Aligned crossover; With a Thousand Lies

Discussion in 'Transformers Fan Fiction' started by HeroicC300, Nov 1, 2011.

  1. HeroicC300

    HeroicC300 Chats with Artists

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    Note: the autobots won't appear until chapter 3. I want feedback, and tell me what I need to do to make sure that the main human companion isn't a Marty Stu.


    Chapter 1: Kids With Guns

    The plane was a small one, but comfy. He had to hand it to his allies; they knew how to keep comfort up. Looking at the other passengers and staff, he smiled. They didn’t know where the flight was going, that he was to speak to an important criminal gang, but they were enjoying the flight too. They were over Japan, and near their destination. He relaxed and prepared to take a nap, happy to be of use and well-known, even if it was in certain circles and not publicly.

    Just as he was about to fall asleep, anti-aircraft fire hit the plane. This confused him greatly. Looking out of a window he saw that it was coming from various caves. Everyone else was panicking. He simply got out his luggage. Then one of the wings got hit. He decided that some snark was in order.
    “Anti-Aircraft fire? This is sooo not cool!”
    One of the stewardesses glared at him. He shrugged. The next shot hit the fuselage, and blew open a large hole. Several of the other passengers were sucked out, but his rather heavy luggage kept him in place. Walking over to the parachutes, he began to put one on. The plane got hit again, causing him to lose his footing. Grabbing his armory box (seeing as if the plane was going down, clothes weren’t really a priority), he prepared to leap out of the plane. Seeing nothing but mountains (and a snowstorm), he sighed. This was gonna be rough. He jumped.

