Anybody out there with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Quantum_Penguin, Mar 24, 2009.

  1. Quantum_Penguin

    Quantum_Penguin Be seeing you...

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    Okay, I'm game. In keeping with the recent trend of mental disorder threads...

    Do any of you out there have obsessive compulsive disorder (affectionately known as OCD) and/or its relative OCPD (no, not the Orange County Police Department, it means Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder)?

    A rough list of criteria for knowing if you have OCD:
    -You experience unwanted and intrusive thoughts without being able to control them (the obsessions) and these cause anxiety (you are terrified that some catastrophe will occur if you don't address them)

    -You attempt to negate such thoughts with a ritual act (i.e. hand washing, checking something repeatedly, thinking a good thought against a bad one) and this is disruptive of your daily life (the compulsions)

    -If you don't do the compulsion "just right" you have to do it over again

    -You realize at some point that the thoughts might not be real (i.e. your sense of reality is not distorted, you know right from wrong)

    -You don't want to do the compulsions but, despite attempts to resist the cycle of obsessions-compulsions, you get drawn back in by the thought that you could be wrong

    -Your symptoms may be conspicuous so you hide them from others and develop rationalizations to explain them away

    OCPD is similar but differs in that...
    -In general, you are extremely concerned with propriety (i.e. things being in their proper place, doing things in exactly the "right way")

    -You may be highly critical of yourself or others for not doing things right

    -You don't feel that the compulsive behaviors are harmful or wrong; you may actually consider them beneficial

    -Your concern with maintaining order disrupts other parts of your life
    ____________________________________________________________
    So far as I know I only have OCD. You might say that it's been my nemesis. I can trace almost all of the problems in my life to OCD as I've had symptoms since I was four years old (in 1989) and I wasn't diagnosed until I was 23 (February 2008). What's most vexing is the way it changes, adapting like a cold virus so that once you've gotten over a certain set of obsessions and compulsions, a new set will appear soon after and the novelty of the new set makes it hard to resist. You always ask yourself, "What if I'm wrong this time and something does happen?". Mind you, this happens no matter how ludicrous the content of the obsession.

    For example, when I was twelve I was afraid that rats and other small animals might get caught underneath where I was sitting or lying down. For three months I lost sleep pulling up my mattress by the corner to check if there was anything underneath me. And more than that, I had to scan the crease between the mattress and the bed frame as I lay it back down, just in case anything happened to scurry under there when I wasn't looking. I had to do this "just right", of course, or do it again and again. When my parents saw me lifting up couch cushions and looking under where I sat I claimed that I had lost something. That excuse kind of wore out after a while. Fortunately, this set faded over time, but it wasn't long before a new set appeared.

    But, probably the worst permutation of it has been my obsessions over socializing which started in my sophomore year of highschool and have been with me ever since. I don't have social anxiety but my OCD turns interacting with people into a sort of fatalistic exercise. No matter how well things go I always come away worrying that I've committed some terrible social blunder; that the other person was just being nice and I've really insulted them terribly. My mind can turn even the smallest thing into a horrible mistake that hounds me all day. Because of this I denied myself many of the normal socializing experiences that people have in their adolescence--getting a job, making more friends, dating--because I was too afraid of failure or rejection.

    I'm not making excuses for myself. It is possible to overcome the anxiety and live a full life. It is very true that the only thing I have to fear is "fear itself". In fact, I have never used it as an excuse to get out of something, even when it probably did affect my work. But it is very hard sometimes, and I have fallen into a soul crushing depression more than once as I struggled to keep myself afloat and obey the capricious little voice inside me that wants me to do things "just right" or else.

    Things have been getting better though. Since I was diagnosed and put on an SSRI (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor) called Lexapro my quality of life improved. Even before that, I forced myself to take a job at my college bookstore, I transferred to the University of California Santa Cruz (go SLUGS!), and I've been living on my own. I'm still bereft in the dating department, but at least it's not for lack of trying :thumb s. However, the therapy I've received (just talking about it helps) and the SSRI has made my life go from "moping along, barely functional" to "pretty enjoyable". My depression has all but subsided and I'm taking risks that I never would have when I was caught in the full swing of my disorder. Developing a sort of gallows humor about the obsessions, no matter the content, helps because it stymies the usual way that the obsessions get under your skin. If you think and act like it doesn't bother you, the anxiety will wash over you like water.

