I watched "The Village" by M. Night Shamylan and this couldn't be any worse than that.

"Joseph and the Amazing Techincolor Dreamcoat": In the year 2133, on the planet of New Canan, Joseph is the favorite son of a shepherd. His 11 brothers, jealous of the attention their brother gets, sell him to aliens as a slave. The aliens take him to their planet, Cairo and, thanks to his prophetic visions, becomes the Emperor's top advisor. Having made preparations to endure a galactic famine, Joseph retains his position while his brothers, having been hit hard by the famine travel to Cairo to share in their prosperity. Not recognizing him, the brothers come to Joseph for help. He helps them but frames his brother for theft. Upon seeing the brothers now selfless, he decides they should have all been that selfless to begin with and has them sumarily executed. He reclaims and dons his coat of many colors, which becomes feared through out the galaxy as a sign of impending death.

 

Bambi

A young deer prince named Bambi grows up with his overbearing mother and an absent father. In fact, the first time he meets his dad, his dad just stares at him and walks away like "whatever", emotionally scaring Bambi for life. Desperate for friends, he befriends a hobo skunk named Flower, a mentally unstable rabbit, and an old man owl.

His mom is brutally murdered and his dad shows up, telling him to grow up and quit being a crybaby. Years later, he meets a chick with an abusive bf named Ronno. Bambi steals her like a player, having a brutal battle with Ronno. He throws Ronno off a cliff.

Then a bunch of dogs decide they want his chick for themselves. How is that possible? It's Disney logic- shut up. So Bambi beats them up.

The forest catches on fire and Bambi jumps off a waterfall just cuz. His dad pops up again yelling at him to rub some dirt in it and b a man.

The end.

 

Aw, I actually thought it'd have some potential.

Well, not for failure.

 

Daria - The series opens with Daria getting diagnosed with Aspergers and being drugged into a more acceptable personality. The show then follows her adventures as a normal high school girl with no interesting personality traits. Plotlines include: The Fashion Club cyber-bullying Jodie to the point that she kills herself; The Three J's raping Quinn and the school administration covering it up to protect the football team; Jane coming out of the closet and starting an abusive relationship with Andrea; Trent and his bandmates all overdosing on meth; Brittany involved in a sexting scandal; Tom date-raping Daria; Mack being mistakenly shot by the police while trying to stop a purse-snatching; the entire faculty changing students' grades to comply with No Child Left Behind; Kevin getting involved in gambling and being caught purposely losing a football game; etc. The series ends when Upchuck shoots up the school, killing the few members of the cast who haven't already committed suicide, his rampage only stopped when Mr O'Neill beats him to death with a chair.

Rubik, The Amazing Cube - This can best be summed up as "like Hellraiser, but with a sentient Rubik's Cube instead of a Puzzle Box".

 

Clifford the Big Red Dog

Mark Howard, a former soldier battling PTSD is enlisted by the government to be a part of a genetic splicing program that is aiming to create a super soldier. He agrees and has his DNA merged with that of a dog. The result is a giant, red, hellish dog monstrosity codenamed 'Clifford'. Howard's daughter, Emily Elizabeth is going on a summer vacation with her friend's to the Bahamas, where the government's gene splicing program is going on. 'Clifford' escapes from the lab, slaughtering the scientists and soldiers there and escaping to the mainland. 'Clifford' begins hunting Emily and her friends as they struggle to survive and defeat the beast, and Howard struggles to fight his PTSD and the monster that's taken him over.

Minecraft

Set in an indeterminate time in the future, the world has been changed by a massive future war between the nation's on earth. The world as we know it has been split in two, with both of the split worlds having changed drastically. The place we know as Earth has become strange and pixelated. Everything now exists as a square. This nation has collapsed into anarchy, where bands roam the world, killing and pillaging for what they need to survive. The second world exists in a parallel universe known as The Nether. This post apocalyptic hellscape is filled with mutated monsters that are able to cross between the dimensions and bring death and destruction to the citizens of the Block Earth, who are struggling to survive amongst the chaos and bloodshed. Our protagonist, Steve, works to close the portals leading to the Nether, while discovering clues about what left the world in this state, most of which center around experiments with extradimensional technology conducted by a mysterious man codenamed 'Notch'.

