How to forget..

JazzHunter83 · 05-10-2012, 04:15 PM

I think speaking to someone is a good idea.

Also, have a nice drink and then delete her from everywhere you communicate (off your phone, email address list, IM list, facebook etc). If you see her there, or see her name then the temptation is to talk to her.

Reward yourself with something everytime you resist contacting her when the urge is there....eventually those urges will become less and less and soon you'll realise that you haven't thought about her in ages.

Aernaroth · 05-10-2012, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElekTriC

i need to but for some reason i just dont want her out of my life. even if i know its the best thing for me 2 do..

"Hey guys I keep sticking my hand on this hot stove and it hurts like hell but for some reason I just can't stop..."

You are actively continuing a habit that is having a negative impact on your life and your emotional state. You are AWARE this habit needs to end. Rip the bandaid, man. Delete her contact from any and all communication devices. Send her a single line email that just says "I don't think we should talk to eachother any more", or even better, nothing at all and just stop talking to her. Do not respond to her communications, do not think about starting up contact again, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElekTriC

i tried to talk it out and she just dont want to talk about it. every time i starts she just ignores it or gets angry. i can try and talk every time but enough is enough. i always take the first step..

oke. i will try more to just stop talking with her. i just need to do that. need to fix my head first before i can give my love to a person that really needs it from me.

i sure wont compare it because this is really messed up and i want to talk about problems so it can be fixed. but im not the only person that needs to do all the fixing.

You shouldn't be talking to her about it. Frankly, you shouldn't be talking to her at all. Whatever semblance of a relationship you had is finished, she has no interest in rekindling it, and continuing to try to do so will only make you AND her miserable. From the sounds of it, she doesn't want to talk to you about your past relationship (or at all? Not clear on that). Since it appears you can't seem to escape the mindset of seeing her as a partner/girlfriend/whatever, your only option is to cut contact.

By all means take some time to fix your head. Get out and do things that help you grow as an individual and meet new people. Find someone to talk to like a counsellor or anyone who's specialized/experienced in dealing with this kind of thing. There is nothing wrong with seeking help, but OFFERING help only works when the other person wants it. Your statement about "I am not the only person who needs to do all the fixing" is troubling. You are your only concern right now. Do not attempt to fix someone else's issues until you have completely addressed your own, and even then, if you're referring to your ex, do not attempt to "fix" her issues at all, because she is no longer your problem and she has made it clear she is not interested in your help.

Quote:

just dont want to be the one that needs to do all the hard work to save this friendship. everything comes from both ways. not only from me. and i know that. but i think she doesnt know. and thats kinda sad.

maybe she's lying about still having feelings for me. but thats not my problem is it. just need to forget about her and go on with my life

You're right, it is not your problem. Do not muse over what may have been or what she is thinking. This friendship, as you call it, is the source of emotional pain for you, and apparently also for her. Any efforts you take to "fix it" will be unsuccessful because, as it sounds, she is not interested in them. A relationship, in any form, will not function unless both people are committed to it. The relationship between you two is over, and it will not come back. Come to terms with that, accept it, and move forward in your life into something that will make you truly happy.

seali_me · 05-10-2012, 09:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElekTriC

i really want to be free again. just me and only me.

Leave the ones that make even one day a bad one. You have better things ahead of you. Make everyday fulfilling and eventful. I remember feeling like the way you do now. It's the greatest feeling when you do get your freedom.

The songs below helped me a lot.

American Woman -The Guess Who ( I know. I know but at the time the girl was actually American. Hahaha. )

Lenny Kravitz - American Woman - YouTube

I'm walking away - Craig David feat. Nek

I'm walking away - Craig David

transtrekkie · 05-10-2012, 10:11 PM

It seems as though you've found yourself in a unique position to... cut away some of the superfluous parts of your life. And one shouldn't spurn the opportunity to do so.

As for being happy at home, don't go online. Find the dvds of your favorite show and lose yourself in the adventures of your favorite characters. Depending on what show that is, it could take you weeks to get through the whole thing and by then she'll be forgotten.

Transtrekkie
-Is currently on Season 6 of DS9.

ElekTriC · 05-11-2012, 12:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aernaroth

"Hey guys I keep sticking my hand on this hot stove and it hurts like hell but for some reason I just can't stop..."

You are actively continuing a habit that is having a negative impact on your life and your emotional state. You are AWARE this habit needs to end. Rip the bandaid, man. Delete her contact from any and all communication devices. Send her a single line email that just says "I don't think we should talk to eachother any more", or even better, nothing at all and just stop talking to her. Do not respond to her communications, do not think about starting up contact again, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

You shouldn't be talking to her about it. Frankly, you shouldn't be talking to her at all. Whatever semblance of a relationship you had is finished, she has no interest in rekindling it, and continuing to try to do so will only make you AND her miserable. From the sounds of it, she doesn't want to talk to you about your past relationship (or at all? Not clear on that). Since it appears you can't seem to escape the mindset of seeing her as a partner/girlfriend/whatever, your only option is to cut contact.