    So, are any of you out there worried about germs everywhere? Do you wash your hands raw for fear of being contaminated or contaminating someone else? Or do you dry your hands like bone afraid that by leaving a droplet of water on the light switch you will electrocute someone else (this is one of mine BTW)? Have you ever worried that you ran someone over (despite somehow missing it when it "happened") and driven back to check for a body? Have you ever been afraid of hurting yourself or others but been at a loss as to why you would do such a thing? Do you constantly worry that your Autobot to Decepticon ratio is unbalanced (another one of mine)? Do you hide these things from others for fear that you are going crazy?

    If so, you aren't crazy. You know the difference between right and wrong. In fact, the problem might be that you know it too well and that you constantly worry that you aren't doing right. You aren't alone. You aren't beyond help. You alone have the power to lift yourself by your own bootstraps and get out of the rut. Start thinking positive. Have compassion for yourself (because the obsessions won't). Talk to someone you trust. Post about it here if you feel comfortable. Find a therapist. It's never too soon to start getting better.
     
  2. Sage o' G-fruit

    Sage o' G-fruit Critics gonna critique

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    Hi. I'm OCD as well, and I really don't want to say exactly what my symptoms are yet, but I have the disorder, yeah.
     
  3. soundwave86

    soundwave86 Well-Known Member

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    I do too, sometimes its a pain in the ass sometimes it's managable.
     
  4. Coinhound

    Coinhound Well-Known Member

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    Im not a professional in any way but washing hands isnt that bad of a thing if you think about it. My grandmother had ocd and constantly flicked her thumbs against anything she could find to flick them against. Steering wheel in her car. Backs of seats in the house. Anything in her hands if it was big enough to flick her thumbs against.
     
  5. smkspy

    smkspy is one nice fucking kitty

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    Oh, for Asperger's sake, not another one of these threads.

    [​IMG]
     
  6. Harbinger

    Harbinger ecnayonnA

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    i have only some symptoms of it like most other people. mine is dvd and toy positions, cos if they are not just right it drives me crazy.
     
  7. Morku

    Morku Decepticon Loyalist

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    In a true Quintesson Fashion: GUILTY!!
     
  8. Prowl_Delta_31

    Prowl_Delta_31 Eating your donuts

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    I have a ritual while getting ready for work.
    1. Press my uniform.
    2. Polish my badge.
    3. Polish my boots.
    4. Load and unload my firearm 3 times.
    5. Load and unload my backup 3 times.
    6. Recite the Police Officers Prayer.

    If I don't do these things in that order I feel like my whole night is off.
     
  9. CdnShockwave

    CdnShockwave The Prince of Poses TFW2005 Supporter

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    I was nearly hospitalized and spent a year in bed due to OCD. NOT FUN.
     
  10. RHansen

    RHansen Sir. Ranbotnic Veteran

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    I have mild OCPD
     
  11. megatronkicksas

    megatronkicksas Well-Known Member

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    It's mild but it annoys the fuck out of my friends.
     
  12. Jeremy.B

    Jeremy.B Formerly Leader Blackout TFW2005 Supporter

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    *sigh* unfortunately.
     
  13. Bryan

    Bryan ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

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    I want to work for OCP.
     
  14. Baccala1976

    Baccala1976 Well-Known Member

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    ^THIS^
     
  15. funkatron101

    funkatron101 TFW2005 Supporter

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    Stop. Now.
     
  16. Spoiler

    Spoiler Autobot Spoiler

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    My parents think I am...but I would rather dissagree. Only because of a few reasons. I have a minor hand washing issue. But for reasons I can't explain, it only happens in my house. Outside of my house, I can care less. Go to work, a friends house, a hotel(where I should probably be washing them even more), anywhere else...not a single issue. Back during my high school years, I would actually wash up to my elbow. But now I do just the hands. Occasionally I may check something over again just to be sure on stuff. But really, it isn't as extreme as completely calling myself OCD.

    I am definately not OCPD, because I can give a crap less if something is perfectly arranged.
     
  17. netkid

    netkid Where's my Goddamn shoe!

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    For me, it all comes out of necessity, safety, and just plain reason of common sense.

    It only happens if I'm trying to move something into the correct position or display something just right(so nothing falls over and breaks. That would SUCK).

    I make sure the light switches are off (sometimes they do stick).

    I make sure the stove is off(seriously, who the fuck would want their house to burn down).

    I make sure all zippers on bags and such are fully close(since I'd hate for anything to fall out and lose it. Or worse, leave your fly open).

    I tie my shoe laces tight since they would always untie on me and I'd trip on them.

    I make sure anytime I wear socks (be they long or short) that they are fully pulled up since I hate it when they fall down and get stuck in your shoes.

    When I'm trying to closely examine something for any errors or damage -or- choose the best looking thing out of two or more things(too many instances with finding shitty looking products before I decide to buy a decent looking one).

