Discussion in 'Transformers Funnies' started by Agent 539, Nov 22, 2015.
MP Slot Fever II 2289
Prime: What is it Spike?
Spike: Something's happening to the Autobots?
Chip: Smokescreen dragged in a weird looking slot machine and it electrified the Autobots.
Spike: It's near Teletraan-1.
Prime: Inferno, Jazz, let's go see what's happening.
Smokescreen: ...and all we need to do now is bring the other Autobots to this slot machine to try their luck. Spread out and search the base.
Prime: What is going on here? Smokescreen, what is the meaning of this?
Smokescreen: It seems like Optimus Prime has volunteered to see if his luck holds out. Get him and bring him over here.
Prime: Autobots! Prowl, Bumblebee, all of you, what are you doing?
Smokescreen: They won't listen to you Prime. It looks like misfortune will befall you. C'mon, take a chance.
Jazz: All of these casino puns are a real downer so I'll liven things up a bit.
Prime: Great work Jazz!
Inferno: Back up fellas, it's time to do a little crowd control.
Smokescreen: Autobots, retreat! I'll set the slot machine on automatic. All they have to do is get close enough to the action to become one of us.
Jazz: You think that slot machine has anything to do with the Autobots flipping out?
Prime: We're not going to find out. Concentrate firepower!
Smokescreen: Curse you Prime! We'll be back!
Prime: Inferno, put out that fire.
Wheeljack: What's all the noise about? How come I never get invited to any of these parties?
Jazz: This is one shindig you should be happy to miss Wheeljack.
Hound: What happened Prime?
Prime: Smokescreen dragged that slot machine into headquarters. It seems to have Megatron written all over it.
Prime: Hound, I want you to find Bluestreak and track the Autobots.
Hound: Right away Prime.
Prime: Wheeljack, examine that slot machine. I want to know how it works and what affect it has on the Autobots.
Wheeljack: I should have something for you soon.
Megatron: Isn't it a thing of beauty Starscream?
Starscream: Yes almighty Megatron. The humans have done us another great service by creating a very powerful energy source.
Megatron: Exactly. Thanks to Blackrock's efforts, we will now achieve total domination over the the universe.
Exhaust: It was like taking candy from a baby once I put them wise to the plan.
Soundwave: Once we extract the energy from the FS Quatro, we will be unstoppable.
Thrust: What about these bozos behind us? Where do they fit in the plan?
Bombshell: As long as I control them through this remote, these puppets will stand there til doomsday and rust.
Megatron: We'll use them as slaves to build our glorious Decepticon empire and then they can join the other Autobots on the scrap heap.
All: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Bluestreak: You sure we're going the right way Hound?
Hound: For the last time Bluestreak, YES. How many times have you asked me that?
Bluestreak: I just want to make sure. You know how you get when the glitch mice come.
Hound: I make one mistake and you guys ride it til all are one. I'm surprised you're not detecting the others by now.
Hound: Stop here.
Bluestreak: Hey! What gives?
Hound: If you focus your optics over there, you'll see why I stopped.
Bluestreak: The Decepticons with our guys are standing right behind them. Megatron must have them under some sort of control.
Hound: I see Bombshell as well. I bet he's got something to do with this.
Hound: Hound to Prime. Do you read me? I have a mission update.
Prime: I read you Hound. What's the good word?
Hound: We've found the Autobots with the Decepticons.
Prime: Are they still functional?
Bluestreak: They are but seem to be under Bombshell's control.
Wheeljack: Tell them that's what I came up with. This slot machine placed them under Bombshell's control. It's apparent that the Autobots are being controlled somehow at the source. There's nothing else I can do with this thing.
Prime: I want you two to stake out the Decepticons and learn as much as you can. We'll be there soon.
Hound: Right Prime. Hound out.
Prime: Inferno, Jazz, Ratchet, Trailbreaker, transfrom and roll out!