Candy Land

Set in New York during the 1980s, this movie tells the story of a prostitute named 'Lolly'. One day, her pimp, called 'Lord Licorice', tells her to service a client known as 'Mr. Mint.' When she goes to the nightclub owned by Mint, she soon finds herself wrapped up in a world of drugs, theft, and murder. Mint is trying to become head of the Kandy Crime Family, and in his way is 'King Kandy', head of the family. He enlists Lolly to help him bring down Kandy, promising that he'll kill Licorice and set her free from the life she's trapped in. Lolly agrees and what follows is an action packed thriller filled to the brim with blood, drugs, and sex.

 

Good job book, although I was hoping for a a synopsis of Jaeg's fan fiction.

Anyways, I'll do another one.

Teletubbies
Teletubbies, which are a magical race of child-like creatures, are on the brink of extinction as a result of overhunting for their body parts, which are said to have numerous but unsubstantiated health benefits. The purple Teletubby Tinky Winky barely escapes after an attack by poachers in which he witnesses his last companions get hunted down and dismembered. Eventually he finds himself in a peaceful oasis guarded by a mysterious and alien robot caretaker named Noo-noo. There he befriends the three other remaining Teletubbies, but he struggles to be at peace at the thought that the men who killed his friends are still out there. Moreover, even though Noo-noo is a noble and powerful guardian, there is another presence that watches over them and keeps the Teletubbies from leaving the area. With an appearance like the Sun and the face of a baby, this strange being forces the Teletubbies to entertain it day after day. The last known Teletubbies must choose between living in a comfortable prison and facing their numerous human enemies and possible extinction in the wider world.

 

isn't Gundam already grim and gritty?

 

Turbo Teen - When Brett Matthews crashes his vehicle into a secret government laboratory, he is exposed to a mysterious alien artifact that infects him with a techno-organic virus. This virus causes him to uncontrollably change into a copy of his vehicle. While he initially enjoys the freedom provided by his transformations, Brett soon finds it more and more difficult to return to his human form. Now, he travels the nation desperately seeking a cure before he is trapped as a vehicle forever. Meanwhile, the government is hunting for Brett, attempting to stop a mass outbreak of the techno-organic plague that he unknowingly spreads. But their efforts prove futile as the virus sweeps the world, replacing humanity with a planet...of Cars.

Magic 8 Ball - Thousands of years ago, a powerful wizard created a powerful magic device for an ancient king. The device had the ability to predict the future, accurately providing an answer for any 'yes or no' question. Fearing the wizard would replicate the device, the king had the mage executed. But, with his final breath, the wizard cursed the device: Not only would it's answers forever be a poisoned chalice that would bring only suffering, but the sphere would consume the soul of any who used it. This anthology series follows the cursed sphere as it passes from owner to owner, destroying lives through the course of human history.

The Planeteers - Crushing waves sweep the oceans clean of ships, freeing the waters from fishers and pollution. Howling winds throw aircraft from the sky, leaving the air for only the birds. The earth itself swallows up any who use fossil fuels. Searing flames burn away the flesh from any that use animal products. And a young man with a fiendish demon monkey walks the cities, gazing into the hearts of any that harm the environment and tearing their souls to pieces. They are the Planeteers, extreme eco-warriors that use their vast elemental powers to punish humans that inflict any damage to the ecosystem. But little do the Planeteers know that each use of their powers weakens the fabric of reality and hastens the emergence of the eldritch horror Hcptenhpuhluneuht.