    “Onward, my friends, to Mayhem!” Was the last thing he said (in a sarcastic voice) before pulling to chute and falling into the snowstorm. Tuxedos weren’t that good for cold protection, and the winds buffeted him something fierce. A few shots rang out, and one hit his parachute.
    “Oh bugger, this was going to be such a nice weekend too.”
    ~~~
    Upon waking he saw that he was snagged on a spire. It was part of a nice-looking building, though the building had some damage done to it. He looked down, and saw his armory box. He could make the drop no problem. Unhooking the parachute and falling, he scooped it up. Taking out his pistol and FAL, he got exploring. Upon entering the spire building, he found that it was almost a ceremonial place. Feeling guilty, he tried to sneak out as quietly as he could, not wanting to disturb the mystic feel. Making it to a corridor, he saw a few guards approaching. Ducking into a niche, they walked past, oblivious.
    “The conquest of the village goes well, and now all we have to do is begin processing of the villagers.” This piqued his interest. He wasn’t one for conquest, so he figured he’d shadow these goons. They had on light body armor, and he swore one was an elf.
    “Excellent. I can’t wait to have my pick of the women.”
    They laughed, and his gut ran cold. He decided to take matters into his own hands. Sneaking up behind one, he pistol whipped him and jumped back. As they spun around to face him, he holstered his pistol (his right pocket was modified to be a holster) and got his FAL. Glancing into the scope, he quick-fired, taking out one goon (guard [asshole]) with several bullets to the chest and neck. The elf fell, and he moved to whack the other guy, who had gotten close to him. One quick rifle butt to the face later, and the other goon (guard [asshole]) was on the floor. He shot him, not giving mercy to the idiots. He went back to get the rest of his weapons, checking his gauntleted arm (it held an Omni-tool, a power fist and could make a hard light melee weapon in a pinch) to see if his subspace pocket was empty. It mostly was, it held his special glasses (translated languages written down, and also provided a HUD when fighting) and his walking stick/blades. He came back into that ceremonial room, and took a pause to ask for forgiveness. He might not be a religious man (no religion appealed to him at this moment in time) but he still respected other’s religions. Quickly making his way to his ‘armory box’, he got out his essential weapons. Pistol and FAL accounted for; he grabbed his Mossberg 500, RPG-7, and M32 Grenade Launcher (people asked why he had two anti-armor/high explosive weapons sometimes. He just pointed out that sometimes one need a straight shot, other times ricochets) and subspaced all of them. His pocket was nowhere near being filled however. He grabbed the heavy box and got moving. Back through the ceremonial room (he had tears in his eyes, as he knew he was defiling the room, and this place filled him with awe in its beauty), and out into that hallway. He found stairs, and made it to some streets. He saw a house with an open door, and went into it to place his box. Along the way, he saw a snowmobile. Looked to be an Osutzu Yuki, but at the same time looked a bit off. He paid it no heed.
    ~~~
    Once in the house, he quickly put his box in a safe and hidden (so he hoped, if not the protective measures would keep it safe) place, he sat down in a chair and opened his comm. channel.
    “Arcee come in, this is Benjamin.”
    He waited for a bit, and then got a response.
    “Benjamin this is Arcee, what’s your situation? Our locator says you’re in some mountains in Japan. You should be in China.”
    He gave some thought for how to respond for a moment.
    “Plane got shot down. Don’t know if anyone else survived, but I did. This place is crawling with mercs. Said something about processing the villagers; one stated that he would take a wife/slave from his pick. Recommend that you gather your team and get to the moonbase. I may need your help.”
    He waited for her to process this information. When she had, she gave a terse reply.
    “This must be serious if you want all eight of us. I’ll make the call, but I want updates every chance you get. Arcee out.”
    He nodded, even if she couldn’t see it. The chick knew her tactics, so he knew that sitreps were a must if he wanted their help. He went upstairs to get a better look around. Being a two-story house, there wasn’t actually that much of a vantage point. He got onto a balcony, and saw a ladder leading to the roof. Upon getting to the roof, he looked for a way to get a higher viewpoint. No ladders, he noticed. But he did see other ways of climbing up. Using ledges, pipes, balconies and windowsills he made it to a roof about seven stories higher. Exhausted, he walked to an air conditioning unit. Leaning against it, he caught his breath. A zipline (or perhaps a power line, he wasn’t sure) was strung from a window nearby to an open window across the street. The lights were on there, so he took a look from the scope of his FAL. What he saw wasn’t pretty.
    ~~~
    The women were all lined up in the middle of the floor, with one guard per woman, and each had either a rifle or a pistol aimed at them. They were clearly prisoners, but each guard had a lecherous grin on his face. Benjamin’s stomached got nauseous at the sight. He knew what he had to do. Taking aim with his FAL, he shot at one of the guards and was rewarded with a gush of red and his head exploded. He watched them panic, unaware that they had been seen. They regrouped around their prisoners. He took aim again, and shot another one. This time the three-round burst hit him in the neck, then the jaw, and then his skull. Ben smiled grimly, but sighed once he saw them shouting at him (well, more of just shouting, but still it was meant to be shouted at him).
    “Sniper one more of us and we’ll kill of them!”
    They were unnerved, but he deemed their threat not worth checking to see if it was a bluff. He found a way down into the floor beneath him (out of their sight) and went to the zipline. He looked at the guards from the window. Of the ten that were there, now there were eight. All looked frightened, as did the prisoners. For the briefest moment, he thought he saw a mother-daughter duo. He shook the thought. Making sure his pistol was secure; he put his rifle on the zipline and jumped. He was ready. They would fall. Time to fight, he though, Like a Boss.
    ~~~
    The guards, though nervous, were relieved that the sniper had left. Now, one was flirting with his prisoner, to her disgust. The others were watching. They still smiled, as it was always good to see a woman put in her place.

    That happiness was soon crushed. With the sound of something sliding, the guard closest to the window had his jaw smashed by the sniper, who had ziplined in. The guard never had a chance, as the sniper had put his all into that landing. Using him to soak up his momentum, Benjamin crushed his ribcage, and then broke his skull with his rifle. Still moving, he whacked the next guard, and used his FAL’s stock to rope the guard neck and snap it. By now, he had lost the element of surprise. The other guards took aim. He whipped out his pistol and shot at them, holding the FAL with his other hand, his primary hand. Two fell, and that left four to deal with. One was still ‘flirting’, so he was marked for a brutal death. Two were holding hostages, and one was preparing to fire at him. Dropping to the floor, he shot at the guard who had missed his shot, and got him in the knee. He got up and lunged, punching said guard in the face. Whipping his pistol around, he whacked the guard, and flipped the pistol so he could shoot. Now that the guard was in pain and limping, he crouched, grabbed his good knee, and wrenched it to the side. The guard fell, and he shot him in the heart, leaving him for dead.
    Three left.
    Two with Hostages next, he decided. Moving forward, he saw them prepare to use human shields. He slid around, getting one from behind. Grabbing his head, he lifted and shook form side-to-side. The guard felt something in him snap, and then blacked out. He fell to the floor, dead. The other hostage taker looked fearful. These mercs must have been the dregs, because they weren’t putting up a good fight. The last guard flung his hostage at him, and Ben sidestepped. A quick burst and the last focused guard was dead. Benjamin turned, and tapped the distracted one on the shoulder.
    “Attempting to flirt with a lady that way will get you nowhere.” He said calmly, and then punched the guard with all his might. He stumbled, and then held out his rifle, clearly more focused than the others, and silently daring him to attack. He did. The last guard was dead, and he had ten hostages saved.