Megatron: Have you any progress to report Soundwave.
Soundwave: Negative Megatron. The FB Quatro still eludes Decepticon science.
Megatron: This is intolerable! I want the energy out of this ball and used to power the destruction of the Autobots!
Starscream: It seems almighty Megatron that your reliance on the fleshlings for energy has clouded your judgement and is hampering your abilities as leader of the Decepticons.
Megatron: ...you've chosen now to try my patience when I'm this fustrated? I have important work to do and having you run your mouth helps nothing you fool! I think I'll rip that smug look off of your faceplate and shove it up your afterburners!
Prime: We'll see about that once I take my fustrations out on you Megatron!
Prime: You've cooked up some schemes in your time Megatron but this one is the lowest. Turning Autobot against Autobot?
Megatron: >maniacal laughter< That's right Prime. With eight of your number under our control, we'll be able to wipe out the Autobots using the best weapon of all...the Autobots!
Starscream: Thanks to the slot machine that I made, these Autobots are like puppets on a string.
Bombshell: WE Starscream.
Starscream: Glory hog!
Bombshell: I'm about to cut them loose and watch them give a stellar performance. Autobots, destroy the Autobots.
Prime: Oh no.
MP Slot Fever III 2290
Ratchet: Prime, we're about to be in big trouble here.
Prime: I know Ratchet. We can't open fire on them either. Trailbreaker, activate your force field. Hopefully, that will buy us some time until we figure out a solution.
Trailbreaker: Everybody get in close. One force field made to order coming up.
Jazz: The natives sure are restless. Never thought we'd get done in by our own friends.
Trailbreaker: If they keep going at this rate, my force field won't last for long.
Prime: Hound, are you and Bluestreak monitoring all of this?
Hound: Yeah Prime and it doesn't look good.
Bluestreak: Mirage just showed up.
Optimus: I just noticed Megatron pointing at a weird looking ball. I need to know what it is.
Hound: I have a way of finding out.
Mirage: Wheeljack told me what was going on. He said to look for a remote control or some other device that's controlling the Autobots.
Bluestreak: Then once we find it, we can destroy it and get the Autobots back on our side.
Soundwave: I cannot access the energy stored in the FS Quatro ball.
Megatron: BAH! I wanted to reduce the Autobots into dust!
Starscream: I don't see how anything can be done here.
Megatron: You'll see the end of my fusion cannon if you don't shut up!
Skywarp: Why don't I take the FS Quatro ball back to headquarters and we can figure it out later.
Megatron: Skywarp, where did you come from?
Skywarp: I...er...was off to the side.
Megatron: It doesn't matter. Now that you're here, take the FS Quatro ball and keep it safe.
Skywarp: I'll keep it real safe Megatron. You have nothing to worry about.
Trailbreaker: Prime, I have some bad news for you. My force field won't last much longer.
Prime: How much time do we have left?
Trailbreaker: I'd give it another five minutes. Then it'll turn into the worst wrestling match this side of Cybertron.
Prime: Megatron has us in a rough spot this time.
Bluestreak: Are you sure you can make that shot Mirage?
Mirage: I won't be able to with you in my audio recpetions Bluestreak. I can't take the shot if Bombshell doesn't expose that remote control.
Bluestreak: Sheesh! It was just a question.
Mirage: Save it for when we tell Prime about it.
Megatron: >maniacal laughter< Prime and those foolish Autobots are doomed!
Starscream: Yes almighty Megatron. And it's all in thanks to the slot machine that I created.
Bombshell: You mean that WE created bubblehead! With this remote, these Autobot puppets will destroy their own and won't even care about it.
Megatron: What was that!
Bombshell: My remote. It's been destroyed!
Starscream: Bombshell you fool! We've been attacked by Autobot snipers!
Thrust: That's not the only thing that's going to attack us! The Autobots have regained control of themselves.
Ironhide: What's happening? Why are we out here?
