an idea for a scene

Discussion in 'Transformers Fan Fiction' started by GENOZAUR, Mar 17, 2007.


    GENOZAUR Banned

    Mar 17, 2007
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    from the 80's movie.

    bout the only change i would make to primes death scene script wise would be this.

    optimus primes line ultra magnus , it is to you my brother , i shall pass the mantle of leadership to you

    as it was passed to me by our father.

    ultra magnus's line

    alpha trion, but orion, i i'm just a soldier, i'm not worthy.


    nor was i dion but one day an autobot shall rise from our ranks and use the powers of the matrix to light our darkest hour.

    with that slight script change there it wouldhave set up this scene here

    i have been working on this scene in my head for a while people.

    it is a scene set in the 80's movie.

    one that would reveal the true connection between ultra magnus and optimus prime

    one that takes place shortly after the death of optimus prime.

    one in which ultra magnus is walking across the battle scarred metallic flooring of the courtyard in a slow determined and yet at the same time all together semizombie like manner.

    his state of mind for the scene is essentually what one could think of as being an intense and all together unyeilding form of psychological shock. that is to say that he isliterally going through an all too personal emotional experience of loss and greif that his mind has literally been robbed for the time being of the ability to comprehend what has actually happened to him, much less understand or comprehend the situation in anywhere near a semilucid manner.

    with each and every step he takes towards the center of the courtyard his armored form opens up little by little and bit by bit .

    first at the rectanguler raised armored shoulder columnes as they rotate back and behind his armored shoulders then at the front of his shoulders as they fold out to the sides. with the effect then moving on to his upper and lower arms as they split down the center at the the outer side revealing his true inner core robot form bit by bit as the effect continues to his lower torso which splits down the center of the front all the way down to the groin whil his upper legs split down the center at the front. as he comes to a stop the helmet portion of his head rotates forward and down over his face while his upper torso and chest moves out and away from him and then finishes the change as it rotates up over his head and onto his back.

    all the while that this is happening the wheather continues to intensify giving the viewer the impression that an intense storm is building up over head.

    at the center of the courtyard stands a large statue mount inside of which is a burning funeral pier.

    this part of the scene is meant to be somewhat symbolic in nature when it comes to how the romans would lay the fallen warriors body out on a funeral pier and set it and the body on fire.

    while on top of the statue mount is a lifesize gold colored statue of optimus.

    magnus is maybe all of 3 whole steps from standing directly in front of the statue as he comes to a stop.

    what the viewer sees is a white and silver optimus prime look alike.

    in otherwords this scene would reveal the fact that ultra magnus is and always has been optimus's twin brother.

    as the front of lower legs fold down to the ground he steps out of his suit of armor onto the ground.

    he looks up at the face of the statue for a moment as though lost in thought as he drops down to one knee and then he bows his head for a moment of silence as he raises his right arm out in front of him with it folding in at the albow.

    his right hand is closed into a fist with it resting over his spark core and energon pump or as we humans could callit his heart.

    the moment passes and his hand falls to the side.

    the camera moves around to the front of his body and moves in for a close up shot of his face as it begins to rain and the rain begins to trickle down his face. his optics have ahaunted look to them and his facial features are those of someone coming out of an intense state of shock as reality begins to set in.

    to the viewer the scene comes across as being symbolic in nature at first until slowly but surely the viewer realises that some of the liquid running down his face is fluid from his optics.

    think off it this way their optics can secret o a form of ptic fluid primarily for cleansing purposes. in times of intense emotional greif though it can also pass as a way for them to literally cry.

    the close up shot moves back to a full body shot of magnus from the front as his hands clench into fists,

    his entire body starts to triemble and bristle on him as he slowly sinks to his knees slams his fists into the metallic ground leaving aconsiderably large semi sinkhole like impression in the ground and then raises his head up to the sky and screams in greif as the steam rising up out of the ground covers him ina fog like mist.

    as for the song for the scene im thinking NO EASY WAY OUT could work for it.
  2. surak777

    surak777 Autobot Musician TFW2005 Supporter

    Feb 12, 2007
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    that's actually the idea I had for Magnus... I had an idea how he gets the armor as well in a story I'm working on.

    GENOZAUR Banned

    Mar 17, 2007
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    heres another scene i have put together which takes place at the very end of primes fight to the death with megatron.

    Megatron leered at his mortally wounded opponent. "I would have waited an eternity for this moment, it's over Prime." Optimus heard Megatron's voice but it sounded so very distant and so very far away. "crawl slave, on your knees" he gloated as he kept the gun trained on the Autobot leader despiote being heavily damaged himself. Optimus struggled to his knees despite wave after wave of excruciating pain as he clenched his hands together into fists for a final act of defiance. As he gathers his remaining strength he heard his own voice speaking to him. "youve lost, everything that you've worked so very hard for has been destroyed. everyone you knew and loved in life has been killed. it's all over , all over.

    through the morning fog that blanketed the battlefield he caught a glimpse of her, of his beloved Alita staring at him. her optics closed i nvain as she tried to hold back the tears which streamed down her face as she bowed her head in sorrow.

    in the distance behind her he saw his friends and his comrades. they who had given their lives for the code and their beliefs. their faces and optics which had once burned so bright in life with hope and determination, were now haunted with greif and sorrow.