By all means take some time to fix your head. Get out and do things that help you grow as an individual and meet new people. Find someone to talk to like a counsellor or anyone who's specialized/experienced in dealing with this kind of thing. There is nothing wrong with seeking help, but OFFERING help only works when the other person wants it. Your statement about "I am not the only person who needs to do all the fixing" is troubling. You are your only concern right now. Do not attempt to fix someone else's issues until you have completely addressed your own, and even then, if you're referring to your ex, do not attempt to "fix" her issues at all, because she is no longer your problem and she has made it clear she is not interested in your help.

You're right, it is not your problem. Do not muse over what may have been or what she is thinking. This friendship, as you call it, is the source of emotional pain for you, and apparently also for her. Any efforts you take to "fix it" will be unsuccessful because, as it sounds, she is not interested in them. A relationship, in any form, will not function unless both people are committed to it. The relationship between you two is over, and it will not come back. Come to terms with that, accept it, and move forward in your life into something that will make you truly happy.

i know what i have to do. now i just need to do it. well she wants to talk with me but not about the problems that we have.

what i meant was with that i dont need to fix it alone was to fix the friendship alone. if she still wants to be friends she should put more effort in it. but looks like she doesnt want to be any more so there is just one thing to do..

so what i have done atm is blocking her on messenger. already deleted the facebook page so it wont pop-up in my browser again.

wont send a email or letter because then i would prolly be thinking why i didnt get a email or letter back. so thats no option and will only give me more pain.

will try to find a way to get more involved with other ppl and meet more. just need to be happy and the only way to do is without her.

again i appreciate all the help

The Dark Seeker · 05-11-2012, 12:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElekTriC

i know what i have to do. now i just need to do it. well she wants to talk with me but not about the problems that we have.

what i meant was with that i dont need to fix it alone was to fix the friendship alone. if she still wants to be friends she should put more effort in it. but looks like she doesnt want to be any more so there is just one thing to do..

so what i have done atm is blocking her on messenger. already deleted the facebook page so it wont pop-up in my browser again.

wont send a email or letter because then i would prolly be thinking why i didnt get a email or letter back. so thats no option and will only give me more pain.

will try to find a way to get more involved with other ppl and meet more. just need to be happy and the only way to do is without her.

again i appreciate all the help

What you did there was a good first step. But I have to tell you, you'll probably find yourself thinking about her again. If you do, don't beat yourself up over it. Its natural for you to think about her given the length of the relationship and what it meant to you.

Just let the thoughts run its course. Let your feelings of hurt or whatever, run their course. At the same token, do not reach out to her. Just live your life and let the pain subside. It will go away like a wound. When that happens, you'll be able to move on for real. How long does this take? Who knows. Everyone is different. So don't go by some BS timeframe. Just keep your head up and live

KayeMinor · 05-11-2012, 02:35 AM

An hero.

seali_me · 05-11-2012, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElekTriC

i know what i have to do. now i just need to do it.

will try to find a way to get more involved with other ppl and meet more. just need to be happy and the only way to do is without her.

Let the good times begin!

ElekTriC · 05-11-2012, 04:38 PM

the first step is always the hard one. just need to break free.. just have to!

Gordon_4 · 05-11-2012, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElekTriC

a girl you know for more then 10 years. always good friends and last few years even more only that wasnt really clear.

So i need get her out of my head and i need some advice. its really driving me crazy and i want to live my life like i did. and for some damn reason i cant.

Now things arnt going that good but i just need to get some stuff out of my head and she is just one of those things.

Last half year we were just fighting on the chat about every little thing there is. it was no fun at all. little note. we only talk on chat and text messaging.

i really want to be free again. just me and only me. the only place i feel good is at work. not even at home and i want to have a good feeling when im at home. dont want to be home and thinking about wath fight we are going to have today.

there needs to be another way. and maybe this is the wrong place to ask but to tell you all the truth i cant handle this any more and dont want to do some stupid thing what i will regret..

need some good advice

Ten good mates and a few tequila slammers are usually a good start. Aernaroth's advice is less harmful but equally if not more valid however.

05-11-2012, 04:38 PM	#19
ElekTriC Herald of Unicron Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 2,028 Location: The Netherlands Collection Count: 218 News Credits: 1	the first step is always the hard one. just need to break free.. just have to! Reviews & Stopmotions

05-11-2012, 02:35 AM	#17
KayeMinor Banned Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 502 Collection Count: 68	An hero.