Found out wife and I are unable to have kids on our own (which is very devastating news) so we are now looking to adopt since we still want kids. Did some research online and it seems like a long and expensive process. For those who have adopted (particularly a newborn), if you don't mind sharing your experience...what to expect. And for those who were adopted, I'm interested to know how those adopted feel about being adopted. Cuz one of the things I think about is how my potentially adopted son or daughter would feel later when he/she finds out he/she is adopted.
Well I'm not adopted or have adopted, so I can't comment on that. However, my mother is adopted. Her opinion of it is, her real parents must have had a good reason to put her up for adoption and she had a good life(aka good parents) because of that decision, so she is okay with it. I wish u luck man and I think its cool that your going to adopt. Give a little shit(pun intended its a joke) a good home who otherwise wouldn't have one.
I am adopted, and it's one of the greatest blessings of my life. I couldn't have asked or dreamed of a better situation for my life because of it.
I can tell you from first hand experience, adopting a child thru the state is a giant cluster f*cking pain in the ass, but the reward is SSSOOOO worth it! And you will have to deal with issues that will push you as a parent and a human. We adopted our youngest son when he was four. The adoption went quick, but the baggage that came with him can be a toll at times. Some of the non newborns have gone thru so much in thier little lives, that it would break an adult. There may be some serious issues that creep up after adoption that you will have to deal with. They, the child, will push you, test you, aggrivate the hell out you, make you want to scream...... But.........its the most awesome thing in the world that first time they look at you and say "Can I have a hug dad?" And all the problems just go away. So, adopting a child will test you in ways you never thought you could be tested, but it is worth it!
My close friend was the same! She was adopted as a newborn and she is so crazy about her parents. She recently met her birth mum and her first reaction was that she really dodged a bullet (her birth mum is still a mess, living in public housing in and out of drug rehab programs etc). OP - I am sorry you are struggling with the challenges of sub-fertility, but know that families are made in all sorts of ways and your heart child will be such a wonderful addition to your lives! I don't have any practical advice but wanted to send you love and support! Good luck xxxx
This. This times a million. We tell our son that he is very much part of our family and he is 100% our son, he just came to us via a round about way. To which my wife was glad she didnt have to go thru labor!
Wish I could help with the process and I want it to succeed for you That being said I have two aquaintences who were adopted. One went into the air force, is a good parent, a good man who loves his family and just kicked cancers ass and all while maintaining his sanity and outlook on life. The other is a creative artist who is now in california working on films and art. Very nice guy who loves his family and appreciates having been adopted. Both had good moral upbringings and you'd be hard pressed to find kinder folks. I may adopt in the future (we've talked about having our own and adopting) because we believe everyone needs that proper chance. If the process is long just remember the end result is more for the kid then you. Showing a kid love and that they are wanted is one of the best gifts anyone can give IMO.
This makes me feel all warm and fuzzy! I see adopting and birthing a child as actually being very similar. In both scenarios we have the 'parents-to-be' fantasizing about their child, thinking about them, dreaming about them. Both scenarios have anxious 'soon-to-be-parents' wondering if they'll actually be GOOD parents and wondering if they can possibly express to their child all the love they have for them. They both wait for their child, anxiously and impatiently. Some babies grow in their mama's belly, and others grow in their heart - hence my term 'heart baby'. Good luck with your son! He sounds like he is right where he needs to be! Thank goodness you and your wife were there when he needed you most xxxx
Thanks Now if we can get the process done with the other one, we'll be golden. Whole thing with him has been going on close to 4 years now. He was with us for 2, went back to his parents for 2 years, and then ended back in the system and then back to us for almost 2 years now. So much BS. Its enough to make you want to pull your hair out, but my wife and I and his "brother" are in this till the end, for good or ill, we love the little booger too much.
