My wife wants me to do weight watchers with her. I could definitely stand to lose some weight. I'm almost 300 lbs.

 

Yeah, and you forgot that when you sweat, it feels like two pickled eggs in a ziploc bag coated with Crisco bouncing around between your legs.

 

Thanks! I accidentally put an extra "e", but hopefully the spellcheck function will be up and running soon, and we'll get it under control next go round  

And weight watchers DOES work. My mom was on that, and she lost a bunch of weight when we were younger.

 

I... I'm just not sure anymore. I read through this whole thread thinking that an actual serious respsonse may be needed. Then I remember where I was and what day it is. But hell... somewhat serious, I guess:

I'm a fatty. 5'10", weighing in at about 260lbs. Not a gross disgusting dirty fatty, still in decent shape and fairly active for a guy my size, but a fatty nonetheless. I am 27 years old and am a virgin. I used to feel pretty bad about it, actually, like all alone and strange because everybody else was doing it. Ironic because, I've turned down several opportunities for guaranteed sex with some fairly nice, attractive, SOBER, non-hooker-type women. Not a whole lot of chances, granted, but in the 20s over the past several years... had I taken those opportunities there could have been some sustained screwage. It just never felt right, and I never felt right...

Then I met a very nice girl. And quite frankly, meeting her is the best thing that ever happened to me. NOT taking those other chances with those other women may very well be the second best thing. I've been with this girl for going on (holy crap) 6 years, now. (Any of you other elderstatesmen here remember my "help me I have no idea how to ask this girl out thread" from circa 2002? It was actually pretty successful - the key is being sincere.) Anyway, we're getting married on April 5th. And she's scared to death about having sex the first time, but if I had taken those other opportunities and had other things to compare her too... well, I can only really imagine the experience being much worse. She'd be completely and totally paranoid about how she stacks up with my other experiences and would probably always feel inferior. Part of me would probably unfairly compare her to others, too.

The point is, for me waiting was and is the right thing. I understand that's not true for everybody. If your friend just wants to get laid there is plenty of good advice in this thread amid the train wreck of fuck comedy. Just saying, that if you have to try too hard, maybe it just ain't supposed to happen now. Deal with the other issues in your life first - life has a tendancy to sort it self out.

You may now continue with the piss jokes and up-kilt images, now. 

 

Oh my god

These words are going on my tombstone

I hear you on that stuff. I think about that a lot. I know once I ever do end up with someone in a serious relationship, more than likely it'll probably be someone who's been with other people in bed, and I'd be so damn worried how I "stack up" as you put it.

I have to watch how I express myself on such things carefully though, I've pissed other people off pretty bad given my views. Just for a disclaimer though, I certainly don't look down on people that HAVE had multiple partners, that's just not what I want for me personally, and I worry about certain factors knowing I'll probably not be anyone's "first"

 

Teeth are bad enough, so nothing with blades is getting near my mansack.

 

Now see, I think Ktulu and Boo are two of the most laid-back, cool cats on the boards. I don't look down on them for being virgins.

I'll be honest here, I held on to mine for a long time, much longer than most of my friends. The only reason I did ending up doing it was because I was in love with the chick and thought we'd get married, have babies and all that. Well, turns out she was a vacuous slut, but that's neither here nor there.

But a few notes.

Boo - everybody sucks the first time they do it because you are nervous and don't know what the hell you are doing. Practice makes perfect.

Ktulu - I wouldn't worry about measuring up, either. Most dudes simply don't know how to get a chick's rocks off. Even if you think you blew it, you probably did better than most.

 

Yeah, gotta have a steady hand.

 

and a lot of motivation...

 

Truer (sp?) words may have never been spoken...

 

When you're ready for it, be totally upfront. That's what I did, and the gal I was with basically let me explore around for a little bit to see what worked best for both of us. It was like my penis had a little pith helmet and had just hit the coast of Africa.

 

You guys never stop being awesome here eh

You know, one thing that does make me feel a little less apprehensive - at least I'm knowledgeable on the importance of certain things, such as foreplay and the 'lingus. Now, "know how" and "able to" can be radically different things, sure, but at least I don't have a blind idea that sex is a few pokes during intercourse and that's all. Inevitably, I'm gong to suck and be a tiny bit lost, but at least I've studied my fuckin map.

Also, this really isn't that related, but I thought of it - I remember in some 8th grade health class, we had to learn all the parts and functions of the reproductive organs, labeling and detailing, all this. I got a 100 on the female one. Didn't do so hot on the male one. Serious conflict of interest innit

 

Here are all the important parts...

 

Well fuck me, I thought my spider gland was on the outside  

 

Hells, no. That mofo is deep. Sometimes you can feel it twinge when you gotta fart real bad.

In before "This thread has run its course..." lock.

 

There's a technique to it, sure. It's kind of a two-finger hook-and-pull, then shave. Repeat.

Worth it. You feel faster, lighter...it's priceless, really.

 

And the old man downstairs will seem larger without all that fluff in the way. It's like giving your peen it's own special edition director's cut.

 

lol at jiggles cross section

 

its like that movie shakespeare in love but with jiggles.

'jiggles in love'.

only slightly less gay and ben affleck-free.