Wtf man that woman's crazy. Id say slap the shit out of her

(lol kidding)

 

She's taking the piss, mate. Can her and get a Bridesmaid who actually gives a shit about the importance of what you have asked her to do.

 

Damn Lumpy, Wedding drama is an f-ing pain in the ass, I feel for you.

I think you are right to be upset, I know I would be. I would give her an ultimatum, keep the hair, or be out of the wedding. She can shave it after.

I would tell her that the wedding of her brother should be more important than a sorority girl tradition and if she can't live with that, then she doesn't need to be in the wedding.

As for you Mom, I would tell her the same...

Remember, this is your (you and your lady) wedding.

 

Yeah, make a stand and tell her "no hair, no bridesmaid". If your mom has a problem with that, tell her too damn bad. It's YOUR wedding, not theirs. YOU get to make the choices, and if her being bald makes it weird, then don't hesitate to boot her. She brought it on herself.

 

I think you're looking at it the wrong way... instead of looking at the pictures and thinking,"oh look, there's my sister, who happened to screw up my wedding by shaving her head." you could think "oh look, there's my sister, who just before my wedding shaved her head for charity, showing that she does have a few shreads of compassion for others." Really, pictures are a snapshot (heh,) of life AT THAT PARTICULAR MOMENT. It seems that, at that moment, your sister will happen to have a shaved head. But it's not the end of the world. I think she SHOULDN'T wear a wig, it will make the pictures that much more interesting. Most wedding pics I've seen have been pretty boring and interchangeable.

Sorry if any of this doesn't mesh with you views on the matter. Just my 2 cents.

 

How about the compassion she could show her brother by waiting a month? If she really WAS compassionate for others, she would wait and make EVERYBODY happy.

It sounds to me like she's doing this out of spite, not compassion.

 

First problem, never have anything important on my Birthday, its a bad sign, everything goes wrong.

Second, if your sister is really being such a bitch and laughing it off and such, you can make her nothign more than a normal person there to watch. This is supposed to be a day that you and your Fiance should be the one calling all the shots.

 

DROP HER FROM THE WEDDING.​

 

I also don't buy the charity bit. Perhaps that is the goal of the event, but it sounds like charity is taking a backseat to #1 sorority bullshit.

If she truly wants to donate her hair, she can wait.

 

This is as much YOUR wedding as it is your fiance's. If YOU are upset about something going down in the wedding process, you deserve to be heard, you deserve to be recognized for it and your wife should pay you the respect of trying to work this problem out with you.

If you're upset about the wig thing, you're totally in the right to point out how insulting this is. If you want to make your point effectively, though, be civil; sit down with her and talk this out over a long night. Don't let something like this turn into a shouting match. On the other hand, DON'T sweep it under the covers because, even by accident, you'll end up arguing about this later in the marriage and...honestly...you just don't want that.

Part of marriage is compromise, and what you're describing right now is not that. Stand firm and point out that you're as big a part of the marriage as she is, and you're upset.

 

I'll be a bridesmaid if you still need an extra!

 

QFT, which is unfortunate as a person only has ONE wedding day. And sounds like she wants to spoil it  

And honestly I don't by the "I'm doing it for charity" line she's feeding you. If I read your opening post right Lumpy, your sister changed her story 3 TIMES

First she's just shaving her head (sounds like for kicks), then it's she's shaving her head for a Sorority initiation/hazing and THEN it's sh'es shaving it for charity. She can't seem to keep her stories straight as she's constantly changing it. It makes me wonder what her next reason will be.

No offense Lumpy but she's really coming across like a selfish spoiled brat. Does your sister REALLY hate you and or your fiance that much that she'd do something like this?

 

I agree.

She is trying to make you feel bad because you are not letting her do something for charity...


If it really were for charity, they will still give money for it after the wedding.

Lumpy posted something a few weeks back about wedding issues including his family and them not being supportive.

This is just another problem....

 

Well, I would say there are some adult decisions that need to be made here and that feelings shouldnt come into play as stongly as you are letting them.
This is going to be your wedding day. YOUR wedding day. If your sister is going to try and draw attention to herself with thisstunt/act of charity I would think she wouldnt be invited to be a brides maid anymore. Tell her she can still come to the wedding but thats going to be the extent of it. If your mom throws a fit about this decision dont cave.
On the flip side, what she is doing while, good in intention seems to be a grab for attention. I wouldnt give it to her. Let her cut her hair, dont tell her she cant, that will just strengthin her resolve. Let her do it but it has to come at a penelty, no participation in your wedding.
I'm sure there is alot more to the story but in the end it all boils down to one thing, blood is thicker than water. If she wants to support her friends in this hair cut program versus supporting you and your wife at your wedding (FAMILY) it shows her character. And you will have to address her with this in mind probably for the rest of your lives....

anyway, good luck.....drama, I freakin hate it.

 

I think you yourself made the best points of all (see below). Go over each of these points with her and your mom (camly, rationally, and carefully worded), and if she cannot respect your wishes for your wedding, then don't plan for her to be a part of it.

I have found that many a family drama can be settled by preceeding the discussion with, "We love you very much, and your feelings are very important to us... here are some things that are also important to us..."

In other words, could this wait until we get through what is a really big event on the horizon.

We want you to look as beautiful in our pictures as you do right now.

Would you mind holding off on this FOR US, until after the wedding?

What you're doing is very, very commendable - how can we help promote or support the cause too?

We need to ask that you do this for us.

We're trying to work toward having a positive, long-lasting relationship with everyone in the family. It would really mean a lot if you could do this for us.

Etc...

 

It's not like she can't do both anyway, she could easily tell her friends "Hey my brother's getting married soon. Can we do the hair thing a day or 2 AFTER the wedding?"

I wish you luck on this Lumpy. And remember you're not causing the waves, it's the rest of your family that is causing 'em.

It's situations like these that make going to a Las Vegas wedding chappel and eloping sound SO appealing

 

ams has a good, sensitive approach that's worth trying first.

If it doesn't work, then honestly, the wedding is your fiancee's day. Not your sister's, not your mother's, and really, not even your's. It's her one (hopefully), special, nothing-matters-but-what-she-wants day. Your sister, even without the attitude you're describing, has no right to shave her head AND be in the wedding.

If it will upset your fiancee on her wedding day, you are under no obligation to include her, no matter how offended she or your mother is by your decision.

Also, it's my experience that if you don't take a stand at some point, the behavior will continue to worsen. My younger brother behaves in a frighteningly similar manner, and I've made it clear he's not welcome in my home for family stuff if he chooses to behave that way. Caused some (lots of) friction, but he shuts his mouth while under my roof.