My little sis is adopted. I was the youngest of 3 and when I was 16 my parents adopted her. We had a family meeting when she was about 2 whether/what to tell her, and how to go about it at a 2 year olds level. We decided as a family to tell her, that was a quick and unanimous decision. And decided to introduce the word 'adopted', and to let her know she was the most special family member of us all. Mom told her that she didn't come from her belly but was a 'miracle gift'. She's always been pretty stoked to be adopted. Now she's 20. She's met her bio-folks, and all remains good. If anything, that experience has cinched her relationship with Mom and Dad even tighter. And if / when I have kids, I'm totally for adoption every bit as much as having my own. It's a win-win situation really -- there's a kid out there who really needs a family, and there's a couple of parents who long to have a kid. It's a good arrangement.
are you adopting him through a foster/adopt program? I wish you guys all the luck in the world that the process speeds up and gets easier for you!
Yeah its thru the state. SO much red tape bs. His bio parents have multiple issues, which I cant discuss here, yet they were given multiple chances and fucked up everytime since they really didnt change. Plus you have weekly visits where the bio parents verge on outright lying about whats happening, DCF doing weekly visits on our home and then bitching at use because we didnt have plug covers on all the outlets (Really? the boys are 9 and 10. ), having to clear trips outside of the state with god damn paperwork, reporting every little boo boo they get for fear they we will get in trouble for non reporting issues, etc, etc, etc. But a day doesnt go by that I dont thank god those two boys are in my life and that makes all that crap a cake walk every day.
Yep it's totally the same especially the bit were the adopting mother endures 9 months of horrible pain, utterly wrecks her body in so many ways and then finally tops it all off by pushing a watermelon out of her vagina! Oh and then a little monster gnaws away at her nips every 3 hours resulting in bleeding cracked breasts of sadness.
Well, it's subjective lol. I loved being pregnant, I didn't feel like my body was wrecked, it changed for sure but 'wreck' would be a strong word and not one I would use. As for my delivery, well I had one c-section so no watermelon from the vagina there....however, I also had an empowering water birth and my son was only 5lbs so more like a rockmelon, haha. I get your point, but both 'processes' are special in their own way and I didn't say 'the same'. My point was that physical process aside, the emotions experienced are very similar and adoptive parents should still be able to feel a kinship with parents who have created their family through child-birth. No one parent is more entitled to that sense of 'family' simply because they have endured the rigours of pregnancy and childbirth. Being a parent isn't a privilege that can only be earned through a baptism of stretchmarks and episiotomies (and varicose veins, grazing, mastitis etc)
Yep! And get this. The best image I have burnt into my memory is seeing my son's naked body gliding through the water of the birthing pool and into my hands, just as I wanted. He was posterior (face up) and I could see his wide open eyes looking up through the water. Some things you don't forget! From that moment I would have fought a tiger with my bare hands to protect him.......i'd give him my heart if he needed it. I love him so much! xxxx
I work in the foster to adopt field; If you want to do a straight adoption, yes it is long and expensive. However, if you go the route of fostering to adopt, it can be long but the state covers the cost..
I'd some day like to adopt a kid or two. Only way I really see that happening with me being a single guy would be to win the lottery and becoming a stay at home dad. Anything else and I don't feel I could properly be a good parent. I want to be there anytime they need me, yet also teach them independence. I'd love to be a dad. I'd love to have a little guy around to raise up. If I were to adopt 1 kid I'd like to start at preschool age. I want the big dad experience of teaching him to ride a bike, swim, tie shoes, first day of school, etc. Not crazy about an infant though. I can see myself helping at his school, being an assistant coach in little leagues, etc. If he forgets he was adopted and rediscovers it as a tween or early teen, I'd talk to him about it. If he wants to try and track down his parents I'd help him the best I can. If I want to be a dad again to a little kid, I'd wait till he is 16 and get his opinion about adopting another kid. If he is cool with it, I'd involve him. It would be a joint decision. Second time around I probably go for a kids 6-8 years old. If I ever adopted yet another kid I would do the same with both older boys and get more of a tween age kid.
My cousin whom I love to death is adopted and one of my good friends is. I work with children and some have come threw my classes that have been. I think its wonderful to give a child a home and love. I would love to adopt myself some day I think.
