Horror Stories From the Retail Department

How could his digestive system miss that? It obviously got everything else. Props to you for cleaning it up.

For a few months, I worked at Target. The place wasn't half bad. It's a good Target. One that I go to often. The people I worked with were also pretty good. One guy actually ended up being someone I knew back in school. So generally pretty nice environment. During my second week or so, not long after the store had opened that day, I pass through the toy car aisle. That's when I saw my first Hotwheels collectors. I heard some bad things about them, here. So I was dreading the experience. There were two, fat, hick-looking guys going through the pegs, looking for the mystery cars, RIPPING THEM OPEN TO SEE WHICH ONES THEY WERE! The whole time they were doing this, they were talking about each car like it wasn't a big deal. They didn't even care when I walked past.

The next day, I was able to stock the Hotwheels. I decided to be a complete douche, and purposely not put up any of the mystery cars. Never got to see the results of that, unfortunately.

Worked as an Associate Store Manager for Discovery Channel Stores for 3 years before they shut down last summer. We were clearancing out our product through Gordon Brother's, which means all sales are final.

An oriental woman came in and picked out our last RC Dragon. I told her repeatidly, "All sales are final" ... she was like "Can I bring back if not work?" and I said "No, all sales are final, we are going out of business". I guess she didn't hear me because she came back about 2 hours later.

"THIS NOT WORK RIGHT" she shouted. I opened it up, played with it, and determined that she just put some shitty batteries in the thing (it still lit up for a second before dying, which in my eyes meant bad batteries). I told her and she said "NO, NEW BATTERIES, THIS NOT WORK!" ... and then I pretty much said there was nothing I could do, all sales were final.

She kept getting angry, so I called over my boss and told him the story. Now, my boss is the biggest prick in the world and he flat out told her "I'm sorry ma'am, you're up a creek without a paddle, byebye!" and walked off (think very gay-sounding/acting older man). She got angry and walked off to the corner. I'm talking with my boss at this point about crazy oriental women and the next thing I know I overhear her go "Hello, pahlice? Pahlice? Yes..." and I'm like "Oh fuck me". Ran over to my boss and was like "She's calling the cops." At this point, my boss BURSTS OUT LAUGHING, to which she starts screaming "NOW THEY LAUGH AT ME!".

So since she called 9-1-1, we had 6 police officers show up, 4 mall security guards, and some paramedics. Two security guards and a cop stayed up front, 2 police came to me, and everyone else went to the lady. I told the police squarely that our policy, since we're going out of business, is that all sales are final and these signs are placed all over the store. They agreed with us, of course, and escorted her out. But before they did that, half of them started asking if I liked Mythbusters and if we still had some in stock.

We had an old "DVD box set" copy of two episodes that we didn't have a SKU for, so I gave one to the cop and he was very happy. That had to piss her off even more.

So yeah. That's just one of MANY stories. She did come back another day trying to return a different item, and she was told no before she could even place the item on the counter.

I'm at target and movie toys are lame

We can't break down plants than good. That's why when you eat carrots, they look about the same when they come out.

Only story I got is that one guy spell special as speihal, gas tank for the silver weld next to me leaked and a possible warehouse fire that they didn't warn us about, they had the little mini fire truck going. It came back, so I guess it got taken care of.

Wait, do I know you from somewhere?


Paramedics?

Tease.

Lol, that story is made of pure win! One question about your boss with the way he walked and talked are we talking Nathen Lane in the Birdcage gay or Jack from Will and Grace gay?

Probably my favorite one was the two fat yuppie mothers who almost tussled over a Thomas The Tank Engine playset.

When I worked at Zany Brainy (now out of business) they had a Thomas the Tank Engine sale every summer around July. Sometimes it'd include some good incentives - like this one year that they included a free playset (wooden board and table and everything) with purchase of over $200 worth of of Thomas stuff.

So.

One woman bought $200 worth of Thomas stuff on the sale day. She said she'd be back in a few hours to to pick up the playset - she needed her SUV and she was driving the small car. So, we put it on reserve for her, put her name on it, etc. and put it at the front of the store.

An hour or so later, another lady comes in, asks if we still have the sale going on. I politely inform her that the sale is still on, but we're uncertain if we'll get any more playsets because A) they're huge - 4" by 3" tables - and B) they're a hot item. The woman looks around in a huff, sees the one on reserve and says "Well, you still have one OVER THERE."