Jazz: Looks like you guys get your Autobot membership cards back.
Ratchet: Bombshell did a number on you guys this time.
Smokescreen: I remember now. That slot machine they wanted me to drag into headquarters.
Prowl: I should arrest you for illegal gambling Smokescreen.
Smokescreen: It was Bombshell's cerebral shell that...
Prime: We can figure it all out later! Autobots, open fire!
Starscream: We've lost the battle here Megatron! We need to retreat!
Megatron: I give the orders here Starscream! Not you! At least we still have the FS Quatro to experiement with. Decepticons, retreat! Skywarp! What are you still doing here?!? You should have left a while ago!
Rumble: You heard Megatron Skywarp. Let's get our jets in gear!
Skywarp: There's been a change of plans you pile of junk!
Rumble: Hey! What gives you geek?
Hound: Nothing but the old switch-a-roo.
Rumble: Skywarp was never here!
Hound: That's right Fumble! Figured you guys got us with that slot machine gag so we decided to up the ante. Thanks for the gift!
Starscream: Hound's hologram! This plan is a disaster!
Megatron: Don't forget how you and Bombshell failed to keep the Autobots under control!
Starscream: But Megatron, this was all Bombshell's idea!
Bombshell: You're not throwing this all on me you...
Megatron: Silence you fools and take off! We'll be back Prime!
Prime: So that's how everything tied in together. Megatron surely was ambitious this time around.
Bluestreak: Bombshell and Starscream thought they were playing puppet master but their plans got tangled in the strings. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
MP Hi-Jacked I 2327
Shockwave: A bright light? What is the cause of this disturbance?
Shockwave: A portal. What are these creatures?
EVA Silver: We've finally arrived to a new planet.
EVA Black: We don't have far to search. There is a robot in front of us.
EVA Silver: This one looks strong. I want it. Fire the inhibitor.
Shockwave: I am the guardian of Cybertron. None shall trespass.
Shockwave: Weapon system offline. What did you do to me?
Shockwave: I must warn Megatron on Earth!
EVA Black: Should I put it in stasis lock?
EVA Silver: No. The hunt should be fun. Besides, I want to know more about this robot, Earth whatever it is and Megatron.
Sideswipe: Had enough Starscream?
Starscream: Just wait til I get up!
Sideswipe: I must be beating you senseless! What makes you think I'm letting you up?
Starscream: The Autobot mercy rule?
Sideswipe: Mercy? I can't even spell it!
Grapple: That's the last time you're crashing into one of my buildings Ramjet.
Grimlock: Me Grimlock say get in me belly!
Prime: You're out of tricks this time Megatron!
Megatron: How dare you Prime! My vengeance will be devastating!
Prime: You're chances of vengeance are slim and none Megatron and slim just left town!
Thrust: Rumble! Get this Autobot off of me!
Rumble: Every Decepticon for himself! I got this fang factory after me!
Ratchet: Thrust is down for the count!
Grimlock: Me Grimlock working up appetite!
Grapple: Be careful Grimlock, you don't know where Rumble's been.
Grimlock: Me Grimlock think Rumble taste better with sugar.
Rumble: I don't want to be eaten!
Ratchet: I hope you don't get indigestion. He looks like he'll fight you all the way down.
Grimlock: Me give Rumble good home. He be more happier eventually.
Sideswipe: Nighty-night. Starscream is seeing stars now. Need any help Prime?
Prime: No...eh...Sideswipe. I took the fight out of Megatron for good.
Megatron: P...p...put me down or I'll...
Prime: As you wish Megatron!
Ratchet: I can't believe it. We have a solid victory against the Decepticons.
Prime: Yes Ratchet. With Megatron and Starscream out of the way, we can begin to round up the other Decepticons and finally bring peace to Earth.
Sideswipe: Boredom, here we come.
Grapple: What is that bright light?
Grimlock: Me Grimlock no can cover eyes!
Prime: Autobots, take caution!