    One looked at him fearfully.
    “Who are you?” She said. He shrugged.
    “I’m the wrong guy in the right place. I’m here to help, and crazy as it seems, I wasn’t meant to be here. Fate’s funny like dat.”
    They stared at him, and he smiled.
    “Let’s get you lot to safety.”

    Author's notes; Ben speaks multiple accents depending on line. Also, assume he talks English then Japanese (and if that confuses you; nanobots). Last line would sound like DOTM Roadbuster.
    Yes, there is a REASON he has a subspace pocket. It has to do with some of the earth-bound autobots.
     
  2. kaijuguy19

    kaijuguy19 Keyblade Wielder

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    Good start so far. It really got the pace going a bit!
     
  3. Overlord Balder

    Overlord Balder Voices Slugslinger!

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    Cool start bro, only remember to make some pagraphs!
     
  4. HeroicC300

    HeroicC300 Chats with Artists

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    Yeah. I will be using Motorstorm vehicles alongside real ones.
     
  5. HeroicC300

    HeroicC300 Chats with Artists

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    Chapter 2: Under the Radar

    15 minutes later…
    He took in his refugees. This was going to be tricky(interesting[difficult]) to pull off. He decided some questions were in order. Pointing a hand at the mother-daughter duo, he decided to make them pointwomen.
    “You lot, you’re going to take point and scout ahead. There’s a house not far from here (might be one one of you guys own) that we’re going to. From there, we’ll make a plan. Let’s move people.”
    They made a route through the building to the street. As they got to the ground floor lobby, he saw at least twenty mercs. Taking out his M32, he took aim. Firing four grenades, he watched them bounce, and the mercs scatter in vain. Seventeen down, three still alive, and two more are coming out of hiding. He jumped down from the balcony, with the women charged down the stairs. He re-subspaced the GL and got out his Mossberg. Charging as well, he purposely fell and slid, shooting each merc as he did so. Three fell, and two more got mobbed and beaten down by the women. As they moved on, he shot the remaining two in the head, holding his own like he had a headache.
    “Five not alive, the house is across the street to the right.”
    They gave him a look.
    “We know where the house is. I live there.”
    He nodded the point.
    “Yeah, but we still gots ta get there and shore up da fort.”
    They gave him confused looks now.
    He shrugged and moved on. He gestured for them to dash across the street, and then one glanced at the fact that the door was open. He got out his FAL and swept around, checking for mercs as he backed towards the house. Upon reaching the door, he darted inside and shut it. Before he went in, he saw many more mercs on the way, but they were taking their time. Apparently his stunt had rattled(unnerved[scared]) them. He found that he wasn’t bothered(worried[confused]) about this. As they gathered around the table, he got out his box and slammed it on the table.
    “Okay, we’ve got to get this place cleaned the hell out, so get ready and get armed.”
    He took out his HUD glasses (a gift from two of the Autobots) and put them on. Okay, now for a show.
    Activating the display, he put up a holomap of the village.
    “Okay, so we got some mercs camps here, here, here, and here.”
    Four sections turned red.
    “We need to clear out this one. However, I only got enough weapons and ammo to arm you lot and four more, after that we’re in deep. Any weapons caches around here?”
    He saw the mother-daughter duo raise their hands.
    “Mother has a large collection of weapons. She’s always wanted to be a spy.”
    “I have a large amount, but not a lot of ammo and I’m not sure of their condition.”
    He nodded.
    “Good, we’ll need to get there. I saw the snowmobile, any chance you guys can ride it and shoot at mercenaries? If you can lure them away while the rest of us get to your house, you can meet back up and I can deal with the rest.”
    They then hashed out a plan to get to the house in a dash. He had no problem with it, and neither did any of them.