    I usually wash my hands before I play games, touch my Transformers, listen to CDs but that's all because I don't want to get any of them dirty or dusty (especially the games and CDs).

    I usually save a game 2-4 times but that's because I've learned the very hard lesson of what happens when a game sometimes fails to save correctly.

    Let's see:

    -You experience unwanted and intrusive thoughts without being able to control them (the obsessions) and these cause anxiety (you are terrified that some catastrophe will occur if you don't address them)

    Sometimes I get the random thoughts that someone could die (eventually they all will), but that's because death is so sudden and unexpected.

    Sometimes I get the thought that something will be wrong or horribly wrong with something I bought and have yet to open. But that's all from having bad luck with buying things ( be they toys or games, etc) where something really was defective with it. Plus I HATE having to return shit.

    Sometimes I get the idea that I forgot to do something or need to check something to make sure it's correct. But that's all normal in the sense of making sure things are correct and nothing is messed up. Did I leave the front lights one? Did I lock the back door? Again, it's all about making sure stuff is okay so no one breaks into your house or other bad stuff happens. Don't set yourself up to have bad things possibly happen to you.

    -You attempt to negate such thoughts with a ritual act (i.e. hand washing, checking something repeatedly, thinking a good thought against a bad one) and this is disruptive of your daily life (the compulsions)

    I'll only think the good thought against a bad thought if I get that random thought of someone possibly dying. I never want to wish ill will against anyone and will always think positively and well of someone just out of sheer respect.

    -If you don't do the compulsion "just right" you have to do it over again


    As with displaying stuff, making sure things are closed, off, not damaged, etc, it's all done to make sure stuff is fine or won't fail on me or burn my house down.

    -You realize at some point that the thoughts might not be real (i.e. your sense of reality is not distorted, you know right from wrong)

    Huh? I know what is real from what isn't.

    Right Tyler?

    -"Right Jack. Only after disaster can we be resurrected. "

    See...Wait what?

    :lolol 

    -You don't want to do the compulsions but, despite attempts to resist the cycle of obsessions-compulsions, you get drawn back in by the thought that you could be wrong

    Again, do something until it is correct, but that's something my parents and teachers have always stressed throughout my life. If you fail, try try again.
    If that stove's not off all the way, then it's hey let's burn the house down!
    Double check those things or else you could be in double heck.

    -Your symptoms may be conspicuous so you hide them from others and develop rationalizations to explain them away

    Huh? I don't hide anything.

    OCPD is similar but differs in that...
    -In general, you are extremely concerned with propriety (i.e. things being in their proper place, doing things in exactly the "right way")


    Aw f**k me.

    -You may be highly critical of yourself or others for not doing things right

    Only myself, but that's because like everyone and their mother, who wants to fuck up something? In our world that could even mean you getting fired it you mess something up (even accidentally).

    -You don't feel that the compulsive behaviors are harmful or wrong; you may actually consider them beneficial

    It has it's perks. Again, like making sure your house will not burn down. Important reasons for Important actions.

    -Your concern with maintaining order disrupts other parts of your life

    The only thing that screws up my day is if I got a nasty hangnail and it's bothering me until I finally get home and can clip it off safely.

    Y'know what, now that I think of it, I don't think I have OCD. I think I just do things a certain way so that they have as little chance of failing or going wrong as possible.
     
  18. dorfsquest

    dorfsquest Bing B-Bing Bing!

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    I have OCD very very badly, and I might have OCPD, but I'm not sure.

    I check the tires on my car every time I go anywhere, for fear that one might have sprung an air leak on the drive. I go all around my car and listen to every tire. Believe me, I've gotten some looks for it.

    I bite down on my teeth throughout each day because I'm afraid that if I don't test their durability, they might become brittle and fall out. This has led to growing jaw problems.

    I'm so afraid of rejection from women that as soon as any girl shows any interest in me, I panic. This mainly stemmed off of the divorce from my ex wife.

    The list goes on and on. I hate it.

    Oh, and before bed each night, I have to look at all of my TFs to make sure they are in their proper place. lol
     
  19. Jeremy.B

    Jeremy.B Formerly Leader Blackout TFW2005 Supporter

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    :lolol 

    Netkid FTW.
     
  20. netkid

    netkid Where's my Goddamn shoe!

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    Well see that right there is what everyone SHOULD be doing. Mario Andretti cannot stress this enough.

    Chew gum. Stride. It really does last. The flavor that is. So good I usually go through a pack every 2 weeks.

    That's just you still having fear from the divorce. Who says you have to get married again. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?


    If you haven't touched them, then they're FINE. Let it go Indiana.
     

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