I explain that it's on reserve and the other person is coming to pick it up. She rolls her eyes and says, "Well, I'm in the store now, I came prepared, and I am going to buy $200 worth of gifts for my boy and that table is coming with me. His birthday is tomorrow and I need that table."

I told her that if she wanted to discuss whether or not she could get the train table that she needed to talk with my manager.

....so, manager is called up. Manager and lady have some heated go-rounds. Lady continues to insist that she's right.

Here's where it gets entertaining - first woman comes in with her husband, comes and asks me where her train table is, I point them in the right direction - just beyond the lady arguing with the manager - and they head off to pick up the train table.

Crazy lady breaks her argument with the manager to bar the couple from picking up the train table.

She says something like "ABSOLUTELY NOT! I am here to purchase several hundred dollars of Thomas toys and THIS IS COMING WITH ME."

(I want to note that, in case you are wondering, yuppie mothers are, yes indeed, when it comes to giving their children anything the kids want, FUCKING PSYCHOPATHS. Anyone who has lived in the northern Virginia area long enough can back me up on this.)

My manager politely lets the crazy lady know that, unless she moves and allows the couple to pick up the playset/train table, the police will be called and crazy lady will be forcibly removed.

...at which point, Crazy Lady says "You go ahead and do that - I will sue you for FALSE ADVERTISTING and luring me to this store!" (I found out about this point in the story from my manager a few years later, when we were talking about the story - I had, by that point, gone back to ringing people up.) Apparently, she also made some huff about how her so-and-so (cousin, brother, something like that) was a lawyer and she would SUE us. SERIOUS BUSINESS ALL AROUND.

...and the cops were called in and removed her about 15 minutes later. I think one of the other tellers made the call, because I was up to my armpits in Thomas the Tank Engine shit.

I had one ALMOST the same a few months back in my grocery store which I manage. It was in the evening, and I was in the office doing some paperwork. The public washroom is right outside the door, and there is a window with half-open blinds on it on the office door. So I'm sitting at a computer in perfect view of the door and I hear a knock on it, but I don't see anyone there. I ignore it as I figure it's just kids screwing around, and most staff know to just come in. I wait a few minutes and there's a second, louder knock.

So I get up to open the door and there's a fellow standing in the corner beside the door in his wet boxers. He proceeds to tell me that the was on his way to the bathroom and didn't make it and he shit himself. As soon as he says "shit himself" the smell hits my nose. He's requesting a smock or pants or something to cover himself with so he can leave. He tell him to wait in the washroom and I'll see what I can find. I go into the warehouse and upstairs there to check our staff clothing inventory and luckily, we are out of pants. I manage to find him a labcoat (which the meat department wears) and brought it to him, thinking he could tie it around his waist and leave like that.

When I bring it to him, he looks at it all disgusted as I tell him it's all we had. He then slams the bathroom door, and I go back into the office and try to get the smell out of my nose (which didn't happen until 2 hours after I was off shift).

I was telling one of my clerks the story of it later and they started laughing as they had seen him leave the store in just his boxers and shirt. He didn't even take the labcoat. At this point I go to check the washroom and it is disgusting. The ground is browny-green and it REEKS. The labcoat is there and it looks like he used it to wipe himself off further.

I put up and out of order sign on the washroom (There's a Burger King across the parking lot the customers can use) and get prepared to tell the janitor the mess he's got to clean up. Surprisingly, it was far from the worst mess he had cleaned up.

What fun. I get getting calls to the customer washroom as they are never fun. Oh, and by the way, in my old store they had seperate men's/women's toilets. Women clog the toilet FAR more than men do.

I've never understood man's incapability to use the public facilites as they are meant to be used. It leaves me dumbfounded.

I think it has something to do with the fact that we guys are stupid enough to hold it in until the point of explosion and somehow still manage to be picky about where we go. And lets face it, Men's rooms are nasty to the point that the ladies rooms are heavenly in comparison.

The same stubborness is what can also lead to those rare occations where some retards are too "Macho-man tastic" to use the Ladies room. Those morons leads to the unplesant experience where one finds sh*t in a urinal. Those people are nasty as hell.

Kinda off-topic, but I thought it would stirr up a story or two.