Grimlock: Little men? Me Grimlock think they look like snacks.
Sideswipe: Those guns make me think they look like something else.
Prime: I'm not sure Grapple. Let's see what they want.
EVA Silver: There is the one called Megatron! Destroy him!
Megatron: FOOLS! No one claims destruction over Megatron!
EVA Silver: FIRE!
Megatron: Nnngh! My Arm!
Starscream: This is no time to go to pieces Megatron!
Megatron: Shut up you idiot!
Sideswipe: You're just asking for it this time Starscream!
Ratchet: Megatron...destroyed? I don't believe it.
Starscream: Megatron is dead! I am now the leader of the Decepticons.
Sideswipe: Is that Cybertronian for "you're next for the scrap heap?"
EVA Silver: I want inhibitor chips on the others and put in stasis lock. Now!
EVA Black: What should we do with this Megatron?
EVA Silver: It matters not. Just get him out of my sight.
EVA Silver: Prepare to transport the unlucky combatants to the battle arena. EVA Supreme will be very pleased with our selections.
1. WELP, that happened
2. is EVA Supreme EVA-01?
I have a feeling that you might be correct.
Hi-Jacked II 2329
EVA Silver: The Cliffs of Dorrameade?
EVA Silver: We're not in the right spot. Explain this EVA Black!
EVA Black: My apologies EVA Silver. I must have transposed the symbols incorrectly. If you will allow me, I will re-position...
EVA Silver: Never mind. The journey will allow our visitors to shake off the effects of the stasis lock. Prepare to move them out.
Grimlock: Me Grimlock no like being frozen!
EVA Black: This thing has damaged the stasis lock control. The others will be free momentarily!
EVA Silver: Do the inhibitors still function?
EVA Black: Yes sir!
EVA SIlver: Then we must take advantage of the situation! Concentrate firepower!
Ratchet: I still can't move.
Prime: My motor relays are beginning to register electrical impulses.
Starscream: I'd wish you'd register a plan to get us out of here.
Ratchet: Why did they have to bring him along?
EVA Silver: That's it! Drive it over the cliff!
EVA Silver: Excellent!
EVA Silver: We must not keep EVA Supreme waiting. He is expecting his guests.
Ramjet: I still can't transform. My lasers don't even work.
Thrust: I don't know where we're going. I wonder what they have planned for us.
Sideswipe: It's bad enough that I got hi-jacked but I also have to listen to you two run your mouths?
Thrust: Listen Autobot, keep your comments to yourself!
Ramjet: Yeah or else we'll...
Sideswipe: ...You'll do nothing so shut up. If you were smarter than you looked, you would be figuring out how to beat these inhibitors.
Starscream: Where is he leading us to Prime?
Prime: They've been very secretive about their plans so far. I suppose we won't find out anything until we meet their supreme leader.
EVA Silver: Quiet! We're nearly there.
EVA Silver: We're here. Everyone kneel and prepare to be received before EVA Supreme.
Starscream: Starscream kneels before no one!
EVA Silver: You will kneel or I'll...
EVA Supreme: Where are your manners EVA Silver? These are our guests. They do not have to kneel.
Prime: Who are you and why have you brought us here against our will?
EVA Supreme: I am EVA Supreme. Welcome to Battledome, where you will provide today's entertainment for our small humble planet. Shockwave here has told me all about you Optimus Prime, leader of the red faces. It's an honor to have your enemies hold you in such high regard. You have been brought here to fight and entertain me. You will be excited about the contest I have planned for today.
Ratchet: What makes you think we'd participate in your barbaric fights you tin foil dictator!
Starscream: Are you trying to make him mad you fool?
Ratchet: You're one to talk with that not kneeling bit.
EVA Supreme: My defiant friend, I don't believe I've given you a choice. Release the Iron Giant!
Ratchet: Me and my big mouth!