 

Knight Rider
This one's pretty half-^$$ed. I'd probably keep the core set-up of "Knight of the Phoenix" - cop Michael Long is betrayed and left for dead - but past that things would get weird as sh**. How weird? Well, for starters, instead of waking up in a medical ward with somebody else's face, he wakes up in a crummy, run-down motel room with somebody else's BODY (his voice AND face are still the same) - he got left to die as a stick and wakes up ripped. For that matter, Devon Miles and Flag are responsible for saving him, but there's somethin' real screwy about that...while its mission to defend the powerless and the downtrodden remains intact, Flag is just called "Flag" (no acronym - we can therefore assume that it's not a government-sponsored organization - which creates the mystery of just what exactly Flag is and who created it) and Devon...well, Devon's got this peculiar habit of popping in on Michael to brief him on his next assignment, WHEREVER Michael is, without notifying Michael beforehand that he's coming, and just as quickly disappears completely. The man just seems to KNOW where Michael is at any given time, and Michael has no means of contacting him. Which brings us to Kitt (again, there's no acronym in play this time, hence regular case). Sure, Kitt is still a self-driving talking car with an attitude and the ability to do things a normal car can't do, and, once again, he's even a black '82 Pontiac Trans Am...that is, he's a black '82 Pontiac Trans Am with patches of rust, faded paint, nicks and scratches, a cracked windshield, and a big ol' dent wedged into the front of the hood, from which can be seen a glowing orange flicker from within that looks more like the engine's on fire than it does an oscillating forward sensor. For that matter, there is apparently no advanced super-technology installed inside him, either - just the standard 1982 dashboard options - and the manner by which he talks is through the static frequencies of the onboard radio (akin to Carol Anne through the TV in "Poltergeist"). And for THAT matter, Kitt can take a quite a beating before being really damaged...but he's also capable of repairing HIMSELF. Which begs further questions: is Kitt possessed? The product of aliens? Or is he REALLY a high-tech supercar and this is just somebody's way of messing with Michael?

More thoroughly...

Yellow Brick Road
Dorothy Gale is the 12-year-old niece of the husband-and-wife astronaut team of Kansas natives Henry and Emily Gale. When their ship disappears from orbit for no discernible reason, Child Services comes to collect Dorothy from her uncle's ranch outside Topeka days later, during a terrible storm, to take her to another relative, but she tries to flee on her bicycle with her terrier Toto as an F4 bears down on the region. When she comes to, however, she finds herself in an extremely unfamiliar place - she's been awakened from a cryogenic tube by diminutive men in blue hazmat suits working in some kind of creepy processing plant which suggests that there must have been some kind of medical storage facility situated nearby once (hence the cryogenic tube). The plant is stormed by some Giger-looking female thing who apparently is peeved that something illegal's been going on in the plant, and after a roundabout chase sequence ensues Dorothy ends up commandeering one of the giant utility vehicles used in the plant, nicknamed "the House" (as in H.A.U.S. - Heavy-Assignment Utility Salvager), and inadvertently ends up backing it off a loading dock and landing right on the female creature. Funny thing, though...the witch-thing was wearing strange silver high-tops with glowing red stripes at the time, and with their wearer's death the things simply uncoil off her haunches and wrap themselves around Dorothy's own feet instead. The shantytown denizens of Munchkin Country want her gone before the Witch's sister shows up, so she's forced to flee down the cracked, sand-colored pavement road toward Emerald City, which offers her best chance for protection, along with Toto, who's received a gene-enhancing immunization that has accelerated his brain capacity and vocal ability to human levels. That "immunization" is the product of recent efforts to protect Oz's remaining animal population from a virus that was the third phase of a project by the Witches to create the perfect slave labor: Phase 1 involved recycling organs from the dead and patchworking the best ones together into a form that could be reanimated, although these ended up being resistant to reprogramming and tended to lose focus (i.e. no brain); Phase 2 involved creating robots programmed with human neural engrams, but even then they tended to be TOO focused on their immediate duties and didn't tend to be considerate toward any unexpected developments (i.e. no heart) and were divided into two specific models, construction units (Chopper) and military models (Fyter); Phase 3 involved genetic splicing of animal DNA with characteristics of human neural activity - while the initial wave of test subjects proved to have poor coping skills (i.e. no courage), later attempts refined the formula and even augmented the subjects with DNA from other animals to facilitate more aggressive instincts (products of this later wave included the Kalidahs and the Flying Monkeys). But the remaining "Wicked Witch" is on the hunt for Dorothy and her growing entourage, and thanks to the golden Cerebral Amplitude Polarizer she wears on her coned head, she's got the entire legion of Flying Monkeys at her command, so it's a question of who gets who first...and even then, there's still the matter of Dorothy getting back to Kansas...which may not turn out quite the way she's hoping...

