am i wrong to be upset?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Lumpy, Mar 13, 2007.

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  1. Lumpy

    Lumpy Taylor Swift Actionmaster Super Mod

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    so, heres the story. gettin married may 19th, this year. my sister is one of my fiances bridesmaids (and very reluctantly, cuz she's been nothing but a bitch to my fiance, so we left her out originally, cuz we arent be super traditional) so, my fiance texts her to find out which of 2 weekends would be better for a bridal shower. my sister says " i cant make the 1st one, im shaving my head that day" to which we are stunned....she's shaving her head a month before our wedding....WTF....later, she says its initiaition for her sorority....then, she says its actually for a charity event.....now, this part we understand, giving hair to raise money for sick kids is great....however, there will always be sick kids, and they will always need money and hair for wigs.....so why does she have to cause this whole drama a month before the wedding? it just doesnt make any sense at all...

    now she says she'll have a wig for the wedding, but a wig just wont look the same....my sister has always had long blond hair, and she's just not gonna look right, and in the pictures we have for the rest of our lives, she's always going to look weird to me, but she doesnt care. as she keeps saying, its her decision, and nothing we say can change her mind. she'd rather not make her friends look bad by backing out instead of being considerate of her brother and future sister in law.... and im not trying to be a dick about the kids or money she's raising...my fiance and i both really beleive in the cause, but not the month before.....i dont know what else to do....

    and now its gonna cause more drama and a bigger split between my mom and sister and my fiance....cuz my mom is backing my sister 100% (as always, cuz shes the baby and always gets her way) and now my fiance cant stop crying when she thinks about this....she's so upset and that kills me that my mom and sister dont fucking get how big of a deal this is.....anyone have any advice at all? this is our wedding, and we want it a specific way.....and now this shit comes up.....


    EDIT: one more part too....the biggest problem is my sisters attitude...she was laughing about how we dont have a say in it, which makes it seem very much like she's trying to piss us off.....and thats just not cool at all....thats the part that hurts the most....
     
  2. Chaos Muffin

    Chaos Muffin Misadventure Veteran

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    Wtf man that woman's crazy. Id say slap the shit out of her

    (lol kidding)
     
  3. Draven

    Draven Banned

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    She's taking the piss, mate. Can her and get a Bridesmaid who actually gives a shit about the importance of what you have asked her to do.
     
  4. Team Jetfire

    Team Jetfire Pop-POP!

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    Damn Lumpy, Wedding drama is an f-ing pain in the ass, I feel for you.

    I think you are right to be upset, I know I would be. I would give her an ultimatum, keep the hair, or be out of the wedding. She can shave it after.

    I would tell her that the wedding of her brother should be more important than a sorority girl tradition and if she can't live with that, then she doesn't need to be in the wedding.

    As for you Mom, I would tell her the same...

    Remember, this is your (you and your lady) wedding.
     
  5. MegaMoonMan

    MegaMoonMan www.megamoonman.com TFW2005 Supporter

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    Yeah, make a stand and tell her "no hair, no bridesmaid". If your mom has a problem with that, tell her too damn bad. It's YOUR wedding, not theirs. YOU get to make the choices, and if her being bald makes it weird, then don't hesitate to boot her. She brought it on herself.
     
  6. MECHADOOM

    MECHADOOM I'm Doombot and I know it

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    I think you're looking at it the wrong way... instead of looking at the pictures and thinking,"oh look, there's my sister, who happened to screw up my wedding by shaving her head." you could think "oh look, there's my sister, who just before my wedding shaved her head for charity, showing that she does have a few shreads of compassion for others." Really, pictures are a snapshot (heh,) of life AT THAT PARTICULAR MOMENT. It seems that, at that moment, your sister will happen to have a shaved head. But it's not the end of the world. I think she SHOULDN'T wear a wig, it will make the pictures that much more interesting. Most wedding pics I've seen have been pretty boring and interchangeable.

    Sorry if any of this doesn't mesh with you views on the matter. Just my 2 cents.
     
  7. MegaMoonMan

    MegaMoonMan www.megamoonman.com TFW2005 Supporter

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    How about the compassion she could show her brother by waiting a month? If she really WAS compassionate for others, she would wait and make EVERYBODY happy.

    It sounds to me like she's doing this out of spite, not compassion.
     
  8. Lumpy

    Lumpy Taylor Swift Actionmaster Super Mod

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    see, thats what i was saying too...and that if she waited the month, her hair would also be longer....hence it would be better for everyone....
     
  9. Savanna

    Savanna Want to Touch my Wankel?

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    First problem, never have anything important on my Birthday, its a bad sign, everything goes wrong.

    Second, if your sister is really being such a bitch and laughing it off and such, you can make her nothign more than a normal person there to watch. This is supposed to be a day that you and your Fiance should be the one calling all the shots.
     
  10. Covenant

    Covenant Mr. Roboto in Disguise

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    DROP HER FROM THE WEDDING.​
     
  11. MegaMoonMan

    MegaMoonMan www.megamoonman.com TFW2005 Supporter

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    I also don't buy the charity bit. Perhaps that is the goal of the event, but it sounds like charity is taking a backseat to #1 sorority bullshit.

    If she truly wants to donate her hair, she can wait.
     
  12. Ops_was_a_truck

    Ops_was_a_truck JOOOLIE ANDREWWWWWS!!!!!!

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    This is as much YOUR wedding as it is your fiance's. If YOU are upset about something going down in the wedding process, you deserve to be heard, you deserve to be recognized for it and your wife should pay you the respect of trying to work this problem out with you.

