about it."

    The cop tells him that that's not what he wanted to talk to him about and tells him about how his gun was involved in a crime and that he might need to ask him more questions later.

    The Japanese guy is all like, "Ah yes, I gave that gun to my hunting guide in Morocco" - bla bla bla

    He goes up to his apartment to find his daughter standing fully nude on the balcony where we get more lingering shots of her less than aesthetically pleasing body, she falls into her fathers arms sobbing - the end

    So... don't waste your time on this movie, unless your bored out of your skull on a Sunday afternoon after it's out on DVD, hell maybe not even then, it's full of slow motion lingering pointless crap - the story in it's self was good enough but the film feels like it was trying to hard to be "artsy" - like it was forced.

    Now I need to go watch a movie with lots of shit blowing up to get the bad taste out of my mouth...
     
  2. Ktulu

    Ktulu Whoosh TFW2005 Supporter

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    Tried too hard with it eh? Ah well, at least they did try. I'm tired of all the phoned in movies these days.

    Still, sorry you didn't like.
     
  3. Predaking

    Predaking Well-Known Member

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    Full beaver shot? This I gonna go see!!!!

    j/k sounds like a real bore. Does your wife share your view on the movie?
     
  4. TheIncredibleHulk

    TheIncredibleHulk Find Gary Busey!

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    Hell, I lost interest in it half way through your post
     
  5. AlphaPrime

    AlphaPrime Neo Autobot Commander

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    You had me with the beaver talk but yeah other then that meh sounding, and then ya said skeleton with boobs, thats worse, ya had to go and point something like that out*shudders at the thought* way too thin of girls give me the creeps, even japanese ones. heck i'm kinda desperate*23 year old virgin here, no wanna end up a 40 year old one, yet i do collect toys and play video games!!!!????!!, oh wait, i ain't got a job so not exactly like that character :p * but no way am i gonna do a total skin and bones girl :p 
     
  6. Random Autobot

    Random Autobot Soviet Kanukistani

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    Oh noes!!!11 subtitles AND a non linear plot!!!1
     
  7. Dark_Convoy

    Dark_Convoy Old Bastard Veteran

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    Two things that scream "pretentious"

    :p 
     
  8. Blunticon

    Blunticon The Oddjob

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    Very good review, but WTF!! I hope my girl doesnt want to see this..
     
  9. Rodimus Prime

    Rodimus Prime Sola Gratia, Sola Fide TFW2005 Supporter

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    Non linear plot that apparently resolves nothing about characters who seem utterly unlikable!

    That sounds really, really horrible DC. Next time you want to go see some flick your wife doesn't, just go "...Babel."
     
  10. Random Autobot

    Random Autobot Soviet Kanukistani

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    While non-linear plots can be a sign of pretentious film making, they are not always. I don't see at all how sub titles in a film can be a sign of pretension. Would you rather people from foreign nations be speaking english as a first language, even though it is clearly not, simply to make viewing easier for North American audiences? That smacks of unrealistic pandering.

    I haven't seen "Babel" so I cannot comment on the quality of the film, but I have seen the directors other two films (Amores Perros and 21 Grams) and enjoyed them immensely. He uses a similar non-linear style in those films, jumping back and forth through events that have already happened, events that will happen, and events currently happening, in order to tell the story from multiple characters points of view. "21 Grams" ties together beautifully, and includes stunning performances by the lead cast. I would reccommend checking it out, it might change your view of the director and his style.

    My understanding is that "Babel" is a film about civilizations unable to communicate with each other. Obviously it uses the story of the Tower of Babel as its jumping off point. I look forward to getting a chance to see it, but I'll be waiting for the DVD release. Not quite a film I feel NEEDS to be seen on a big screen to be enjoyed.
     
  11. rattrap007

    rattrap007 Insert witty comment here TFW2005 Supporter

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    Same here.. I got to the first part about the Mexican nanny and got bored already.. I never intended to see it and now know it was a wise choice..
     
  12. ambushbug74

    ambushbug74 Stroke me, Stroke me! TFW2005 Supporter

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    [​IMG]
     
  13. Dark_Convoy

    Dark_Convoy Old Bastard Veteran

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    I was being a smartass... I really had no problem with the non-linear story line or the subtitles, the direction isn't what killed it, hell the story in it's self was a good concept but it just simply was not entertaining to me in the least.

    There is really no reason to care about the characters or what happens to them, the story takes too long to develop, and they spend too much time on pointless crap.

    I fully understand the point they were making, but it doesn't make the film any better.
     

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