1. dammit, we're down Megs and Grimlock
2. called it
Oh, whatta sick, twisted and just plain fragged up little Universe we live in when there are giant biomecha from 1995 like the EVAs acting like their Dummy Plugs developed an ego and an attitude problem to go with it and oversized Iron Man Powersuits are used as titanic gladiators in a mecha-bloodsport...
And yes, Optimax, my soldier. You are correct in guessing Unit 01 is the EVA Supreme. Good call.
MP Hi-Jacked III
EVA Supreme: Iron Giant, destroy them!
Starscream: Any bright ideas Prime? I don't like the looks of that thing.
Prime: We have the advantage of numbers. If we team-up against it, we can end this fight quickly and figure out a way to get back to Earth.
Ramjet: Help! It's got me!
Starscream: You want all of us to gang up on that thing? Not on your life Prime!
Prime: How do you ever hope to become a true leader if you're not the first one on the battlefront?
Starscream: That's what cannon fodder is for.
Prime: Time to see what this thing is really made of.
Ramjet: My aching nosecone.
Sideswipe: C'mon everyone! Time to get into the fight!
Starscream: Go ahead Autobot. We'll let you wear it out first and then we'll join the fray.
Rumble: But we'll be functioning cowards.
Thrust: Speak for yourself pipsqueak!
Sideswipe: Don't worry Prime...
Sideswipe: ...cause I'm going to feed the giant a giant nickel-plated knuckle sandwich!
Ratchet: Are you okay Sideswipe?
Sideswipe: Yeah Ratchet. That guy sure hits like a pile driver.
Ratchet: How did you do that? I thought our weapon systems were offline.
Sideswipe: I rerouted a lot of power toward my auxiliary weapons. Attachments now work and I'm about to give this Iron Giant a pounding headache!
Sideswipe: Prime, I need a boost.
Prime: Sideswipe, you're cleared for take-off!
Grapple: Have a seat Iron Giant!
Rumble: It looks like the Iron Giant is on the ropes.
Starscream: It appears so. I knew the Autobots wouldn't need the assistance of Starscream the Mighty.
Thrust: You should can that mighty business until we get back to Earth.
Ramjet: We're still prisoners on this planet.
Starscream: Don't point out the obvious you fools!
EVA Supreme: I can't believe this! My Iron Giant is supposed to be invincible!
Shockwave: I have told you that you're fighting one of the greatest Autobots.
EVA Supreme: Shut Up!
EVA Silver: What are your orders sire? We are prepared to enter combat.
EVA Supreme: Stand down EVA Silver. I'll deal with this Optimus Prime myself!
EVA Supreme: Stand down Iron Giant! Optimus Prime's head will be a great addition in my trophy room!
Prime: So you've finally come out of your ivory tower to do your own dirty work?
EVA Supreme: Yes indeed Optimus Prime! I also have an insatiable thirst for combat!
EVA Supreme: I can spend hours cutting you into little pieces! The fun I will have hearing you scream in horror!
Sideswipe: Prime, re-route all power to auxiliary weapons!
Prime: Thanks Sideswipe! I'm sorry to be such a spoil sport but being sliced and diced is not on my agenda today!
EVA Supreme: This is impossible! Iron Giant, destroy Optimus Prime! I want his head at my feet!
Grimlock: Me Grimlock say Iron Giant no have head in fight.
EVA Supreme: NOOOOOOOOO!
Prime: Good job Grimlock!
Grimlock: Little snacks can't keep good Dinobot down!
EVA Supreme: My arm! What have you done to me?
Prime: No less than what you were willing to do to us.
Starscream: The tides have turned. Rumble, activate your pile drivers! If the Autobots can use attachments, so can we!
Rumble: I did it! One good 'ol earthquake coming up!
EVA Black: What is happening?
Shockwave: The beginning of your destruction!
Thrust: Gonna try and make saps out of us will you?
EVA Black: Stop! Don't!
Thrust: Try talking with a mouth full of my fist!!