 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Rumors went across New York about four vigilante guys dealing with crimes all over the city. Some say those were lunatics in costumes, some say they are heroes, others say they are criminals trying to take over the city, but for most people they think they are urban myths. But little do people know, those were not regular people, they were the Teenage, Mutant, Ninja, Turtles. And those are not heroes, but instruments for revenge.

15 years ago, a rat named Splinter witnessed the murder of his owner Hamato Yoshi; a master of ninja who was killed by a man clad in metal and spikes who goes by the name Shredder who killed Yoshi in cold blood. Splinter escaped, but vowed to avenge him no matter the cost. One night in the sewers he found four pet turtles covered by a radiated ooze. After touching them, Splinter felt a change in his body and mind. He felt more human and much smarter. He felt like he can mimic his master's ninja moves and went on training. But something else he noticed... he saw the four turtles were growing at a much faster pace than him and evolved further than he is. Then he had the idea of adopting them and use them for his revenge plan by teaching them the moves and all ninja skills he knows.

Years have passed, and the four turtles turned to humanoid size, faster, stronger and much skilled than ever before. Leonardo the skilled swordsman with swords skill faster than the eyes, Donatello the stick fighter who can turn an enemy's power against them with his dodge skills and long ranged weapon, Raphael the power house with bone crushing strikes and does so with pleasure, and Michelangelo who enjoys toying with his enemies and hits them where its hard. They've built their skills with their night crawls on the streets and taking down whoever ticks them off... None of them lived to tell the tale.

When the time felt right, Splinter decides to take his move and attack the Shredder. He, along with his students have invaded one of Shredder's warehouses, but it was a trap. Shredder knew the rumored vigilante would show up and get him, and he was prepared for it. His presence has awakened a buried rage inside Splinter, telling him who he was and how he was waiting for years till he pays him back for his crime. Shredder, who turned out to be Oroku Saki, Hamato Yoshi's best friend reveals that Yoshi used to be the leader of the Foot yakuza who were the last of the ancient Foot ninja clan and Shredder killed him so he takes the yakuza for himself. All of a sudden hundreds of ninjas shows up and a big battles starts... Splinter and his turtles were the only ones stood alive.

That forces Shredder to fight on his own, but Splinter decides that he will fight him alone. A big battle broke up, but shredder caught on to Splinter's moves and with one fast strike... Shredder punches Splinter so hard his arm penetrated his body; instantly killing Splinter. It took the turtles a moment to realize it, but Splinter is indeed dead. The four froze in their places. And with Shredder declaring that he'll kill them all, they snapped and the four of them charged at him blowing all kinds of hits and strikes, but Shredder was too much for them and all of them were close to death. They all thought on how to beat him, and the best thing they could come up with was using their environment for their advantage. They were in a warehouse and they used whatever was their until they've trapped him under one of the scaffolds and with one quick slash of Leonardo's swords, the scaffold dropped on him with everything was on it, crushing Shredder to death.

The turtles won their battle, but at a huge cost. They were raised to be merciless avengers, but with both Splinter and Shredder dead, they didn't know what to do with the rest of their lives. They felt empty from the inside, and great sadness. And without being capable of thinking of anything, they all decide to kill themselves and end their lives together. But before their blades reaches their necks, they heard a scream from the distance. Someone was in trouble. And with that, they've decided to become vigilante protectors of the city, helping their people from the shadows and stop all kinds of crimes they face together so know one goes through the sadness they went through. Even though they've done this in the past, this time they will do it for others and not for themselves.

After Credits Scene:

Spoiler

April O'Neil starts investigating the case of the four vigilantes.

 

I just watched the new Turtles conveniently. I see the similarities.