    If you're upset about the wig thing, you're totally in the right to point out how insulting this is. If you want to make your point effectively, though, be civil; sit down with her and talk this out over a long night. Don't let something like this turn into a shouting match. On the other hand, DON'T sweep it under the covers because, even by accident, you'll end up arguing about this later in the marriage and...honestly...you just don't want that.

    Part of marriage is compromise, and what you're describing right now is not that. Stand firm and point out that you're as big a part of the marriage as she is, and you're upset.
     
  13. McBradders

    McBradders James Franco Club! Moderator

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    I'll be a bridesmaid if you still need an extra!
     
  14. Shaun_C

    Shaun_C The REAL One True fan Veteran TFW2005 Supporter

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    QFT, which is unfortunate as a person only has ONE wedding day. And sounds like she wants to spoil it :( 

    And honestly I don't by the "I'm doing it for charity" line she's feeding you. If I read your opening post right Lumpy, your sister changed her story 3 TIMES

    First she's just shaving her head (sounds like for kicks), then it's she's shaving her head for a Sorority initiation/hazing and THEN it's sh'es shaving it for charity. She can't seem to keep her stories straight as she's constantly changing it. It makes me wonder what her next reason will be.

    No offense Lumpy but she's really coming across like a selfish spoiled brat. Does your sister REALLY hate you and or your fiance that much that she'd do something like this?
     
  15. Team Jetfire

    Team Jetfire Pop-POP!

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    I agree.

    She is trying to make you feel bad because you are not letting her do something for charity...


    If it really were for charity, they will still give money for it after the wedding.



    Lumpy posted something a few weeks back about wedding issues including his family and them not being supportive.

    This is just another problem....
     
  16. Lumpy

    Lumpy Taylor Swift Actionmaster Super Mod

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    we keep thinking about dropping her, but my fiance doesnt want this to cause a major rift between her and my family....though my family already treats her like crap half the time anyway, so i dont see how it'll get much worse....id rather cut them off completely and make my fiance happy then let this shit fly and haev my fiance upset about our wedding...


    yeah, as team jetfire stated, this is a continuos battle we've been dealing with lately....my parents having said anything to contribute so far, and have barely even said anything about us being engaged (we've been engage for a year on march 19) and now, with under 3 months till the wedding, they keep dropping in mega bombs in the way....
     
  17. SunDown

    SunDown Fatty McFatFat

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    Well, I would say there are some adult decisions that need to be made here and that feelings shouldnt come into play as stongly as you are letting them.
    This is going to be your wedding day. YOUR wedding day. If your sister is going to try and draw attention to herself with thisstunt/act of charity I would think she wouldnt be invited to be a brides maid anymore. Tell her she can still come to the wedding but thats going to be the extent of it. If your mom throws a fit about this decision dont cave.
    On the flip side, what she is doing while, good in intention seems to be a grab for attention. I wouldnt give it to her. Let her cut her hair, dont tell her she cant, that will just strengthin her resolve. Let her do it but it has to come at a penelty, no participation in your wedding.
    I'm sure there is alot more to the story but in the end it all boils down to one thing, blood is thicker than water. If she wants to support her friends in this hair cut program versus supporting you and your wife at your wedding (FAMILY) it shows her character. And you will have to address her with this in mind probably for the rest of your lives....

    anyway, good luck.....drama, I freakin hate it.
     
  18. ams

    ams Generation All Veteran

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    I think you yourself made the best points of all (see below). Go over each of these points with her and your mom (camly, rationally, and carefully worded), and if she cannot respect your wishes for your wedding, then don't plan for her to be a part of it.

    I have found that many a family drama can be settled by preceeding the discussion with, "We love you very much, and your feelings are very important to us... here are some things that are also important to us..."

    In other words, could this wait until we get through what is a really big event on the horizon.

    We want you to look as beautiful in our pictures as you do right now.

    Would you mind holding off on this FOR US, until after the wedding?

    What you're doing is very, very commendable - how can we help promote or support the cause too?

    We need to ask that you do this for us.

    We're trying to work toward having a positive, long-lasting relationship with everyone in the family. It would really mean a lot if you could do this for us.

    Etc...
     
  19. Shaun_C

    Shaun_C The REAL One True fan Veteran TFW2005 Supporter

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    It's not like she can't do both anyway, she could easily tell her friends "Hey my brother's getting married soon. Can we do the hair thing a day or 2 AFTER the wedding?"

    I wish you luck on this Lumpy. And remember you're not causing the waves, it's the rest of your family that is causing 'em.

    It's situations like these that make going to a Las Vegas wedding chappel and eloping sound SO appealing
     
  20. Bryan

    Bryan ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

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    ams has a good, sensitive approach that's worth trying first.

    If it doesn't work, then honestly, the wedding is your fiancee's day. Not your sister's, not your mother's, and really, not even your's. It's her one (hopefully), special, nothing-matters-but-what-she-wants day. Your sister, even without the attitude you're describing, has no right to shave her head AND be in the wedding.

    If it will upset your fiancee on her wedding day, you are under no obligation to include her, no matter how offended she or your mother is by your decision.

    Also, it's my experience that if you don't take a stand at some point, the behavior will continue to worsen. My younger brother behaves in a frighteningly similar manner, and I've made it clear he's not welcome in my home for family stuff if he chooses to behave that way. Caused some (lots of) friction, but he shuts his mouth while under my roof.
     
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