    As the mother-daughter duo moved onto the snowmobile and shot at the mercs before roaring off, he started sweeping the streets with the other eight women. Since the mercs had retreated (the daughter had a grenade launcher, and that was mighty dangerous), it was easy to get a quarter of the distance. Then, several mercs took up defensive positions… in the wrong direction. He smiled; this was a good spot for an ambush. Sneaking up, he hid behind some knocked over tables, and took aim with the RPG. One shot and a bunch of discord later, and one ambush was counter-ambushed. The Snowmobile roared into view later, and as they hid form it, a bunch of jeeps came after it. He took potshots at them, scoring two hits (he had changed to the M32). Two wrecked jeeps and four dead mercs later, and he was scavenging some heavy weapons.
    “You lot, you’re a heavy weapons team, take this Heavy MG, you, you’re ammo goon. You, you’re gunner. Make it happen ladies!”
    They took the looted gun and ammo, then he saw that some of the mercs weren’t dead yet. One was crawling, in apparent stealth.
    Time to fix that;
    Walk over,
    Make sure he doesn’t see you,
    Kick him over and stomp on his chest,
    “You’ll have to do better than that.”
    Move on.
    They managed to make it the rest of the way without incident. He took up a nest on the second floor, waiting for the Mother-Daughter express. He saw them turn around a corner, at least eight jeeps on their tail. He shot one jeep, it flew up, hit a building and fell down flaming. He shot another, and then a building, which collapsed and blocked the road that the two flaming wrecks didn’t. One assault blocked and many more to go.
    He went downstairs, where the M-D express parked in a garage. The Snowmobile was in good condition, and that unnerved him as he took them inside. Time for a sitrep; he punched up a holomap to discuss defense.
    “Okay, so Operation: Suburban Shakedown was a success. Now, we should take the buildings here, here, and here. Set up a perimeter, and hold the fort until we can get reinforcements. They can’t have captured everyone, and I bet with our li’l rampage they’re low on mercs for this sector. I’d call this a win. Now, where’s the armory(cache[gun shop])?”
    They unlocked a room full of guns and maintenance equipment.
    “Good, arm up, we got a chunk of town to hold. I’ll get on the horn with my allies and see if I can call in some help.”
    He walked off, and got in the garage to contact Arcee.
    “Okay, so I’ll need that help, but I’m sending co-ordinates to the nearest merc camps. I don’t think they’re human, as these women are FAR too cold to be such. But, I’d like you, ‘Jack and the headbanger to land near us while the others take out their second camp. I’ve got a fort here, so now we just have to hold out longer enough for you guys to get into position and to have some reinforcements come in.”
    “Okay, we’ll get ready and arm up. Now, you hold the fort and tell us when you’re about to move out. Arcee out.”
    He walked back to the women, and got ready to brief them on the situation. Upon walking back in, he put on his bandanna, deciding that keeping his face obscured (his tux was unique, but so was he, and he doubted that any of the mercs would recognize him by name) would be for the best.
    “Alright, here’s the plan…” as he detailed what could be done to shore up, he saw them get motivated and get to work. He went to assist, and helped make more of a stable barrier where the jeeps and building rubble lay. He took a quick scan, and had his glasses pop up a HUD to fix it. Evidently, he needed Landmine or another engineering genius. Sighing, he went back to the house to check the area behind it.
    ~~~
    As he flopped down into a wall after making sure the back was sealed up, he saw the women return with more women and about a half-a-dozen men. For a brief moment, he swore he saw a hallucination. Gone were the women, and in their place stood a squad, capable of weathering the storm, regardless of strength. Then he heard lyrics floating in his head he hoped never had to apply to these villagers.

    Strong and Calloused, Brave and Tired, all those who could stay Inspired…

    He drifted into restless sleep, worried sick for his new charges, since he couldn’t tell them of what his original goals were, and they held their own secrets. Today was just going to be one of those days.
     
  6. Ravenxl7

    Ravenxl7 W.A.F.F.L.E.O.

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    I definitely like your idea behind the story, and the writing has been pretty decent so far, but the character Benjamin is just too perfect at what he does to be believable, and makes me cringe a lot. Probably doesn't help that he reminds me a lot of most of Jason Stathom's work (I can't stand him).

    Only other things I would mention story-wise, is that I doubt the guards would have gone back to what they were doing after having some of their comrades sniped. Also, the plane being destroyed wasn't believable at all. By the time he actually jumped out, I can't see how he could have still been alive.

    To summarize, not really a story I'm interested in continuing to read. Not that you should stop writing it. There's bound to be people on here who would love to read this. I'm just not one of them.
     

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