Starscream: GIVE ME THAT GUN! So these are what makes you so devastating huh?
EVA Black: Give that back to me! AT ONCE!
Starscream: As you wish. Business end first.
EVA Black: Oowwwwww!
Starscream: No one makes a fool out of Starscream and lives to brag about it!
EVA Supreme: Yo-ou-ou-you guys are monsters!
Prime: No. You're the real monster. Abducting innocent beings against their will to fight on your butcher planet. You deserve no less than what you've gotten so far.
Grimlock: Me Grimlock want to eat purple man. Me think he taste like grape candy.
Prime: There's nothing sweet about our host Grimlock.
EVA Supreme: I'll do whatever you want! Don't let him eat me!
Prime: That is not the Autobot way. Remove these inhibitors and send us back to Earth.
EVA Supreme: EVA Black, Release the inhibitors and prepare them for transport!
EVA Black: At once sire!
Ramjet: I can feel my power fucntions at 100%
Rumble: I feel better than I did when we were with all of those knights. And no birds flying around this time.
Starscream: And to show our host my undying gratitude...
Prime: Starscream, he had given up! There was no need for this!
Starscream: Spare me Prime! That dictator would have cut off our heads and be using them for lawn bowling the minute we'd turn our backs! Now, YOU! I want to go back to Earth immediately or else you'll get the same treatment!
EVA Black: R-r-r-right away!
Yikes. Starscream is a ruthless little glitch. If this were a real episode in the works, I would be concerned that it would end up on the cutting room floor.
HAH, GRIMLOCK LIVES!!!!!!!!
I thought about that as well but I after they turned Prime into an alligatorcon, chopped up Springer and showed Powerglide holding his head to talk, I figured par for the course.
Indeed. Even though these comics are sort of off the beaten path, they'll still follow the timeline of the G1 series so no core characters will be written off. Part IV will have a more positive tone to it.
MP HI-Jacked IV - Epilogue 2334
Voice: Can't you drag him in faster than that? Let's get him on the table already.
C-3PO: R2, we are geniuses!
C-3PO: Prepare to inject him with 1.21 gigawatts of energy.
C-3PO: That's it R2. I'm registering life signs.
C-3PO: No you can't stop! He's almost at 100%.
C-3PO: SUCCESS R2!
Megatron: Where am I?
C-3PO: You are in our workshop. We found you in the desert and have revived you from deep stasis lock.
Megatron: I don't believe this. I've been brought back from the brink of death by a gold freak and a trash can.
C-3PO: You're right R2. He doesn't seem to have the best disposition. Get him a glass of stabilizer fluid.
C-3PO: Drink that. You'll be in a much more jovial mood.
Megatron: Who are you two?
C-3PO: I am C-3PO. Human-cyborg relations. I am also responsible for cheating your maker out of meeting you.
C-3PO: That braggart over there is R2-D2. An astromech droid with a mouth that can make the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs. Now drink up.
Megatron: Spare me the explanations. This stuff is magnificent! The power I feel is phenomenal!
Megatron: You two have served me well. You shall be rewarded by me not destroying you. I want you to arrange transport for my immediate return to Earth. NOW!
C-3PO: Oh my, no need to get pushy.
C-3PO: R2, establish communication with our travel agent.
Leia: Thank you for choosing Star Tours Travel Agency, Tatooine Division. My name is Leia. How may I be of service?
C-3PO: Greetings Leia, we need to charter a shuttle to transport Megatron to Earth.
Leia: That's the third terran planet in the Sol System in the Milky Way galaxy. I am making arrangements now. I have Megatron confirmed for transport to Earth on our new 2001-A Space Hyperjet speeder leaving Mos Eisley in two hours.
C-3PO: Thank you very much. Please charge it to my account.
Megatron: >maniacle laughter< Excellent! I will reclaim command of the Decepticons and extract my revenge on the Autobots!
Separate names with a comma.