    Alita.. i failed them , just as i have failed you... i have been trying so very hard to bring back my past, old friends, old ways. maybe this is what it brings in the heart of a dead city. no past but megatron's tyranny, no future but megatron's iron fist.
    even through all of this terrible pain i can still hear them screaming to me to avenge them. a million dead scream to me AVENGE ME. no, NO, NO! it is not over my past is dead but i am still alive and i owe the dead for that. i must not give up, i cannot give up i will never give up!. from somewhere deep within his mind, from somewhere in that faraway place of chrystaline concentration and groggy perceptions, in that faraway place of dreams and courage he found a final last well of power and strength.

    he had descended into the very darkness within himself, the deepest level. it was partially in his mind, partly in his heart and mostly in his soul. a black pit of hate, anger, wrath, greif, and despair. incredibly compressed by his desire and longing for peace, compacted under incredible pressure by his very morale beliefs, held in stasis by the very rigid discipline he had trained himself to posess as a warrior. the pit exploded with all t he pent up emotions he had held in check throughout his lifetime. a sudden surge of raw distructive energy exploded within primes damaged bodyas power rerouted itself from one subsystem to another, his faltering lifesigns peaked dramatically. optimus had the strength and the determination to do what was neccesary now all he needed was the will.

    optimus looked up at his age old adversary gasping for breath as his injuries robbed him of the oxygen his body required to combust energon. silence spread like a stifleing blanket over the battlefield, primes horrible gurgling wheeze the only sound echoeing accross the tarmac. he locked optics with the enemy, with he whom he once respected as a comrade, an adversary and at times as ally.

    he knew that he was the only one who could stop this carnage. he called on the last of his strength for one final blow. he knew he could do it he could take the monster down, optimus was an autobot for whom the word surrender truly had no meaning.

    the power was there gaining strength like a raging wildifire. the fire like will of determination was burning deep inside of him begging to be released lik the throttle handle to a power generator bent on overload. but after that he would be spent and it would all be over for him.

    "I'm gonna have to finish this now if ii ever want to finish this at all. for primus for alita, for my friends, let there be peace. then the heroic autobot gathered all his strength for one final word as he threw back his head and screamed from somewhere deep within his soul a primal scream so terrifying and sharp it cut through the tyrant like a stunning blow to the temple. N...never
    he screamed as he caught the tyrant across the throat with a double barrol fullswing roundhouse punch that caught the decepticon acros the dead center of the throat. megatron took 2 full steps away from his fallen adversary as he placed his right hand to his stricken throat as he struggled to breath. the unintelligable sounds made by his airway as he attempted to draw breath sounded like a deathrattle. the momentary distraction was all the hesitation prime needed as he struggled to his feet.

    Turning his attention inward, he accessed the power of the Matrix. alita’s last stand had provided the inspiration. All it took was the slightest thought – a line of coding, fed from his processor down a length of fibre-optic cabling and into his systems. A slight re-direction of power flow here, a minute telescoping of a ventilation funnel there, and Matrix energy flowed into his body.

    he cold actually feel the energy as it traveled from his chest to his shoulders through his arms and into his hands. metrix energy began to glow at his fingertips soft and white at first then with the color changing to a light bluish white as the power built up in intensity. lightning like pathways of energy began to arc back inforth in semi spider web like patterns as the energy increased.
    The power doubled, then tripled, then swelled beyond measure.

    Turning a sacred life force into a weapon was the easiest thing in the world for Optimus Prime. Suddenly, he felt his own Spark twitch and begin to move, inward, toward the sacred artefact. Through their mental link, somewhere in his mind he heard Magnus cry out. He knew… they both knew… what it meant. If a prime were to employ the Matrix in this fashion, to have it consume and destroy the enemy it would likely consume his spark as welll. Violence, he remembered, always had a consequence.

    Magnus’ voice whispered in his processor. This is the purpose, it said, for which Transformers like you and I were created. concentrating he willed the energy to coalensce into a speroid like form of pure matrix energy as it hovered in midair between his hands.

    i have tried reasoning with you, he thought silently to himself and i have tried making peace with you megatron. but the only language you will ever understand is violence. you wanted power so badly megatron here he spoke to his enemy as
    Optimus stopped hesitating and unleashed the full fury of the matrix The energy was blistering, and the temperature soared as the energy ball went soaring through the air at incredible speed. megatron had but a single moment to witness the incredibly distructive spere in motion as it exploded against his chest bashign it inwards and half peeling away the decepticon insignia on his chest in doing so.

    he screamed in terrible pain as he was sent flying through the air and over the edge into the abbyse.

    i figured this version of the scene would casue primes words to carry a bit more weight to them.

    in theend had given up everything that was preciouse to him in life. as the tragic avenging hero he gave up his purity of spirit, his honor and in some part compromised his beliefs.

    as for alita having died iin the time leading up to the animated movie. this is all part of a character driven subplot i have had in my head for quite a while.

    another such sub plot has to do with the origins of blurr, arcee and chromia and the family bond they share with kup.

    id rather not give you all the details but lets just say that kup and chromia are family as for who the father orf arcee and blurr is.

    well im sure you can figure it out.

    take a good look at kup, now take a good look at chromia when it comes to her characer in the season 2 episode the search for alpha trion.

    there's a somewhat decent resemblance between her and kup when it comes to the overall colorschemes the facial features and vehicle modes for those 2

    in short fanfic wise she could very well be his daughter.
  4. FireStar 2007

    FireStar 2007 Active Member

    Nov 30, 2007
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    Well done you have taken the whole death sence to a point where the wriers did
    there is another song you could put stan bush falling

    the music is good and is about falling so it could work with the megatron stroy or ultara magnus.

    keep it up maybe you could re write the whole 80's moive in the way you have done good luck from a fan of transfomers.

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